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Original poster

How to ask DP to start contributing to the house.

21 replies

Beachybeach · 27/12/2020 15:06

Before all this Covid madness my DP would stay over regularly, pay for our regular meals out and would be the first one with his wallet out (just a back story as I don’t think he’s a deliberate CF).

The beginning of covid my lodger moved out into his GF (he used to pay £400 a month for his room + bills). DP moved in and instead of paying board, I told him just to put the money towards our summer holidays (I owed him around £300 a month so just saved us fannying around with transfers etc). Come summer it’s cancelled - he got a full refund but I’ve never seen a penny of it - hoping to rebook in the summer.

We both got made redundant in the summer. I’ve been working a zero hour contract, minimum wage and anti social hours etc. He had some part-time work but nothing has been for more than a week here or there.

His money is completely gone but I’ve not had any board, and the last 6 week I’ve been buying food/toiletries as well. I lent him some money which I presumed would be for him to help out with the food shop but it wasn’t - family presents, my presents, petrol, phone contract etc.

He’s got a new full-time role starting next week in his old profession. He said come March he’ll be able to start ‘helping me out’ with the house as he ‘knows I’m struggling’.

I know come the summer he’ll book us a flash holiday somewhere abroad, hopefully be back going on nights out where he’ll book the overnight accommodation etc. He just uses the phrase ‘if I had the money id help you out’ a lot.

I’ve tried making comments that I pay ‘xxx’ a month just on electrics/water. I’ve also said to him that I don’t expect rent but I would be happy with half the bills. Now I’d be happy with him just buying his own bloody shower gel and not using mine.

I’m just looking for a phrase to come back to ‘helping you out’. As I feel like i’m the damsel destress just making ends meet. It’s my fault as I should have set up a plan when he moved in but I didn’t.

OP posts:

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/12/2020 15:12

So he's now living with you for free? That's not on. "Helping out" is not the same as stepping up and behaving like a responsible adult.

400 a month is a very reasonable amount to cover his housing.

Suggest you tell him you need to be able to rely on that amount to cover his share of the living costs. And if he can't manage it, you'll have to rent the room out again.

If he's not happy with the arrangement, then suggest to him that it'd be best if he went back to living independently/separately.

Hermanfromguesswho · 27/12/2020 15:14

Could you say ‘oh no, I don’t need you to help me out with my expenses but if you could cover your own that would be much appreciated as I’m struggling to cover both our costs on my income’

SeasonFinale · 27/12/2020 15:14

Just tell him straight - you need to start paying for your share of living expenses or move somewhere else where you can live free of charge if you don't want to

Redshoeblueshoe · 27/12/2020 15:15

I'd tell him to move out. Tell him you need a lodger.

FippertyGibbett · 27/12/2020 15:16

Tell him to cough up or move out now.
He should pay what he owes before buying presents etc.

chocolatesaltyxmaspudballs · 27/12/2020 15:17

I'd just tell him straight that he needs to pay for his living costs or move out as he seems to have got into the habit of living off you and anything he gives you is seen as a favour. He's a cheeky twat.

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2020 15:17

You say you can’t afford to subsidise him until March.
You need back the money you leant and if he can’t pay towards bills then he has to freeload somewhere else!

Akire · 27/12/2020 15:18

Has he spent all of the holiday refund money as well? He should have given you half back. How are you managing to buy food and all the bills on zero hours?

New year is a great time to look at bills. He will be getting paid the-end of January surely. 50/50 all bills and something towards your rent or mortgage. Was he just living rent free before he moved in? His expenses have gone to zero meanwhile you have lost £400 from lodger reply’s bills and presume you didn’t feed lodger either.

Stop buying him basics or just cheapest supermarket brand you can find. Beggars can’t be choosers.

Somethingkindaoooo · 27/12/2020 15:18

God how selfish is he?

lunar1 · 27/12/2020 15:19

Tell him it's £400 for rent, bills and wear and tear of your home and content plus half the food bill. You can save your own half for holidays in future, but not the next one as he's already had your contribution! Cheeky sod.

gamerchick · 27/12/2020 15:19

@SeasonFinale

Just tell him straight - you need to start paying for your share of living expenses or move somewhere else where you can live free of charge if you don't want to

This.

Help you out in march indeed. Cheeky git come on OP, rip off the plaster. He needs to tip up or live somewhere else.

DressingGownofDoom · 27/12/2020 15:22

Tell him you need to sit down together and make a budget if you're going to be living together to make it fair.

tabulahrasa · 27/12/2020 15:22

It’s not helping out to pay your own way, helping out would be paying more on top of that.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 27/12/2020 15:25

He's a grown man. He knows what bills and accommodation cost, and he knows he's taking you for a ride. He says he'll "help out"?? Wtf?

Sit him down and tell him bluntly that he needs to pay his way. If you meet ANY resistance at all, dump him. Because this one is not a keeper.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 27/12/2020 15:27

I’ve also said to him that I don’t expect rent but I would be happy with half the bills.
Why did you set the bar so low? When you move in with a partner, it's (usually planned to be) for the long term. So whatever arrangement you start needs to be fair for both. Would you be happy with a partner not paying their way long term? If not, why accept it to start with.

QuantumJump · 27/12/2020 15:32

As he's got a full-time role starting next week, this is the perfect time to discuss it. Say something like "as you're starting work next week, I'd like to sit down together and think about your contribution to the household expenses. Is now a good time?.... I think an amount of £x would cover your share of the food and bills, does that sound reasonable to you?"

Cherrysoup · 27/12/2020 15:37

Dear Lord! Please sit him down with the bulls and show him how much you’re forming out on him. It’s ridiculous! He’s a cock lodger and needs to pay his own fucking way!

Mintjulia · 27/12/2020 15:44

Sorry but he's taking you for a fool and will keep on doing it if he can.

Tell him it's 50:50 on all food & bills or you can't afford for him to stay and you'll have to find a new lodger. Plus you need half of the ho!Uday money back to tide you over.

cutebutscary · 27/12/2020 15:51

I feel like you are really being taken for a chump by this man . Would you expect to live off someone like this just because they love you ? If not, you have your answer x

SwanShaped · 27/12/2020 15:56

@Hermanfromguesswho

Could you say ‘oh no, I don’t need you to help me out with my expenses but if you could cover your own that would be much appreciated as I’m struggling to cover both our costs on my income’

I reckon this is the best response. He’s not helping you out, he’s covering his own expenses.

VettiyaIruken · 27/12/2020 15:59

Oh come on. He knows he's living off you!
Just tell him.
You're taking the piss love. I'm not your mam. You need to pay your way.

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