How to manage toddlers tantrums alongside a new born?

[Bigbird007]

I have one child (DS-18 months) and another on the way (May). I am growing concerned on how I will manage with the two when DS is 'having a moment'. DS has recently begun to have a Lot of tantrums which I am aware is normal, however, it drives me insane. I worry these outbursts will get worse in the "terrible twos" and adding sleep deprivation into the mix will make me one cranky adult. Anybody have any experience of two little ones close together? How did you find it? How did you manage? All thoughts welcome.

To get us through the first month when you have very frequent feeds/nappy changes with the baby it was really helpful having a special bag for the toddler to look inside which contained a 'present' in it (nothing big-a pack of balloons/a car/a pack of crayons/a pack of stickers ie pound land stuff) and letting the toddler open it when you have to do a feed/nappy change. so the toddler discovers a treat each day. I actually found it wasn't needed much after the first few weeks but really helped ease the transition when I was looking after both kids alone.

I had a similar age gap to yours (two years and two months). I kind of just ignored the tantrums. A lot of the time, I couldn't stop what I was doing with the baby, so my eldest just had a strop while I left him to it. Or I would put him in his room and close the baby gate so he couldn't escape while he calmed down.

When we were out, I had a double buggy, so I could strap him in when he was having a meltdown while we were out.

If you can, make sure your eldest gets loads of attention. DH took DS1 out lots so he got spoilt and got to so lots of fun things with dad. We also kept DS1 with the childminder for a month after DS2 was born so he got to do lots of fun things and I could catch up on sleep in the day.

Oh god I can’t offer any advice but I will follow to see others. My baby is four months old now and I’d say the early days were actually easier. My two year old has become so emotional and the baby is not the best at napping so has loads of awake time. I have tantrums all day. He has zero interest in the baby and cries for me to put him down so I can play with him! (Unhelpful sorry)

I’m actually going to put him in nursery two days a week to keep him active and give me a minute if that’s an option for you. Or family help?

Sorry for my unhelpful comments ha! However if I do respond with empathy and affection and remain calm whilst still not allowing him to hit or throw etc he comes out of it so much quicker. Useful advice for me was remembering they are both babies! Oh and not my best parenting moment but Disney is my life saver...

Also if you want to go outside the next day then pack the bags and iron the clothes! Xx

Ooh I remember it well

Divert divert divert! See it brewing and declare something, pass them something or ask for help with something!
Obviously you can't be tantrum catcher with a 100% success rate, but find their weak spot diversion wise and use it to your advantage.
Ignore them is another one. Just walk off as long as they're safe.

Praise them so they think the sun shines......

Now do you want to tell me how to get my 19 and 20 year old to help more around the house?

It is hard with two especially when they both have quite basic needs that must be met. My gap was slightly bigger but I actually found my daughter to be much angrier at 3 than 2 so you might find it’s better than you hoped with a little baby.

One tip would be to keep the nap as long as possible. I found it a godsend to have some peace to re-charge even if it meant pushing bedtime a bit later.

@ivelostmytrousers That is an amazing tip thank you. Will definitely be using this!

@Christmastreefairy5000 I was wondering whether or not it was worth getting a double buggy. Sounds like it's very useful.

@Fisharefriendstoo that's ok. I appreciate your experience of 2 under 2. The struggle is real 🤣😭 Yes, Nursary or Nanas house may very well have to become an option a couple mornings a week if I'm struggling.

@Fisharefriendstoo you iron?! I’m impressed. That went out the window for me when DD1 was born. Now I’m expecting DD2 I expect standards will slide further!

@GinandGingerBeer- I have no advice I am afraid 😂 the things I have to 'look forward' to 🤣

@Tiquismiquis Here's hoping. Naps are a gifr from heaven 😂😭😴

Ah I know I shouldn’t really brag when Moana is usually child minding to allow me to do it 😅