Why are you awake?

[BastardCancerBastardCovid]

I'm up eating crisps. My mum is very ill with cancer and I couldn't eat Christmas dinner yesterday, sleep wasn't happening for me tonight and I suddenly had intense cravings for a scalding hot cup of tea and something very salty. So here I am, on the couch. Munching and MNetting.

What are you doing, what's on your mind at nearly 4am?

My son 11 is autistic and suffers terrible with anxiety, he is having a really rough time. So we have built lego Trafalgar Square and he is just about to finish the CN tower. Showing no signs of wanting sleep yet.

Sorry about your mum, OP.

I was awoken by a screeching toddler. Sent DH to deal with her and all is now quiet, but she woke the 12 week old so had to feed him.

I am awake with a 4 1/2 month old who feel asleep for the night at 5.30pm....a lovely peaceful evening however the consequences are she is awake for the day at 4am..!!!

Really sorry to read some very sad posts, sending my best to all who are struggling right now

It doesn't feel like Christmas this year. We have had presents, decorated the house and bought lovely food, but we were expecting our local shop to be open as it has been for the last 15 years. We ran out of gas and couldn't top it up so we have eaten toasties and delicious cakes. We will have a proper dinner on Boxing Day. I have spent Christmas shaking because of a sudden very heavy period and I have passed clots the size of sausages. DH has been great but I feel like I have let everyone down. My daughters have stopped talking to me, they have ganged up on me since I spoke to them about being selfish earlier in the year, they were supposed to visit for the afternoon for their youngest brother's birthday and they rang up being mean and saying unkindly that they were only staying for an hour. The younger of the two is pregnant again and her mental health is suffering, she wants to lash out and cause pain. It's as though she's a teenager again.
Anyway, we have decided to chalk it up to experience and enjoy Christmas as a season rather than just one day. The children are getting more small gifts today and on Sunday so they certainly won't be missing out, it is just different this year.
I am so sorry for those of you who have lost people. My mum died 20 years ago and it's still very upsetting. 2 sincerely wish everyone peace and some joy this Christmas, however you are celebrating, or choosing not to

Awake worrying again. Mostly about whether DM has dementia but also about DD whose relationship is not great, DS’s job and DH’s health.
They are all sound asleep.

Best, that's rotten. I hope you can get some rest.

Sorry about your mum OP

@JellyNo15 sorry about your dad

@DinkBoo I’m sorry. Handhold for you. I’ve been there myself

My 2 yr old started with a temp Christmas Eve and it’s not got any better. We took him for a covid test after Xmas lunch but I’ve been restless all night worrying and been checking on him. His temp is still between 38-40

Awake with awful anxiety here had a rubbish Xmas day due to it. Think il stay in bed today out of the way and leave family to it as I feel I ruined the day for them yesterday due to my anxiety. I have realised I'm very ill with it as its taking over my life and I need to seek help.

I'm worrying about my only son who is in an emotionally abusive marriage. He wasn't allowed to ring us on Xmas day and my heart is being slowly broken 😢. I lost my own parents in my twenties so know how all of you with ill parents feel. Really sorry for those who have lost loved ones.

Klfahhah, I understand. I feel like I have ruined Christmas too. They've got more small presents for tomorrow but I feel like such a failure. Perhaps a rest will do you good, anxiety is always increased by stress and tiredness. Being ill at Christmas is awful. DH has just woken up and been very kind, but I still feel guilty and lonely. Knowing that my daughter is trying successfully to cause me pain is awful. I am trying to keep smiling but it's tough. Hopefully today will be better for all of us. After all, it is the Christmas season, not just one day. Sending love and peace to everyone.

My young adult son is depressed and spent much of yesterday in bed facing a wall. He did try to join in with Christmas but looked so white and bleak throughout. Heart aches for him and for his sibs who valiantly tried to do warm, normal Christmassy things like drinks and a board game and music, but quietly so as not to stress him further.

He doesn’t find online therapy useful at all and can’t see anyone face to face after present, so all he has is us plus pills. Which is ok-ish, but never great.

I've been awake for hours but only just seen this thread.

I lost my mum to covid on Monday. It was a sudden deterioration so a huge shock. Parents were away, so dad is isolating on his own and it's a country not allowing UK flights so no option to join him. I hope he can get back OK. Sibling is suffering badly. I'm 6 months with their first grandchild.

Sorry to add to the depression.

Love to the PPs in the same situation. I wish I could offer comfort. Take each day at a time and don't set rules for yourself

So sorry to hear of people's losses. I'm awake with baby who has been up since 3:30am he has a cold and can't breathe through his nose

Twin babies woke at 2am. Fed then and they continued to cry for 3hrs .. feeding them again now!

So sorry to hear that @Thack. I hope your dad gets home soon.

Thank you for the hand holds. Sadly I definitely did miscarry this morning, but thankfully the physical pain is already basically over.

Hopefully dh isn't so traumatised he never comes near me again.

Sending love op

Sorry for your loss @DinkBoo
Time helps to heal, I hope you and DH look after each other ok