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Advice please

2 replies

akmum18 · 18/12/2020 22:02

My parents are recently divorced and my dad left the family home to rent a one bedroom flat 4 months ago. He has never lived alone before and has always relied on my mum to take care of him. Now he is expected to learn to ‘adult’ for himself he is struggling and relying on me for mental and emotional support. I haven’t got anyone else to share this burden with as my siblings are too young but I am struggling taking on this responsibility as a single parent with no help or support myself. He has asd but he refuses professional help and complains no one is helping. His idea of help is for them to do everything for him. I care about him and I’m worried that he’s alone but I don’t want to take care of him anymore. He will be hurt and upset if I tell him I will no longer be his personal therapist but I can’t handle phone calls through the day to tell me how he feels when I have work, children to care for, jobs to do and want to have time to relax. He has no one to spend Christmas Day with so I feel like I have to invite him to spend it with us. I feel like a bad daughter for not wanting to invite him as I know he will ruin the day with his negativity. When I see him I feel anxiety and stress as he puts a lot of weight on my shoulders by projecting his issues onto me. I don’t enjoy spending time with him. I don’t think this will get better with time and if I suggest he seeks a real therapist to speak to he will still continue with the constant contact on top of that. Can anyone advise what I should do next without hurting his feelings or ruining our relationship?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 18/12/2020 23:52

Just say “
Sorry can’t talk now, these kids are hard work”
, “ jeez it’s difficult being a single parent... too much on, listen I have 10 mins to talk you through how to do some but I don’t have the 30 mins to actually do it. Get your notepad out.”

AFP10 · 19/12/2020 18:12

As difficult as it is I think you need to flip this back on him; "I'm finding x really difficult so I've decided to put y in place". "I'm going to speak to MIND/local mental health charity to see what support is available to you as you need to speak to someone other than me as this is not healthy for either of us."
Re Christmas; I would say, we'd love to have you but it is going to be an upbeat day, no talk of break up or pandemic etc so if you feel that will be too difficult for you then I understand if you want to stay at home. Or use the latest COVID restrictions as your justification to keep it to your household only.

I think some counselling for you personally would be good so you can learn to establish boundaries with your Dad.....Google NHS Healthy Minds in your area and you can self refer.
Good luck Flowers

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