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Issues with dm

10 replies

Serena1977 · 17/12/2020 16:54

I have dreamt of becoming a teacher all my life but after I did my degree I was told to come home. I mentioned it a couple of times after that. She always came up with why I shouldnt do it eg I wouldn't be very good at it, she didnt think my health would be strong enough and just made me feel rubbish about myself.

Then my dad died and 3 years later I met my now dh and moved 40 minutes away. She has tried to mess that up by criticising my dh and saying he wasnt good enough. Then I said I was pregnant, she wasnt happy, she just decided I wouldn't cope as a mother then I had my second, she said it was too soon after the first.

She is very needy and wants me all to herself (never treats my brother in the same way). She is a very negative person and is quite nasty about everybody.

I am now in my early 40's and my dh has recently encouraged me to again look it to training. Fast forward a few weeks and I have been accepted to all 3 training courses I applied to. I am ecstatic and wouldn't have even tried without the support of my dh and the school that I work in.

I told dm all this today. She thinks we cant afford it and shouldnt take a student loan to pay for the course fee. The course is 1 year. I wont be able to cope, it's not fair to the DC, I'm too old, we'll have our house repossessed, my mental health isn't strong enough ( I had pnd after 2nd dc).

It's made me question it all even though it's been a dream for 20+ years. Everybody else says I'll be a great teacher . My dh is 100% backing me.

Why is she like this? Why cant she build me up?

Am I being silly still trying to fulfill my dream? What should I say to her?

OP posts:
Paranoidmarvin · 17/12/2020 16:59

Do it. Just do it. Ur not too old. Ur being amazing. Ignore ur mother.

Mariebarrone · 17/12/2020 17:01

You are not being silly to fulfill your dream. It’s an achievable dream, go for it.
As for your dm - well she’s just a narcissistic woman.
Go for it.
Flowers

AuntieDolly · 17/12/2020 17:20

Stop telling her. What a horrible Mother.

lazylump72 · 17/12/2020 17:46

op you are so much than just a daughter..you are a wife and mother and i presumme admired and loved by your family.Imagine if you could break free from the negativity of your mum ,go on just imagine what a difference you could make to young lives.You owe it to yourselfto do this one thing just for you cos you matter,Go be an inspiration to the children who have yet to cross your path,You can do this and you should.You could have something so rewarding if you took the chance,Your mother does not have to support you or approve thats ok nothing wrong with her opinion but it is only an opinion wrong and invalid but its hers and she is enttled to it !!! All she has to do is accept and thats her issue not yours...

Britishmanagersclub · 17/12/2020 18:03

Prove the bitch wrong.

Holothane · 17/12/2020 18:05

Get rid of the cow she’s done nothing but drag you down go no, best thing you’ll ever do.

Jakey056 · 17/12/2020 18:06

Hello. I'm in a similar boat. Look at my last thread about my DM. My advice is to cut her loose - you are early enough in life to change without her. Congrats you sound brilliant but have internalised her narrative. Your work now is to see who you are without her.

Serena1977 · 17/12/2020 20:27

Thank you for being so kind. She really has chipped at my confidence all these years whereas my dh tries to counteract it.

OP posts:
FreshEggs · 18/12/2020 18:23

Definitely go ahead and do it. Mine is the same, everything I do is a bad idea.. marriage, age when having kids, two kids instead of one , house, job, extension. Everything met with ‘concern’ and disapproval and a suggestion that i don’t know what I’m doing.

I have worked out that when I do something, eg get married at 24 she disapproves because she got married at 29. It’s like she takes it as a slight against her, that I did something differently or at a different time.

I am a transport worker and she always says “when you get an office job” just because it’s what she did!

I don’t know if this is the case with you but in my case it helps my self esteem to realise that it’s my mums issue.

KILNAMATRA · 19/12/2020 00:44

I did it and it has helped me get a job where I teach from home! Brilliant with family life. You can do it. One tip though, do that progress log every single week...and I dont earn over 21000 do no student loan payback yet..

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