Where did you meet your friends?

[drspouse]

The ones that call you to check how you are and meet up for a coffee?
I have a very few (like, maybe, 2) good friends who I know through the school run (one is a parent of a friend of DD's and one a parent of a former classmate of DS) but DS is in a PRU and we don't see any of the parents and his former classmates' parents now breezily wave hello and don't want to meet me separately. I check in with them and then they ask how I am; when we can, we meet for a coffee, but usually me that suggests it.

I have one friend that I met through knitting, two that I know from postgrad days, (the last two don't live locally so no coffee meetings in normal times either). They will also just text or call to find out how I am.

All the other people we know are either friends but not close enough to bother asking how we are, or no longer talk to me because DS is either not acceptable or just off their radar, or if they are parents of friends of DD's they are just casual school gate acquaintances.

I was in an organisation that I thought I had friends in but having left clearly they weren't good friends because they haven't bothered asking how I am (the kind of friend that I always had a family/relationship/child update on when I saw them regularly); I don't have anyone I'm close to at work (I feel that work can sour relationships, TBH, for example one friend that went through adoption with me now just sends me terse functional emails at work - variety of reasons).

So where do/did you meet the friends that you have seen through thick and thin and that STILL keep asking how you are when you don't see them often and/or you are no longer in their daily circle? Or where do you meet new friends that you can call up/will actually call you/will be reliable when suggesting a meet for coffee/walk in the park?

university
primary PTA

also
work
toddler group

Pubs, uni, workplaces, sports clubs

Funnily enough, despite three sprogs, I never made any 'mum' friends beyond a 'hi how are you' level.

Ahh it's hard OP, especially in times like these

I think I may have been at my workplace too long - I do have some friends that are long term (but not super close) from previous workplaces, but they were places where I was only a short while.

We’ve moved around a lot, so my best friends live nowhere near me.

4 I met at uni, 2 I met on an expat forum while living abroad.

We moved last year to a new build estate which I didn’t think would be my thing, but it’s proved a brilliant way at meeting people. I regularly see two women from the estate & now making an effort with other mums on the estate who are due around the same time as me.

Raves
Ibiza
Previous flatmate

All over 20 years ago now

Mostly work, post natal group, kids school, weight watchers, evening class.

best friend from first day at secondary school, over 40 years ago. Others from work and the pub I ran.
The quality of friends is more important than the quantity

Fellow school mums and former work colleagues mostly. Old school and university friends I still see when I can but we aren’t close any more. I was very close to my NCT friends for a few years but that’s fading now, after a decade.

I think there's a perception that everyone else always has more friends than us. Really, most people only have very few close, real friends, even if we also have a wider group of friends and acquaintances.

The ones I know who are genuine friends and will always be in touch with:

One from school, five who I met 15 years ago when DD started school and one who I presently work with.

We'd like to move to a different area in the next few years, but are nervous about making friends, so I think for us it'd be about joining different clubs. Although, we might be in a position to retire in five years, I think we'd both look at working initially and DH especially would do voluntary - even if we didn't make friends, it would get us out.

2 at uni in 2008.
The rest at breastfeeding group / baby and toddler groups in 2018.

Most of my friends are from secondary school although one friend I have known all my life.

I've met another in the gym and one from work.

Obviously I have a wide range of acquaintances too.

University and mum groups. Didn't make any new friends between being a student and being a mum though I did try joining groups and volunteering.

Best friend - (the ride or die type. 3am call and she would be there) we met at work when we were about 16.

Girl group - (pre COVID, weekly meet ups, WhatsApp chats every day) friends since school.

Other friendships friends : school run/baby groups/ work/ girlfriends of past boyfriends.

1 from school.
A few from uni.
A couple who are wives / partners of my husband, who then became friendly independent of that relationship.
2 kept on from NCT
2 mum friends from toddler groups.

But thinking about it, I haven't actually now made any new friends in about the last 2.5 yrs. I haven't worked for three years and moved away from my last job, so the couple of work friendships I had have petered out.

But that's enough to maintain properly I think for now. Just wish some of them were geographically closer!

Wives of my husband's friends that should say 😂😂

School
Uni
Postnatal classes
Netmums
Toddler group
Kids primary school

Primary school
A postgrad course
First job
Second job
Through DP (mates with her husband)
The pub
NCT group
A baby class

High school
College
Through my sister
And when DS was at nursery.

Baby groups - Coffee at least once a week, regular nights out, weekends away
Work - WhatsApp and meet every couple of months for far too much wine
University - WhatsApp all the time and meet up a few times a year
School - WhatsApp/Zoom but only see each other in person once a year or so

Clearly we're talking pre-Covid here!