What would you do in this situation? I’m a single parent to a 2 year old and 4 year old. Their father started becoming controlling and walked out on us when my first born was 2 weeks old. We later rekindled for 1 night and I fell pregnant with our second. It was completely the wrong time to fall pregnant in my cycle but it happened.
So I have 2 children by this man. I have been completely on my own but he visits us as and when it suits him - could be every 2-3 weeks or at times months go by. I later moved back to my home country and he followed a year later but moved 4 hours away for a Job, he says that he moved here so he can see his children, but still, it’s always on his terms. I want my children to know their father - its well documented that children with absent fathers don’t fair well. I bend over backwards.to make this happen as I don't want them to grow up without a dad. However, it’s really hard on me. He picks and choses when he wants to visit and he has to stay in our home as he refuses to pay for hotels etc. He’s quite good with the children but is still very controlling with me and at times aggressive - not in front of the kids, although sometimes he does shout at me in front of them and will often belittle me and call me names like retard, bitch etc.
He doesn’t drive so I always have to run him around when here and he lives in a shared flat 4 hours drive away so we can’t visit him. He refuses to learn to drive and will not get his own place as he says he can’t afford it - although, he very much can. He gives me the minimum required by law and earns a decent wage.
I do absolutely everything when he visits and he just plays with them for a while and then gets fed up and tells me to take over, which is fine but if I decide to go out, he wouldn’t remember to feed them or give them drinks for example. So I’m this catch 22, I either have him stay with me and cause a lot of upset and stress for me, but the boys seem to benefit from knowing him, I go to court and set something up, that will be difficult as he cannot see them in his own home or every fortnight for example - or I tell him that’s it, no more, until he gets something in place that suits the boys. I’ve tried this before and he just cuts contact for months which is cruel on the kids. The problem I have is that I am also desperate for a break every now and again but I am also terrified of letting him have them in his home as he lives with his head in the clouds and I worry so much that they will get hurt from him being so careless.