A thread of wisdom from those of us who have survived young children and Xmas expectations

[MajorMujer]

Please feel free to ignore, but my DC are now adult and this is what I have learned over the years.
There is no such thing as the perfect Xmas
Go with the flow, ie don't fret if your DC dont want to eat a big Xmas dinner - just give them what they like.
Do not let other relatives dictate the day, this was a biggie for me as PIL would arrive at 9:30am expecting a spotless house and spotless dressed children. DH actually put his foot down about that one.
...and Boxing day is usually more fun !

Any more pearls of wisdom ?

Plan ahead and get everything you possibly can get done before Christmas Eve done.

It’s a posh Sunday roast with a fancy pudding.
That’s it.

Oh and my DC remember the times we got on the floor and played with them far more than the clean house and exquisite table setting

Don’t be disappointed if a great gift is kind of ignored at first. I think they mentally go “that’s brilliant and I’ll give it my full attention later when there’s less going on”.
They will be tired by mid afternoon because they might not have slept well and might have woken at 5am.

Don’t be a martyr and be stuck out in the kitchen. Allocate jobs and share the work and most importantly have fun and enjoy yourself too.

Don't wind them up before Christmas because you think it's cute that they are all excited, then wonder why they are overwhelmed and behave badly on the day.
STEP AWAY from social media. It does nobody any good.

Let them enjoy the day in their way (to some extent) and let a few selected rules slide. These are the things they'll reminisce about when they're teens. PJs all morning/all day. Choc for breakfast ect. Being allowed to charge round the house like nutters

As the day goes on older members of our family seem to suddenly begin to expect standards of behaviour akin to Victorian times and keep trying to engage younger ones in things like tidying up the wrapping paper before they've even finished getting it off the present and keep going on about not getting 'too excited'

It's xmas bloody day! When can you get excited if not on xmas day when you're 6 years old !?!

Mine are under 7 and when they started getting into the grip of "next present now!" to the point of whininess/sulkiness we started opening one of the games or role play stuff and took a break by actually playing for a bit.
In previous years they've just wanted to play with things as they open them so it's good to get a bit of that back.

Don’t let them wake you at a ridiculous hour. Even fairly young children can understand that it isn’t morning until, say, 7am, and this can be explained to them clearly the night before. If you’re all up at 4am nobody will have a good day.

Mangerfield

Totally agree. 2 years running now youngest DD has not got through her pile of presents and we've had a bit of boxing day opening instead which has been really nice actually. Rather that than treating the last 5 or 6 gifts as a chore to get through.

Most of the extra stress is caused by things the parents choose to do. Elf on the shelf etc adds more chores, don't start traditions that in future you'll moan about having to do.

A rule that worked well for us was no waking parents until 7.30, but they can open their stocking when they wake up. The stocking has something to read, something to eat, something to play with and something to make / draw / stick. It keeps them going for a while and means no stupidly early wake ups, plus the stocking gifts get properly played with and explored, so I put anything that needs a bit of time and thought in there (as long as they can manage it by themselves - lots of big sticker books or small and simple Lego).

Dint put stockings on the beds, downstairs by the fireplace means they get a better nights sleep.
Dont drink too much on Xmas Eve
If you open all the main presents in a big frenzy there is a significant chance that parts to the toys will get lost or thrown away in the wrapping paper and that you will loose track of who gave who what (for thank you notes)
Try to have a rough plan for the day, but dont sweat it if it has to change

Oh and when you have a partner/spouse, you both get to invent your own Christmas traditions, that hopefully combine the best bits from each of your own upbringings. Try not to insist on it all happening identically to the way you did Christmas as a child.

No coming in with stockings before a set time
Limit sugar...within reason!
Let them have whatever bits of Christmas dinner they want or dont want. One year mine wanted tinned spaghetti and sausages. She has that, then happily played while we all enjoyed a relaxed dinner.
Have paper and pen to hand during present opening to note who gave what for the ensuing thankyou letters.
Everyone helps with dinner or washing up. It is NOT mum's job.

Good thread idea!

I would strongly second the point about not letting older relatives dictate the childrens' day.

I do make my kids get dressed if relatives are coming, but once they've said hello, and spent a bit of time with them, they can play on the PS4 (or watch tv if they're younger), despite relatives getting a bit cats bum mouth about it.

They have to eat at the table with us, but they don't have to stay at the table until everyone has finished.

Lots of my relatives think that my children should follow the same rules that they had to follow in the fifties.

I heartily disagree. I refuse to let it become an issue, I just serenely ignore any mutterings, and distract them with wine/ tea/ mince pies.

