Au Pairs

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Hi everyone. I posted this in the parebting section, but it doesnt seem to be getting much attention, so im posting here in hope of getting some answers.

After discussions last night with my husband, its likely im going to have to get an Au Pair next year to help me out. My husband is due to deploy (hes in the military) and I dont live near either set of parents.

Has anyone had an Au Pair before? Where do I even go about finding one? Does anyone have any tips or advice about getting one?

My son will be around 18 months to 2 years old when i'll need to employ one.

Thanks!

Hopeful bonk

BUMP! 😂😂

Hello, as far as I'm aware an au pair is only supposed to work for about 30h a week. They usually drop off the children at school, then go about their day (most of them go to a language school), pick them up and entertain them, feed them, do homework etc until the parents finish work. Your child seems quite young to have an au pair at home.

Do you work or do you just need one to have some support at home?

There is agencies or online there is a website called au pair world.

Au Pairs shouldn’t be used for very young children unless it’s dropping off and picking up from nursery. They should not be used for full time childcare.
I used an agency to find mine as they did background checks.
We paid for language courses for ours and also gym membership. They also enjoyed the use of a car at the weekend.
They should be seen as part of the family really.

Ah ok. I didnt realise that, I thought they were sort of a cheaper nanny. I work, but im increasingly thinking I need to cut down my hours. I dont really want to give childcare (outside of nursery) to someone else, but then I also want to keep my job.

I suppose I have some wider life choices to make.

I think in your situation , a childminder would be a better option.

No, nannies are experienced professionals who often are qualified to look after very young children.

Au pairs are 18/19/20 year olds who just finished school and use this as a gap year to improve their English and experience life in a British family setting (if in the UK). Most of them will have very little experience with children, especially such young children.

We have a nanny 3 days a week and he goes to a childminder 2 days a week. Our nanny is leaving in February and I will then start a nanny share with my friend (both of us have 1 child, same age) and we will alternate which house is being used which cuts down cost.

They're essentially untrained young adults - they often don't have qualifications and aren't supposed to to have sole care - sort of a live in babysitter where you get a bit of childcare and they get board/language lessons.

You sound like you need a childminder or a nanny which will cost more but also means they're inspected, first aid trained etc, and therefore suitable for working with young children

@Stillfunny

I think in your situation , a childminder would be a better option.

I agree.

How long is he deploying for? (Also a military wife here!) could you do longer hours in nursery?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Hopeful bonk

🤣

Best thing of the day so far

He'll be gone 6-8 months. A childminder seems the right option then. Id love a nanny but we just cant afford it. He could do longer hours, but that would be 7-5.

Im beginning to feel extremely guilty about working.

You're then pretty much a single mother working 45-50h weeks and having a small child. Could you reduce your hours at work and work 9-5? I am not quite sure you'll manage by yourself otherwise, I would find it very tough to be honest.

Have a chat with your boss and HR and see how you get on.

Please don’t feel guilty. You are doing what’s best for your family. Would your husband have the guilt about working?
My son was in full time kindergarten from six months until school. I like working and the financial independence that goes with it not to mention keeping me sane!

Sorry I should have been clearer, those hours are what the nursery offers. Not my working hours. Im a nurse, and work in General Practice, so my hours are roughly 9-5ish.

That sounds better. I don't think you should feel guilty, I love my job and career and also love my child.

I don't mean to offend anyone here but working full time gives me the chance to actually really appreciate spending time with my son, i love my weekends with him. I would like to work 4 days a week but my work said no so I can't but I don't think I am cut out to be a SAHM and I would be constantly stressed and resent my husband (just being honest here). It's ok to say that even though some would disagree. He loves his nanny and he gets SO excited when we drop him off at the childminders. I found it tough at first when I returned to work but you get used to "giving them away" and it becomes the new normal.

You get 20% off the fees if your husband or you earn less than 100k which makes it a bit cheaper.

Don’t feel guilty. You are giving yourself and your DC an excellent set up. Different families make different choices and that is fine. Playing a long game, keeping working and giving yourself options is not something to feel guilty about any more that not working and staying at home working blooming hard doing childcare is!

DH and I are both FT and we’ve therefore always had childcare in place. No local family so that wasn’t an option even if we’d wanted it. DC have thrived. I would have been an awful SAHM and we would all have been miserable (and less well off!).

If you want some company whilst your husband is deployed, I think that an AuPair could be a good addition! Do you have a spare bedroom (and ideally bathroom) and live somewhere which would be appealing for a young woman (or man, but more likely to be a woman) to come and live? Generally they want to be near to a large city so they can meet up with other people from their home country.

It would have to be in addition to nursery or a childminder, so an additional cost. The AuPair could be expected to collect from nursery and play with the toddler for an hour or two until you got home, but not have sole-charge all day. If you find the right person, they could be a great extra pair of hands at the weekend too. You treat them as part of the family and they could go on outings with you (if they want to!).

I spent many happy University holidays working as an AuPair all over Europe and was often company for the mum as much as childcare for the children. Just make your needs clear in your advert and see if anyone suitable wants to apply. Although, I don't know how Brexit will change the recruitment process? There are lots of websites where you make a profile and the AuPairs will contact you, or you can pay an agency.