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Feel bad for bringing it up with MIL

5 replies

ScottishStottie · 26/12/2020 22:09

So on xmas day we are at mils, and in the chat that you have after a good few proseccos i mentioned how i hadnt ever seen any pics of dh as a child. She god a bit awkward looking and said that due to having to flee a domestic abuse situation with dh's father (which i knew about so ferl bad about bringing it up...) She didnt have many photos. She then went and dug out a few photos that she had that shed got off other people years after the fact.

But i just felt so bad that id brought this uo as something she had to explicitly say! I knew about it the horrible home situation at the time, but through dh, not something that mil has ever had to admit to me iykwim. She just seemed so embarrassed which i didnt mean to or want to cause, was just a stupid thing to say that i wouldnt have said if i had thought for half a second.

After years of being on these forums and readung threads from such brave women who have got out of horrible situations like mil was in, i just feel so bad that i may have made someone feel bad about what they ran away from iykwim?

Dunno why im posting this really, just guilt i suppose.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2020 22:12

I think you need to give yourself a break. You in no way meant to upset your MIL and I'm sure she knows that. We all have said things we wish we hadn't.

Ilovesausages · 26/12/2020 22:12

How close are you? Would it be an option to send her a little card just saying how hard that must have been and you admire her strength?

ScottishStottie · 26/12/2020 22:15

We are quite close and get on well, but very much in the sense that dh is the main contact between them both. So it would seem very out there i think to write a note or message.

She seemed to get over then initial bit of it quite quickly, and seemed to enjoy going through the few photos she had with me, i just felt so bad as soon as i mentioned it, as on hindsight its really obvious that she might not have much.

OP posts:
Pechanga · 26/12/2020 22:46

Next time you're with her, if the chance arises in conversation I'd make a point of saying something about her strength or DH having a happy childhood because she'd saved him or something about her being a great mother that you admire. You sound lovely and I'm sure your MIL knows you didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.

ScottishStottie · 26/12/2020 23:59

Yes I'll try that. Its difficult as dp didnt have a happy childhood at all (multiple abusive relationships, fleeing the house etc) but appears to have very much damaged mil as well which is understandable. So while resenting the childhood, dp is very protective of his mum.

So lots of issues still unpicked (dp had some counseling as a child but didnt like the woman that made him cry so doesnt entertain that now) that makes it hard to address after the stupid comment.

Knowing both sides of a very difficult situation that cant have been easy on anyone, im annoyed that i said something so stupid.

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