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Help with communicating with ex

2 replies

Crazycrafter1 · 27/12/2020 03:25

I split up with my children's dad about a year ago and we have both moved on and have new partners. My ex's new gf doesn't have children but is really good with mine and they adore her which I am grateful for. However, recently when they see her the first thing they do is say 'boobies' and prod them. She wears extremely low cut tops and has a very full chest. I am sure I even saw some nipples on Christmas Eve. It has worried me for a bit so I talked to my children (aged 3 and 5 so very young still) about privates being private and showed them the video on the NSPCC website. I am a primary school teacher with years of safeguarding training and I am very honest about these things. Yesterday when they came to collect the children the same thing happened with my 5 year old. So in front of the gf I said 'remember we had this conversation about privates being private. You shouldn't touch somebody else's breasts as they don't like it. But if your breasts or vagina hurts you must tell us so we can help.' I think she thought I was being abrupt (I am very blunt sometimes) as she said 'ohhh it's ok.' In my head I was screaming really no it's not. How do I bring this up with my ex? I would really like her to dress more conservatively around the children but appreciate everybody has their own style and choice of attire. I don't want to word it in a say that will cause offence but it makes me so uneasy. Thanks

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 27/12/2020 03:34

Imagine how you would feel if your dp told you what to wear. That conversation is never going to end well.

Expecting your ex to tell his girlfriend to change her top because you don't like it, is a step further away from being reasonable. I really don't think you should get involved. Your DCs are very young, they have no idea of her sexuality, and the novelty of seeing a larger chested lady will soon wear off if you don't make a fuss about it.

Crazycrafter1 · 27/12/2020 03:48

@Mintjulia

Imagine how you would feel if your dp told you what to wear. That conversation is never going to end well.

Expecting your ex to tell his girlfriend to change her top because you don't like it, is a step further away from being reasonable. I really don't think you should get involved. Your DCs are very young, they have no idea of her sexuality, and the novelty of seeing a larger chested lady will soon wear off if you don't make a fuss about it.

I think I have approached it wrong so thanks for your reply. I think my concern is that they are allowed to touch her breasts without a gentle reminder that privates are private. I am a larger chested lady so this isn't a new thing for them. Hopefully this phase will disappear like you say.
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