What do you do with your 11+ Yr old particularly if they're only dc?

[Wicker382]

DS is nearly 12, year 7. During primary school we were always busy. I'd arrange lots of playdates, I'd meet up with friends and their kids or it would just be the 2 of us and he'd be happy with my company.

Now he's in secondary school it's all ground to a hault (obviously covid isn't helping). I just know that I can't now organise his social life for him and he doesn't enjoy doing stuff with my friends dc whereas when he was little he'd be happy to play with anyone.

He's got some nice friends in school but the friendships haven't developed outside of school yet. I'm just looking at the 2 week Xmas holiday and I just don't know how to fill the time. I dont want him glued to the xbox. He'll walk the dog with me but that's only an hour. DH works long hours so its often just the 2 of us. Just feeling a bit sad and redundant.

My DD is 12 and I notice that the girls are much better at organising their social lives than the boys are.

This year though, they have begin to hang out with the lads at school more and they've started to meet up with them in a little group.

Boys, from what I've seen in life and on mumsnet, are usually not as active until they're a bit older.

By 13 or so, they're thinking more about girls and arranging weekend meet ups.

Could you look at a shared hobby in the meantime? What about mudlarking or metal detecting? Something you could do together.

When he's a bit older, he'll be more active I imagine.

I say she's 12 but she's almost 13 as are her friends. There's a huge gulf between 11 and 13.

My DD is almost 13, and in these odd times it’s difficult. I try to make sure we do things together at least a couple of times a day. Nothing major, dog walks, cook, do a puzzle, play video games or watch a film or an episode of a series. Other than that she’s generally happy WhatsApping her friends, reading or playing on her iPad.

He skateboards around the cul-de-sac with his friends or bags me to take him to the skatepark 😂. He sometimes goes into town after school with his friends but they’re not allowed to meet up after school now and there’s not much open anyway and it’s dark by 4pm. I also feel pretty redundant!

*nags

Bike rides, walks, swimming (if allowed), building stuff (Lego etc), help in the garden, learn to cook!
It’s rubbish at the moment 😢

My friend sometimes does Pokemon Go with her 12yo DS. He and my DS sometimes meet up to do it but she went with him once and got really into it.

I’ve started cooking with my Y7 11yo on Sunday afternoons. We make dinner and usually some cakes. He’s not massively interested but we both enjoy the chance to hang out together.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions. I do feel like we're in a weird limbo. I'm just itching to organise something for him. Obviously covid is making things so much more difficult. He does out on his bike with a couple of his old primary school friends, im just wondering when or if his new friendships will kick in.

I think I need to just try and relax and let him do his own thing. We do watch some shows together and walk the dog every day. It's hard letting go!

If he's happy leave him be. I was quite the loner until I hit about 15. Some kids are happy at home.

My ds is 14 and an only. We take the dogs out, go for lunch, have a coffee and cake somewhere, go cycling, cook together (or he cooks and I am called to find things or consult on the recipe technique), do something creative, do some DIY, do a HIIT workout together, or watch some TV together.

I do appreciate for him that gaming on his PC is relaxing, and the way he connects with his friends so we usually agree on some sort of schedule that suits when he's arranged to meet them online (his friends live out in villages so its hard to get together physically), and things I want to do. It works pretty well even when we can't do things we would normally like swimming, museums, cinema and so on

What about geocaching with him? Bike rides? The kiwi crates, there's one for older kids.

It's especially hard at the moment but I find that I do need to help my DS arrange his social life. He's just turned 14 but he's just not great at remembering to arrange to see people at the weekend etc so by Thursday I tend to give him a reminder to make plans or make some suggestions, book a tennis court for him etc. Maybe some people think he should be doing this all independently but IMO lots of boys take longer to sort things like this. He's not glued to WhatsApp etc like lots of my friends daughters for example.