I'm so bloody miserable

[remember1]

I know in the grand scheme of things going on in the world that my problems are nothing but I'm so miserable.
My 13 yr old DD has severe anxiety and mild depression and we are awaiting a CAHMS appt in Jan. she is just so so horrid at the moment I'm finding it really hard to stay positive.
I'm very aware some of her attitude and behaviour is due to her mental health but she is nasty, rude, disrespectful and generally horrible to live with and I feel she is not even remotely trying and it is causing massive issues with my DH. He is not her dad but has been in her life for 9 years with no issues but he is finding the nastiness and rudeness hard to deal with. He has been kind and sympathetic to her issues thus far but patience is wearing thin and I'm just piggy in the middle with both of them thinking I always side with the other one.
I feel I'm walking on eggshells with both of them waiting for the next issue to arise. Right now she is awake but refusing to get up and I know he'll be cross when he gets back from picking up step kids if she won't come exchange gifts and I'll feel I have to defend her and then we're back in the argument cycle.
Sorry for the essay, there's so so much more I could write but I'm literally at my wits end with it all feel so alone, trying to please everyone but actually everyone is miserable.
I'm stuck in the middle

for you.

I was that mum for a few years. I recognise the treading on eggshells.

Your DD is not well, along with the teenage hormones & brain changes they go through at that age. I know they can be horrible, but it's not all their fault. Your OH is the other adult in the house & needs to be on your side. I think it can be hard to understand anxiety & depression though, so he is possibly not realising why your DD is behaving as she is. There are some websites such as Young Minds & The Blurt Foundation that help explain it.

Christmas can be extra hard if someone is suffering from depression because of the pressure to have fun all the time. We coped in the end by being honest with other family members about how unwell our depressed & anxious child was. We lowered expectations - so getting out of bed & coming downstairs but being in pajamas all day was as good as it got. Or if she won't (& possibly can't) come down can you all go up to her room for 10 minutes?

She will still need hugs, even if she is prickly & you don't feel like it.

Today won't be the right time but if you can talk to your DH about the situation & how it feels for both of you, would that help in getting you on the same page?

I hope your DD gets her CAMHS appointment soon. Meanwhile, look after yourself- eat, sleep, get outside if & when you can.