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Anyone else always the default host?

13 replies

cactusisblooming · 24/12/2020 17:21

I know this seems really petty but I'm hormonal feeling really down about this, but at the same time won't change as I like seeing my family.

No one in my family meets altogether unless it is my house for dinner. They (dps, dsis and dbro) all say that "we need a get together" but then all wait for me to offer a day in my house. I actually really love them all and want a good relationship, growing up we were very close to our cousins as DM and her sister were best friends so always took turns to host things and we saw a lot of our cousins. My siblings NEVER invite any of us together, although they have bigger houses than me. My DM doesn't really cook any more but will make something light if dbro and his family visit her, but she will never do this for me or dsis Hmm
I suspect dsis (who is really dstepsis) has anxiety and that might be why she never invites anyone, but is very pleased to come to mine.
I feel really sad as my cousins have a very close relationship with their parents, they have all taken turns hosting each other over the last few days (they are a bubble) and I really long for that. Dstepdad is quite an odd person and likes them to be on their own, so they are having Xmas alone and he is thrilled about that. We usually go away for Xmas so I'm not referring to Xmas day, I mean in general throughout the year. If I don't invite them we will never see each other. Can anyone else relate?

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cactusisblooming · 24/12/2020 17:45

Should say that for Xmas DM usually goes to her sisters, dbro goes to his ILs, and dsis stays at home. This year dAunt said she couldn't have DM as she would then be exceeding the 3 family rule, otherwise they would have gone there and we wouldn't have seen them, unless I invited them on another day.

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WhatKatyDidNxt · 24/12/2020 17:47

That would be us Hmm. It’s nice this year to not feed and water the 5,000. With then a world of mess to clear up afterwards

cactusisblooming · 24/12/2020 17:53

Katy why do think that is? I'm sitting here wondering why my family seem so dysfunctional 😕

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WhatKatyDidNxt · 24/12/2020 17:57

@cactusisblooming not sure, we don’t have the biggest house! Fiancé is very social plus we both live our food and alcohol

WhatKatyDidNxt · 24/12/2020 17:57

Live = love

shhsecretsquirrel · 24/12/2020 18:02

God, yes, us every year.. except this one!! We can eat our own nice food and drink the nice wine slowly. I think the year off will make me miss them all and look forward to welcoming them back next year... probably...

cactusisblooming · 24/12/2020 18:14

squirrel do you jump in to offer to host or is it just a given? What are you family like during the year, restrictions aside?

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Letseatgrandma · 24/12/2020 18:19

Have you never asked?

cactusisblooming · 24/12/2020 18:35

letseat the last time my mum hosted us together was years ago, and she commented after that she doesn't have enough room for us all. To me it was quite clear that she didn't want to cook again, which is fair enough I suppose. The others cba and don't want to go to the effort I think. I know I should be grateful I have a family etc and I am, but just feel quite sad that if I don't offer to host that my dc won't get to see their family.

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mowglika · 24/12/2020 23:31

OP that sounds really frustrating.. my parents were the ones that always hosted but my dsis and I take turns now. We do enjoy hosting but also it’s nice to kick back and be fed sometimes

My DM is like yours and doesn’t much like cooking anymore, we do still get together at and do a one dish at my DMs, can you suggest that?

cactusisblooming · 25/12/2020 09:36

mowglika DM made it clear several years ago that she doesn't feel she has enough space, (although she has 2 reception rooms and I have 1) and even when we were meeting there I cooked and brought the food to hers. The issue really seems to be that no one cba to make any effort. It's not about the food, it would be lovely to be invited even for a coffee in my mum's house. It just all feels very dysfunctional, especially when I year of friends being invited to their parents/siblings fault. Just yesterday dm informed me that she wants me to host my nephew's birthday party in my house Hmm

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Letseatgrandma · 25/12/2020 10:12

@cactusisblooming

mowglika DM made it clear several years ago that she doesn't feel she has enough space, (although she has 2 reception rooms and I have 1) and even when we were meeting there I cooked and brought the food to hers. The issue really seems to be that no one cba to make any effort. It's not about the food, it would be lovely to be invited even for a coffee in my mum's house. It just all feels very dysfunctional, especially when I year of friends being invited to their parents/siblings fault. Just yesterday dm informed me that she wants me to host my nephew's birthday party in my house Hmm
Surely, you then ask her why she would suggest that?
cactusisblooming · 25/12/2020 10:17

Lets the way I see it is DM has made it clear she doesn't want to have any gatherings in her house, so I'm not going to try to make her.

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