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Cheat or did he....

4 replies

oliversmarmy · 24/12/2020 00:05

Hi, not long ended an 8yr on off relationship. It all started to go pear shsped after i got covid pretty bad an 2 days from hospital admission.
When better and out of isolation. I was told by my now ex that he needed space. To cut a long story short not been in the know at the time of his needing space, that he had been seeimg this girl from 15yrs ago, called me after she had thrown him out of her house after i had called him out of the blue, he took the call but she knew it was me, he was crying an said il tell u the truth u derseve to know. That he had been seeing his ex from 15yrs ago. Anyhows after weeks of him dangling me on a string saying give him time, i finally find out he'd been seeing her the whole time so for the last maybe two months he was quiet talkative abt the situ with her and it looked like they were together. Anyhow i ended up doing some revenge stuff,stupid i know. But now her mum called my mate to find out why im so against her an told her that the girl an him are just mates an havent slept together. If they are not sleeping togeyher then why does he go to her house an hang out and why did he make me think they were sleeping together. All along he has also stated that this girl isnt interested in him this way. I dnt understand why he out or 8yrs on the line by telling me this stuff. By keeping me dangling but knowing he wasnt coming back either. I knw as an adult i should respect myself an not have waited it out. But what i didnt say was that i found messages from him n her 8monyhs prior an he said shes not into him that way. I put trust in them both an kinda forgot abt her. An now find this out. But i yold him when i found the texts that if itz her you want then go get her, i also messaged her explaining that since shes been in touch, i see a change in him that i couldnt do an if shes interested then go get him to. Yes i know IM A MUPPETT for telling them both.

Is it normal for a guy to go to an ex house,sit with family an her kidz an yet knowing shes not into him that way but still keep me dangling. Y not just end it with me. Knowing i said go get her n him to her previously.

Now im in situ where ive found out they are just m8s an not slept together.

During this time he said he be in contact b4 and after xmas. Why..... if ur seeing her and her family.

During my choice to stop contact. I managed 6 days. Until i passed him by in my car with stereo up, window down laughing away with my son. He waited a full 4 hrs to drunkenly text saying you alright saw u today you were right by me in your car.

Y not leave me be an go get her.

I'm so bloody confused.

OP posts:
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 24/12/2020 04:55

It's not normal for him to hang out with an ex, drunk text, weep,move in, get kicked out etc.
If you two have no kids then run for the hills.

Are you both very young?

theantsgomarchin · 24/12/2020 05:59

You sound like a teenager I can't quite fathom how you can have had an 8yr relationship.

But anyway. The fact of the matter is, it makes not a blind bit of difference whether he slept with her or not. He has clearly checked out of your relationship and is actively seeking out new opportunities with other woman and telling you so. Accept it and move on. I hope to goodness you don't have children with this person.

oliversmarmy · 24/12/2020 17:18

No kids together, both in 40s, not a teenager, an yes this is my second longest run in a relationship. My previous was 11yrs an i had a child who is now 12. If he is seeking out other women why did he tell me they are together when clearly not by her mum, and not just get rid of me if shes so great etc like he told me. Its christmas an i cant help but think of missing him here wth us this yr. My mates all seem to think they wont last an he'll come back but dnt knw if i am strong enough to refuse an close the door if he did.

The thing i dnt get is that my sons dad left but told me he is leaving me an attmpts to rekindle by me were met with move on from day 1. But this guy seems to have dangled me an yea i let him cause deep down i know i told him to go to her an vice versa with her. I dnt knw what i was thinking doing so.

He said he be in touch over xmas but with revenge stuff i did i doubt it very much.

Is she a rebound, as we all knw rebounds dnt wrk but my sons dad met an married sn had another kid with his nw woman.

Im gutted i gave them the all clear. But did it push them together it was it on the cards b4 her.

U gotta let them go if you love them an if they come back its love but nit iv he is hanging out with her, kids, family.

Im sooo bloody hurt. Alone . My phone only blew up with him an now everythings silent for xmas.

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Onacleardayyoucansee · 24/12/2020 17:26

It seems like you have given him all the power here.
Trying to understand what he is thinking or why he has done this or that.
He sounds like a jerk.

What are you thinking, what are you doing?
Time to level up.
Don't give this utter prick any more of your attention.

Get through this Christmas, you have your son to focus on, and start focusing on you and where you're going, what you want.

New year coming, 2021, no more taking shit from this dickhead, or any other.

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