Realising that you are in charge, not the grandparents/ elderly aunties is wonderfully liberating. I'd like to help parents of young children realise that sooner rather than later

If you're the kind of adult who enjoys a long, lingering dinner with the kind of small person who just wants to eat one mouthful of sausage and then go and play - let it happen. You'll all have a better time. Pp nailed it talking about Victorian expectations - if they sit up nicely for crackers and first helpings you're on a winner.

MilesJuppIsAnOldSlutOnJunk exactly. You don't want anarchy but you want a little bit of heady excitement for them

My own childhood xmas day was quite a stiff affair where children had to fit in with a very adult christmas. When i had my own kids i was determined they would have fun on xmas day.

My mum is definitely cats bum faced about being downstairs in PJs let alone all day

If in doubt, source it out.

Yes I agree about excitement on the day. My point was about winding them up before Christmas, going on and on about making Christmas 'magical', overdoing it yourself to make everything 'perfect', and then being disappointed when the children don't perform to expectation on Christmas day.
My Christmases as a child (60s child) were all about fitting in to an adult Christmas, and it left me with a desire to just have a relaxed one where kids were able to open their presents, race around the house in their pjs and play with their new stuff while DH and I knocked up a roast between us.
I'm a mil and grandmother now, and would not dream of doing anything other than offering help/contributing to food if I was a guest in their home, and letting them enjoy their Christmas in whatever way they liked. I can't get my head around all these grandparents demanding things to be done their way.
Dropping expectations goes a very long way to having a happy festive season.

I have an 8 year old ds, his presents are getting me down this year. Every present seems to involve building something, downloading something, finding an app etc. I'm short on patience and not very good at technology or building stuff so we're both ending up stressed and tearful.... grrr. He's getting books and clothes next year

@Whenwillow

Yes I agree about excitement on the day. My point was about winding them up before Christmas, going on and on about making Christmas 'magical', overdoing it yourself to make everything 'perfect', and then being disappointed when the children don't perform to expectation on Christmas day. My Christmases as a child (60s child) were all about fitting in to an adult Christmas, and it left me with a desire to just have a relaxed one where kids were able to open their presents, race around the house in their pjs and play with their new stuff while DH and I knocked up a roast between us. I'm a mil and grandmother now, and would not dream of doing anything other than offering help/contributing to food if I was a guest in their home, and letting them enjoy their Christmas in whatever way they liked. I can't get my head around all these grandparents demanding things to be done their way. Dropping expectations goes a very long way to having a happy festive season.

Completely agree with this. I'm a seventies child, but it was the same for me.

Christmas build-up is now so intense at school and at home that expecting some kind of Box of Delights dancing-politely-round-the-tree then cooing in delight over each present is bound to make everyone feel a failure. (I do love the build-up though).

I think that some older relatives hope to relive their own memories to an extent when the next generation come along. It's romantic, and I can sympathise with it, But I can't indulge it at the expense of my own children.

A few people have touched upon something I'm desperately trying to make peace with - don't expect your children's Christmas to be just like your own. I must admit I loved Christmas so much when I was a kid, and it really bothers me that my children aren't getting a carbon copy experience. I had big family Christmases and grew up in a very wealthy and privileged household. I'm divorced now so my children instead spilt their Christmas between their father and I (amicably it must be said), but much more low key affair where they're more likely to go and play with their new toys together in their bedroom rather than have the masses of space and relatives to play with that I had

It's funny isn't it? Just as pp said - having said i like a more relaxed style of xmas for my kids than i had growing up, there are some aspects of my childhood xmas which i wish DD could do.

I was an only child and (early 70s), had no tech toys and the first 1 or 2 hours after washing up after lunch was always for the adults to go to bloody sleep ''sit and watch a film'' while i played very quietly with my new things. Although it took quite a bit of restraint on my part to keep that quiet i could do it, and once it was underway i really enjoyed that weird bit of xmas day when i had the gradually darkening room to myself (everyone else snoring) with all the fairy lights on and the tree on ect. and just me and my brand new Pippa/Barbie car/horse/camper-van playing by the tree. When everyone did finally wake up and my dad started wheeling the good old hostess trolly about and my mum started fussing about cooking nibbles it was actually a bit of a sad point as i knew evening was on it's way and then the end of the day. (6 o'clock bed time for me obvs being a seen and not heard child!)

I honestly don't think my youngest DD has it in her to play like that for that long with nothing electric. It was a peaceful and lovely and that ability to be on my own quietly has stood me in good stead all my adult life. DH can't do it !

@Ekdkso999 i have exactly the same about summer holidays as well. I'm always wanting to recreate the joy of my old summer hols (caravan, deserted beaches, chippy tea, ect) but it's just never the same these days. Apart from anything else we don't seem to get those endless days of sunshine anymore. Or is that just me being an old gimmer?