Middle aged and single at Christmas and I'm SO GLAD, anybody else?

[Snowy0w1]

I ordered all the food, just have to take the lids off, ordered the most amazing looking cakes I've ever seen in my life. Nobody is asking how much it all cost or insinuating it could all have been made for half the price.

I didn't have to buy a present for a man, or his mother, I don't have to worry that his present will be shit, or that his present will spell out to me how little he cares, how little thought he gave it, I don't have to worry about how some man on the sofa is enjoying more than half of the freedom, more than half of the disposable income. I have security, job, house, general equilibrium! Teens are a bit entitled but .... again, less than a man They couldn't compete. And they might move out one day! But not for another woman.

I just can't believe I spent so many years wanting a partner. So, if you're reading this wishing large chunks of your life away wishing you were married and ''normal'', stop!!! Take care of yourselves. Validate yourselves. Meet your needs.

I can't wait to just sit around listening to audibles after Christmas day.

Be as lazy as you want to be

I hear you OP, no waiting for the inevitable manufactured argument to intentionally ruin yet another special occasion and no passive aggressive aggressive in laws to deal with. Bliss. 🥳🎉🎄

Hear hear!
Happily single for 5 years now, now 55
Not quite alone though as I have a gorgeous Westie!
DS1 coming for a nice relaxing day tomorrow Other 2 spending it with their GF's but will FaceTime when opening their presents
Merry Christmas all Have the best time possible in current times
Thank you too for the great virtual company as I can't work due to disability

I know, freedom and peace never lose their gloss

@celticmissey

I love this it made me laugh. I'm having to live with my ex at the moment before he moves out next year so its tricky (I caught him cheating)

He's not speaking to me as I won't forgive him so the atmosphere isn't brilliant. I'm in the kitchen playing some Christmas tunes looking forward to a much better, happier Christmas next year!

I was still living with ex last year, so you have my sympathy.

Next year you will be free! It's amazing.

Hope you manage to have some moments of cheer this year anyway and here's to freedom next year!

Thanks for this, I’ve really struggled with the idea of being single this year but I’m coming round to it and you’ve helped me feel more positive. As has a friend texting me in the usual women’s Xmas Eve stress while I’m relaxing with no obligation to do anything I don’t want.

It honestly gets better @bearandaspare

Ive grown in to my single self. It has been so good for me. I feel stronger but not in a hardened way. Just braver less anxious way.

It isnt ovrnight tho

Totally agree! I'm 55 and actually really don't miss having a man in my life. The last one spent most of his free time watching sport and cared more about his car and playing sport than he did me. The last straw was when he said he was planning to shoot a cat because it was sleeping on the roof of his precious Mercedes!

I have some lovely friends and that's enough for me right now. I so enjoy being able to watch what I want on tv, listen to the music I like, without being told it's shit ( by ex), not having to adhere to exacting high standards of housework or going to visit difficult in-laws.

Having spent most of my life longing for a fairytale romance, its actually a revelation to realise I'm actually happier on my own!

Cheers to us all!

Old and single and alone at Christmas and thrilled. Turned down a couple of invitations, have bought the best food and drink, and will be ready to open the champagne at 11amish tomorrow for a bucks fizz.

🍷😘

Not having to buy Xmas presents for my ExH's family members was a very liberating moment. They used to issue lists!

Re the fairytale romance Destinysdaughter. We all should be in love with ourselves and rescue ourselves. I love this post. Enjoy OP. I have ex coming round for christmas dinner with me and his kids but only because i choose to tolerate him so i feel it's on my terms.

I'm another one middle aged, single and alone at Christmas and it is wonderful
Lovely to have no moods, no eating all the chocolates, no fart smells, no loud belching. I'm loving it. Merry Christmas everyone!

First Xmas without my STBEXH and I'm loving it. No drama, I've bought food and drink I like. I'll see my parents tomorrow then binge watch some telly. Why did I not do this years ago?

I'm not quite middle aged, but this will be my third Xmas being single. I have DC too, who will be spending Xmas with me.

I have a vibrator. And I use that when I feel a twinge of loneliness! Relieved I don't have to buy for a partner or have a partner moaning about Xmas, etc..

I'm prepared to remain single until I find someone who will enhance my life, rather than be a bother.

