The Christmas What they say vs What they mean

[ohgetoveryourself]

Prompted by day complaining that he “hadn’t eaten all day”. I’ll start..

I haven’t eaten all day= I’ve eaten three times but feel like eating something else now and I want you to feel bad and make it....

Relative that visited pre covid for a coffee on the way to meet friends. They asked to come to us for a stop and short drink and loo break in their journey. They never bother contacting us normally. We were conveniently located and free rather than the motorway services.

“I’ll be alright to have a small plate of bits” = I’d like a full on proper roast dinner that you should have anticipated me wanting and will judge you for not providing it when I gossip to the extended family about how stingy and unwelcoming I think you were.

They are now surprised when we say “sorry we’re not around that day” for any further visits, which sparks a whole load more commentary about how rude and awful we are to anyone who will listen.

I don't want anything for Christmas = I'd be seriously pissed off if you didn't get me anything for Christmas

DH: what would you like for Christmas

Translation: thinking is below me, don’t forget you once asked for a surprise and I gave you a lint roller, how did you like them apples.

some great ones. The season of barbed comments is upon us!

MIL ... You can just eat what you want = How dare you not eat every scrap of my over cooked offerings..all 15 meat based courses even though I know you are veggie

DH .. I will do everything this Christmas = I’m amazing cos I carved the turkey

My DM: we'll just pop over for an hour at 5pm

What happens: still here at 11pm having drank all my baileys and a bottle of wine, starting to snore in a chair while intermittently saying ooh I must be off shortly.

My mother, in the current climate: I am just handing it in at the door, I'll be five minutes, no, no, I'm definitely not staying

=

she's having at least two cups of tea

Me - "such a shame we can't meet up before Xmas for a wee drink and catch up" = Yay, thank you tier 3, your only redeeming feature..

Dh- don't stress! I'll help !

Translation- I'll "help" by asking you where everything is/ how to do everything/ fail to do it even adequately so you'll never moan again

Mil- Buy whatever for dgc and I'll wrap and pay for it!

Translation- Buy something within a budget I haven't set and if you go above or below that, unsaid budget, I will either judge you for being cheap and making me look cheap or I'll rankle at the cost and tell you how what you bought wasn't worth that much!

Is it Christmas yet?

= I want to drink alcohol mid-week

I don't need anything for Christmas

= but there's loads of things I waaaaaaaant

Have we sent a card to xxx?

= have you written a card to xxxx?

My DM: "we need to sort out getting the presents to yours for DC" = "you need to come and pick these present up for DC