Illness of a difficult (narcissistic?) relative

[Sittinbythetree]

I have purposely not put this in bereavement as it doesn’t seem quite right. DCs grandmother is very ill, but they aren’t close. Saw them recently, probably for the last time, and she was pretty nasty to one of my dcs. How do I support my dcs & dh with their very mixed feelings? Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing?

Anyone?

Not exactly the same but dealing with the aftermath of losing a parent with the remaining one having narcissistic tendencies. I keep telling myself that it's possible for two things to be true at the same time. Sadness for someone being bereaved and annoyance with the nonsense that makes a narcissist tick. It's okay to acknowledge the nasty bits as well as the real sadness of someone being very ill . It does help if you are able to openly acknowledge both though so in my case siblings ( for the most part) on board and we have swapped stories of the nasty, aggressive, passive aggressive games etc . Humour has been really helpful. How old are the children ? In my situation the children are too young to discuss this with so we just said " x is hurting as grandad died and it's made her say some not nice things but it's not personal she's just very sad ". Don't know if any of this helps. It's so hard dealing with narcissists, particularly when everyone else expects you to feel sorry for the old relative. I would also add it's okay to keep children away from family if they are likely to cause harm. This includes emotional harm which can be very damaging to little ones .

Thank you. DCs are between 10 and 13 - fully aware but very sensitive!