Cheers

I have a DH and a tween DSC who lives with us. They are both at MIL as our COVID bubble and I didn't go, so for Xmas I am alone ("doing" Christmas on Saturday)

I can empathise with OP so much.
I have takeaway and Prosecco for tomorrow and it feels bloody BRILLIANT!

No expectation and no need to cook a turkey tomorrow - just alcohol, TV and takeaway. Will be using this year as a benchmark for the BEST time ever

Cheers OP

Brilliant thread! I really needed this tonight. My first Xmas single since I was 19 (35 now) and I’m finding it strange. I’m lucky to have my mum tomorrow though. How do you get to that place of feeling completely fulfilled in your own?! I need to hear this wisdom I want it so much but don’t know where to start. I’ve been single 3 weeks for context lol

Newly single and enjoying not having to do anything I don't want to. Im watching crap TV, eating what I want (smoked salmon, cheese and biscuits and grapes) and I'll go to bed when I want. No difficult presents to buy, for ex or in laws and family. I haven't even put a tree up, just decorated how I want, a few lights, baubles on willow twigs, candles. I haven't hoovered or cleaned anymore than normal. Tomorrow I'll get up when I want to. Bliss.

What helped me i think was /is a very non academic in philosophy, i did a philosophy for living course and thought about who i wanted to be 🙈, then read non academic books about philosophy such as Edith Hall's aristotles way, the consolations of philosophy by alain de botton).

They helped me. Also went over my values which was a tough process tbh. Harder than you'd think. Or maybe it was only tough for me because i had a wrak sense of myself!

I love psychology and behavior, and im always googling away, it is not a formal education! Youtube and I are in a relationship. Youtube is The One. It's going well!

Cant keep track of all of the great books i read that strengthened me. James hollis, carol s pearson. I also read a load of books specifically about Happiness. Caterine Gray has a great book about being single and a great book about finding joy in the ordinary. Recommend them both.

Im always reading and or listening to something helpful. Ive changed a lot.

This time last year I spent a terrible last Xmas with ex and the kids
He left just after Xmas 2019
I feel very emotional that it’s been a year and I made it !
So agree 💯 OP

@Snowy0w1 am soooooo jealous - good on you! This is the Christmas of my dreams and one I intend to fully enjoy someday - I hope you have a bloody brilliant day - chilling xxxxxxxxx

Excellent post!

I am missing dd who for various reasons is stuck elsewhere this is my first Xmas without her (she's an adult, she's fine)

BUT apart from that, contrary to my mothers concern that I MUST be miserable I'm absolutely fine!

I can completely suit myself!

Can wake up whenever I want (sorry those with little kids but then again this is the reward you really appreciate when they're grown up)

Can watch/listen to what I want (although I'm struggling with this as I'm overwhelmed with choice and can't settle to anything! What's that about? Although I highly recommend "bad moms Christmas")

Xmas dinner is almost completely a freezer to oven job (but still a roast) so no slaving over a hot stove, and I can have it whenever I fancy, I've got a nice breakfast planned, Christmas pud sorted "party" food, a choice of drinks from smoothie ingredients to baileys and hot chocolate and everything in between.

I can slob about in pjs and don't have to worry about looking presentable in photos/video or worse on bloody sm!

OR I could wear a fancy dress, ALL my jewellery and a ton of make up and do my nails and nobody will say "what you getting all dolled up for?" As I've had in relationships on occasion.

NO gift politics (dds are already with her and sorted and I'm confident she'll be happy with them, mums got hers and dads and I already know they're ok from her) certainly as you say op no getting a DustBuster from a thoughtless man! (Yep this actually happened one year! He was lucky I didn't lamp him with it!)

NO in law drama - my ex in law parents are lovely but ex's siblings were twats at times.

NO arguments about where "we" are spending Christmas, his parents or near mine or at home.

NO having to keep track of what dd got from who for thank yous that is all on her now.

NO "having" to watch the queens speech

I'm a great advocate of remaining single unless you meet someone genuinely great. We're as women SO socialised to have a "happy ever after" when for women ime it rarely is.

@celticmissey tune him out! Literally! Headphones on all the time and sing as loud as you like to Christmas tunes or laugh at tv!

@BearandaSpare being single really can be awesome

I have a vibrator. And I use that when I feel a twinge of loneliness!

yep! Much less hassle

@Pinkpercy the longer you're single the more you realise how free you are but it is weird in the first stages

Six years single! No ex, no in laws, no drama!
Wishing all you single ladies a very merry Christmas