Is it better to not tell pregnant friends I'm home because my mum has cancer?

[BastardCancerBastardCovid]

I feel weird about this. I live abroad, have done for quite a few years. So I don't see some of my oldest friends very much at all, but if I come home we'd usually get together. Stay in touch via good old social media.

This time, I'm home because my mum is suddenly very ill. I've avoided replying to a few messages for the last few days (asking about Christmas and so on) because well, the truth is I'm having a difficult time.

We don't see each other much but when we do we usually talk about everything, 'deep and meaningful' stuff, not only chit chat about work etc.

However, my gut feeling is I can't really talk about what is happening right now with my mum's illness with these pregnant friends - I feel like I'd just be sharing sadness with people who are immersed in somethings very different and joyful?

I can't have children so have no idea of the reality of what it means to be pregnant myself, but I don't want to inflict my pain on them for a second. Yet it feels odd to be here, and not in touch

I dont think I agree with you. I've been pregnant twice and I'd have been gutted to think that my friends couldn't rely on me for support, just because I was pregnant.

No, you can definitely tell your friends about this. You need support, and just because they are going through a happy, stressful, absorbing time in their lives does not mean they can't be there for you.

Tell, them, OP. Pregnancy lasts nine months- you don't spend the entirety of it in a state of joyful bliss. Tbh I really disliked being pregnant! Just tell them.

I think if they are good friends who you usually would speak to about big life stuff, then you should speak to them.

Certainly both times I've been pregnant I've still been very much able to be a sympathetic ear for friends going through shitty situations.
They are your friends, and while they've got their own stuff going on, that won't change the way they feel about you, and I can only imagine that they would want to support you and be there for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I think if they are good friends they would want to support you in what sounds a very difficult and sad time. I think them being pregnant is irrelevant. I can assure you, no-one feels unadulterated joy the whole 9 months of their pregnancy. Don't talk to them if you can't face it or just don't want to. But don't avoid talking to them because you're worried you'll make them sad.

I'm very sorry your dm is not well at the moment.

OP you are thoughtful and lovely, and you deserve the support of your friends, who may be pregnant but are still the people you know and who love you. Being pregnant is a part of your life, not all of it and the person they were before the pregnancy is still the person they are now. I'd have been horrified to find that a friend had shielded me from being able to support her during her time of need just because I was pregnant at the time. I'm very sorry to hear about your mum, and I wish her and you all the best.

I'm pregnant and would be so upset if a friend felt they couldn't turn to me or talk to me about something big in their life - happy or sad - because I'm pregnant. Please talk to them if you want to.

Good friends , pregnant or not, would want to support you, I’d be really upset if you were my friend and didn’t tell me . I’m so sorry to hear your mum is ill and wish you all the best. Please tell your friends and let them help you xx

I think it’s a lovely thought, but I would be sad if a friend didn’t tell me something important just because I was pregnant. Tell them.

You sound so lovely and thoughtful but I think they’d want to be there for you, pregnancy is all sorts of things to all sorts of people, I really think they’d like to be there for you x

Definitely do what feels right for you - but don't not tell them based on an assumption you have which may not be correct.

I'm pregnant and a friend of mine has a mum with terminal cancer, she only has a few weeks left with her, I'd be heartbroken if she felt she couldn't tell me. Please open up about it, you'll need the support. 🌺