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Original poster

How, if at all, do you respond to thoughtful gifts you can't or won't use?

27 replies

cheeseismydownfall · 26/12/2020 11:21

We've had a few of these this year and as always I'm torn about what to do.

One was a gift for my youngest DS, which is such a good gift for him that he has unfortunately received three copies!

Another was a fantastic family game which again is clearly something we would enjoy - but have already been enjoying for two years!

The last is some exquisite handmade earrings - I don't have pierced ears.

All of these things were chosen with care and love, and I don't want to just say a generic "thanks for the gift" - I always like to say specifically how I am enjoying something iyswim. But at the same time it feels a bit deceitful to tell someone how much fun we are having playing with a game we've already got. And with the earrings, my friend will surely notice next time she sees me?!

How do you handle these things truthfully but with grace and appreciation?

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 26/12/2020 11:30

No idea, it's really difficult! I think I would just give the game away, and the duplicate presents given to your DS, and pretend you didn't already have them. Earrings trickier, maybe just explain that you love them but can't wear them, perhaps they can be exchanged.

diddlediddle · 26/12/2020 11:38

I've thought a lot about this over the years and tried various things and have had variously things said to me and have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is say a gracious and heartfelt thank you so much and let that be the end of it. You can discreetly regift duplicates or things you can't wear, or the latter just hang onto at the back the cupboard. No one really wants the feeling of being told they got the wrong thing and then the hassle of returns etc. If your friend eventually noticed you didn't have pierced ears she would simply feel a bit silly herself but glad you had been so kind about it.

diddlediddle · 26/12/2020 11:40

The exception being if someone includes a gift receipt in the parcel without being asked and says something like "do what you like with this I won't mind" then you can exchange it guilt free.

triceratops12 · 26/12/2020 11:44

Personally I've felt hurt when people have told me they've returned gifts, and would be really put out if someone asked me for a gift receipt. Someone has spent a lot of time choosing gifts they thing would be perfect for you - and in actual fact they are perfect for you (minus the earrings) as you've already got them! I would just say thank you, give a paragraph about how much you like them and move on/regift.

Ozgirl75 · 26/12/2020 11:47

My husband did this last year. Got me a book that was well chosen and exactly the kind of thing I love.
Which i knew because I’d already bought it and read it.
I hid the copy I already had and then snuck it into one of our local street libraries.

Thighdentitycrisis · 26/12/2020 11:55

I’m not that into receiving stuff for Christmas and generally prefer consumable gifts like smelliest and booze.

My DP showed me something online he really liked and I agreed it was a nice item (unisex wallet)

I bought him it for Christmas thinking here’s something he specifically likes. Guess what? He bought the same for me in a colour I hate. There was only black and this colour

He buys things for himself so might have bought it for himself anyway. We don’t live together
He was pleased - I don’t know what to do or say about it

yellowhighheels · 26/12/2020 12:04

The senders of the duplicates games/ books don't need to know it's not their gift that you're using, you can truthfully say 'we have enjoyed several brilliant games of Monopoly' and 'Billy has already read his book from cover to cover', and donate the spares.

For the earrings, which is a more personal gift, I wonder whether a jeweller could adapt them to clip on? If not, in this case, I would probably speak to the friend, say how beautiful they are and how much you would love to wear them, and ask is there any way you could exchange for as similar an item as possible from the same jeweller? The point being it's a personal gift, to your taste and you don't want to waste a lovely choice by not being able to wear them for the sake of being polite. I would appreciate that from a friend if I had got it wrong about her ears being pierced.

notanotherlockdownsurely · 26/12/2020 12:28

'Thank you for the lovely and thoughtful gift of earrings / game etc. Much appreciated, lots of love'

Simple and polite

Oryxx · 26/12/2020 13:06

Just graciously thank the giver.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 26/12/2020 14:40

You can buy converters for earrings to make them into clip ons

Cooltalkin · 26/12/2020 14:55

Get your ears pierced ?
( somewhat in jest suggestion )

LadyLazaruss · 26/12/2020 16:30

But at the same time it feels a bit deceitful to tell someone how much fun we are having playing with a game we've already got.

This is so strange to me - just say thank you and move on? Why would you actually tell people that you didn't like their gift/won't use it? Weird.

Pipandmum · 26/12/2020 16:36

The game: say you love it, as quite clearly you do (then sell it or regift). Earrings: tell her you love them but don't have pierced ears and could she return them?
Duplicate gift for son: depends who gave it. If a close friend or relative tell them the truth and ask if you can swap it, if not accept with grace then either sell it or regift.
I do not exchange gifts with anyone but close family, so there's no problem in saying if it was a duplicate or couldn't be used.

Nichola2310 · 26/12/2020 16:51

My toddler got 4 of the same gift this year. I thanked the people, put 3 in the attic and will donate to a Christmas appeal next year.

Nevanna · 26/12/2020 17:11

You can’t return pierced earrings so there’s no point upsetting your friend. Just say thanks and put them aside until you find someone else to give them to.

CuppaZa · 26/12/2020 17:13

‘Thank you’ is all that’s needed.

londongirl12 · 26/12/2020 17:18

I find it strange your friend doesn't know you don't have pierced ears??

Original poster
cheeseismydownfall · 26/12/2020 17:58

@LadyLazaruss

But at the same time it feels a bit deceitful to tell someone how much fun we are having playing with a game we've already got.

This is so strange to me - just say thank you and move on? Why would you actually tell people that you didn't like their gift/won't use it? Weird.

Sorry, I wasn't clear - I didn't mean that I would deliberately tell them that we already had it! What I mean is that I usually like to say a bit more than just "thank you" - I like to say a bit more about what I like about it iyswim. So with a game, I would normally say something like "we played it last night, it was so much fun, thank you for introducing us to it, it's going to be a favourite." Or something like that. I don't know, perhaps I'm over complicating it, but it just seems polite I think?

Re earrings - they are actually handmade by the person who gave them to me. This person is absolutely lovely but a bit scatty so I'm not surprised they hadn't noticed.

Thank you everyone, I will go with the majority and say a simple thank you and then find a new home for things.

OP posts:
shinynewapple2020 · 26/12/2020 19:09

I think you are overthinking . Just say thank you .

Clawdy · 26/12/2020 19:18

I for for about the earring converters, what a good idea!

Clawdy · 26/12/2020 19:38

Meant forgot, not for for!

MispyM · 26/12/2020 19:44

No idea, it's really difficult! I think I would just give the game away, and the duplicate presents given to your DS, and pretend you didn't already have them. Earrings trickier, maybe just explain that you love them but can't wear them, perhaps they can be exchanged.

Absolutely agree with this.

But really emphasise how pretty the handmade earrings are. But you might get earrings again next year (if you don't say anything). And that person might one day realise that you can actually wear them and feel genuinely awful if they realise that you didn't mention that you couldn't wear them...

Gingerkittykat · 26/12/2020 19:51

I'm wondering how to tactfully tell people next year to not buy me booze since I have one or two drinks maybe a couple of times a year.

I've got 2 bottles of Baileys and 2 bottles of whisky, one of them a lovely malt which I will keep and drink. I have no idea what to do with the other bottles and I hate the fact people who love me have wasted money on things I don't want.

With the game and toys for your DS I would just write and say how much enjoyment you get from X game/ toy and try to flog the extra copies somewhere.

MispyM · 26/12/2020 19:58

Ginger

Just tell them:

"I absolutely loved the... Whiskey (?) you gave me but I only drink on special occasions. The bottle is still mostly full." (admittedly doesn't work for wine...)

MispyM · 26/12/2020 19:59

(same for the Baileys etc.)