Would your MIL visit when everyone is at work/school

[borageforager]

My MiL is staying with us for 10 days (because of a house move), DH is at work & kids are at school, so entertaining her/looking after her has fallen to me.

She is driving me potty! She requires looking after, won’t make herself a cuppa, has to be fed entertainment - ‘why don’t you look at the newspaper now, Mildred?’ - I think part of this is about not wanting to overstep boundaries because I’m her DIL but I’ve been her DIL for 13 years! & she is so rude, I expressed my sadness this morning that my sibling has decided not to join us for Christmas, & she said she thought everyone was moaning far too much about not seeing people. She thinks the town we live in is horribly ugly. Etc etc.

Anyway! I told DH I thought having a MIL to stay for so long when their actual adult child isn’t around (because they are at work) and the grandkids are in school was unusual because there’s no reason for the MIL to be there. He thinks I’m wrong & it’s quite common. Is it?!

Isn't her house move the reason she's there?

No way in Hell would I have had any of them round.....
Your dh is a cf having her there when he is at work. I would be finding some headphones and taking long long walks.

Or as I read on here the other day, an mner packed herself a flask and a book and parked up somewhere for some peace!! Genius!!

@OrigamiOwl

Isn't her house move the reason she's there?

Yes, in this instance. But it isn’t the first time. I think I notice it more now because all my kids are now in school!

God no.
MIL lives abroad and last time she visited I did have to entertain her for 2 days as DH working and I was on mat leave. That was bad enough but at least I had DD (which was the reason for her visit, to meet baby).
No way on this earth I’d entertain MIL without DH or DD.

You don't need to entertain her! My MIL comes for extended visits (lives overseas). Sometimes we do things together. Sometimes I just leave her to it, "I'm going out! See you later! Make yourself a cuppa if you want one!!"

Sometimes she goes out by herself, I find printing her a copy of the latest bus / train timetable helps .

I have a relationship with my MIL though outside of with my DH.

Maybe you need to take the lead more?

My GPs used to stay when we were all at work and school but they entertained themselves by cleaning, gardening and having a meal ready when we all got home.

I'm still not sure mum loved it

House move or other compelling reason aside I think it’s very odd.
Surely parents normally visit or stay when their own child is around?
I’d have found that an awful strain as I like my own space. Can you insist, nicely, that she helps herself to drinks at least?
In the future I’d be telling DH she comes when he isn’t working and I would largely leave the entertaining to him.

I’d help out, as you have done, due to a house move or similar temporary life event unless they were twats, but I’d find myself inventing excuses to escape the same room after a while.

I think you need to be way less sociable.
Offer a brew when you're making one.
Choose the tv you want.
If she wants to sit there and look at you then that's fine.
But yep go out a lot!

And tell dh he'd better save a lot of holiday for her next visit as you're unavailable.

Mine would (she lives abroad but often comes over for a week while DH is working and the kids are at school), but I like her so it’s not an issue. We do some stuff together, she amuses herself when I’m doing my freelance work, and she helps with the children when they’re at home.

She's not visiting to see people though is she, bit because she needs somewhere to stay. So assuming she's not frail, just carry on with life.

Well you know where the kettle is Mildred, I have to pop out. There's a spare house j key there if you want to pop out. See you later