Handhold please

[Blowingagale]

I’ve copied from 30 days only as it got lost there.
Sorry long I need to talk somewhere not irl. I have some relatives enduring horrible circumstances due to cancer and then Covid exacerbated. I am not vulnerable but I am useless to them. Live miles away and they are now tier 4.

Even before Covid I wasn’t able to provide practical support. Partly due to my own disability including ASD I can’t help two children that really need help. We are physically closest relatives but my close family is vulnerable. I rely on that family.
I’m not the relative in main touch - the ill person won’t be in touch with me as just too much and I don’t expect it. That leaves me even more useless.

I’m worried she feels I should be doing more as she didn’t communicate in the better times when I texted. I think my texts aren’t/weren’t well composed. Whatever happens I will never ask/know.

Here can I have a handhold - irl everyone else needs to hold the relative’s hand. I wish I knew how.

Here. Giving you a handhold.

That all sounds so hard OP. It's such a tough time. Just keep letting them know you're there and that you care. That means such a lot, even if not always acknowledged. I didn't always respond to texts - I lacked the energy and spirit - when I was going through hell but I did appreciate them. 💐 For you. At such times all you can do is take it one day at a time.

Another hand hold from me, you're doing the best you can and I'm sure they're so grateful for everything you do

Thank you all. @sessell I’m not expecting a response now to my texts, communicate with person and they can pass that on seems very sensible. My worry is she did not respond when in remission and back working. I need to remember that would take a huge amount of energy as well.

Trigger MH
News is bad. We as small family had a Zoom. Horrible feeling it may be last.

This is so shit for relative, her closest family and all of us. For myself privately just feel unfair that it isn’t me. I have struggled with poor MH in the past and now a bit ambivalent. (I am not in any way suicidal, just so wish it was me instead.)
I have no children, she is a single parent, important job - so much to live for. It’s not that I don’t have things to live for but they don’t matter in the same way.

Bump as I feel alone

It sounds really difficult for you and everyone in the family. Does the ill family member have assistance with their DC locally? Do the exceptional circumstances allow for you to go and help in person?

Thanks. Right now they have the help I think. I can’t drive or I’d go down, can’t risk train journey, then be on public transport unless there is something I can actually do to help.

Possible MH trigger
Just asking for another handhold.

Cancer and this pandemic are shit for everyone. Again news is bad and not much support we can offer. Could travel but relative is in hospital. Unfairness a bit overwhelming for me. I found the support here last time really helps.

I want to crawl in a hole and never wake up. I have low thoughts, but I’m safe - it wouldn’t help anyone, certainly not my relatives if I hurt myself. There is no way to swap places with my relative, I know that but it just seems so unfair.