Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Can't do this any more

22 replies

treening · 19/12/2020 23:52

Just can't. In tier 4 from midnight tonight. My family are too (all in London). This is my family set up:

Dh and I live with Ds (4) in a tiny flat with no garden. Both WFH. I took DS out of school 3 weeks ago to isolate him so he could see family at Christmas.

My DM has a chronic illness (not one making her vulnerable to covid) and lives with my sister who cares for her. My sister has numerous mental health problems.

My mum has a partner in another tier who can't live with her because he is carer to his elderly mother with dementia.

My brother has high functioning autism and multiple suicide attempts behind him. He lives alone.

My other sister lives with a boyfriend whom I suspect is abusive. She has a history of self harm.

I am trying to field all of these individuals, every single one of whom I love dearly and every single one of whom is more at risk from poor mental health than covid.

I cant do it any more. I am so sick and tired of people being sneery and dismissive of mental health. What am I actually meant to do. Leave them all to it? Every single one of them requires face to face interaction to keep them well.

I'm just at the end of my tether with it all. I dont want to carry on with life tonight. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I'm fucking sick and tired of being told to suck it up. I can't bear it.

OP posts:
Gettingthrough2020 · 19/12/2020 23:53

Totally. I'm fed up of everything.

PinGwyn · 19/12/2020 23:59

That sounds tough, I agree that Mental Health needs to be a consideration too.

Could you all agree to form a large bubble - try not to mix all at the same time obviously but meet up separately in household groups instead so that you all have done face to face interaction?

mum11970 · 20/12/2020 00:00

Would attempt to try and make you feel but better but I feel exactly the same. I have literally reached breaking point now.

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 00:01

I just can't stop crying tonight

OP posts:
Raiseny · 20/12/2020 00:05

@treening I’m sorry. I’m not much support as I too feel broken tonight. All I can say is that it will feel different in the morning, it’s usually always worse at night. Hold on xx

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 00:08

I get so upset reading mn as well and just hearing everyone constantly say selfish

I'm not selfish, I'm trying my best for everyone

OP posts:
EnglishRose1320 · 20/12/2020 00:13

I'm afraid I'm not in tier 4 and don't know the exact rules but I know people in my family with similar issues have been allowed a member of the family over to support their mental health.
Although unfortunately it doesn't mean you could all meet up together, can you go over individually to help in a caring role? Still not ideal I know and yes this does completely suck and it is totally okay to feel crap about it tonight.
I'm really sorry you are having to juggle everything and I'm sorry that things like taking your son out of school early will feel so redundant now.
If talking/ranting on here helps then please do keep getting it off your chest. Sometimes it's easier to vent at a stranger.

AdoptedBumpkin · 20/12/2020 00:16

I feel for you OP. Not much I can say except well done for trying to look after everyone.

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 00:16

And people will say Christmas is "one day" well yes it is but it is one day my brother has tried to kill himself on multiple times

So who do I support on that "one day"?

OP posts:
ATieLikeRichardGere · 20/12/2020 00:17

That sounds so hard and I’m really sorry. No wonder you feel like you can’t cope.

If you need to go and see family who are struggling then I really think in the circumstances it is acceptable. You are taking reasonable steps to mitigate risk but you can’t carry the whole weight of covid prevention on your shoulders.

I agree with PP that night is always worse. Also these announcements have come as a shock. So it’s all too much right now. You will feel better.

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 00:28

Thanks all. You're right, it is always worse in the dark isnt it.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 20/12/2020 00:32

I think tonight you need to bundle up and take care of you. Letting out the tears is healthy.

Gobbeldegook · 20/12/2020 00:40

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 07:01

Thank you everyone. I feel a little better today.

OP posts:
Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 08:00

Struggling again. Just hate there is no provision for the seriously mentally unwell

OP posts:
thesunwillout · 20/12/2020 08:26

I'm sorry op I understand the frustration and helpnessless of there being no back up for mental health.
As a carer and sufferer myself it's demoralizing and upsetting when you feel that you are the 'one' people rely on.

Im thinking back to some of the rules and mental health support is a valid humane reason to support/bend rules.
But, mostly, in being a support, try also to put your emotional well being first.
I understand how overwhelmed u feel, and if anything know you're not alone.
It's bloody shit, but try and work your head and heart around this.
X

Unescorted · 20/12/2020 08:47

The support for MH carers is minimal & in normal circumstances it is overwhelming being the one who tries to glue everything together. I cannot imagine how difficult it is now.

I just had a look on gov.uk at the guidance for Tier 4 - you can still form support bubbles with those people who need care or respite. It will still need juggling. But you could see your brother and sister outside and visit your mum and other sister for Christmas day. It is not ideal - far from it.

You can still take unlimited outside exercise so you could do as we have been doing up here & rug up and go for walks or cycle whenever it stops raining. Exercise and open air have made such a huge difference to people stuck in flats in Manchester. You could give walks purpose by downloading tourist guides to London. I know this sounds really shit and a bit glib but it made a huge difference to me to shift my mindset to resilience mode.

Stay safe & much love to you & your family. xxx

queenofknives · 20/12/2020 09:02

The rules are inhumane and tyrannical. Ignore them. Take care of yourself and your family, and have the best christmas you can Flowers

DianaT1969 · 20/12/2020 09:31

Are they all within walking distance? Can you all agree a set time over the holidays to be at a park? Outside takeaway coffee and chat. You are allowed to meet one other person outside according to Boris's rules yesterday, but they won't all turn up - plus there are exceptions for caring. So you could say I'll be at the park at 11am each morning this week. See you there!

DianaT1969 · 20/12/2020 09:32

Covid transmission outdoors is low, you won't be hugging. But this only works if you're all in the local area.

Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 10:59

Are they all within walking distance? Can you all agree a set time over the holidays to be at a park? Outside takeaway coffee and chat. You are allowed to meet one other person outside according to Boris's rules yesterday, but they won't all turn up - plus there are exceptions for caring. So you could say I'll be at the park at 11am each morning this week. See you there!

Mum isn't able to be outside and one of my sisters has agoraphobia. She can only travel in a car.

OP posts:
Original poster
treening · 20/12/2020 10:59

We are all within a 3 mile radius of each other in the same tier.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page