When was your baby first looked after by someone else

[MarahCarey]

... other than you and your DP if you have one? And other than in hospital etc.

I always thought I'd be the sort of parent who encouraged my child to experience little bits of independence early on, and thought by now (nearly 6 months) I'd be doing at least a morning a week at nursery. However, then the pandemic came and it's changed things. My baby has only ever been cared for my me and DH. He hasn't even met his GP due to ECV, plus they live at the other end of the country, and he has not met other friends / family due to rules, distance and safety.

I have a big birthday coming up next June, and although it's a way off, I'm now wondering if it will be possible for DH and I to go for a posh dinner (if restaurants are open by then). As no-one else has ever looked after him or put him to bed, surely it won't even be possible by then? GP live miles away anyway so not easy in normal times but will I feel ready to employ a babysitter for example? The pandemic has made me more cautious than I thought I'd feel.

This post is not about my big birthday plans by the way - that's just one date on the horizon that had me wondering when our baby would be looked after by another person. And thinking about whether / how covid might affect babies' socialisation.

My mum had DD at 10 weeks for an evening on my birthday. That felt a bit young though and I spent the whole night thinking about her and expressing my boobs! DS was probably about 3 months. Can you not put him to bed yourself and then go out?

About a week. I had moved back in with my parents after having DS though as we were moving house and it was easier to stay with them while DH had his kids at the old house and packed. I spent a night over at the old house with the older kids while my parents had DS overnight. It was fine. I trusted them to care for him as I would, because they brought me up too.

About 5 days old and on the day we came home from hospital. MIL had him a few hours a day every day from birth while I went to the gym or just had some time for myself. Bliss and lucky to have someone to help out.

Dd and DS1 both about 1, DS2 is 4 months and hasn’t been away yet

4 months old. He’s 9 months now and stays at MIL’s once a month so me and DP can spend some time together. He loves it and is not a particularly clingy baby. Mil is the only person I would trust him with tho.

Dc1 was 7 months (when I went back to work in the days of shorter maternity leave).
Dt were about 5 months when dc1 had to go in to hospital for surgery.

4 weeks old went for dinner for A siblings birthday. My boobs were sore but was nice to get out

I don't think engaging with others really benefits them at 6 months - I don't think its negative but I don't think its something to worry about them missing out on. A firm attachment to a primary carer is the most important thing at that age.

We had grandparents take her for a walk in her buggy a few times when she was little to help her nap, think the first time we left her with grandparents for an hour she was 9 months but she knew them well. Started nursery at 1, and I'd say started really benefiting from it at 18 months. She's over two and still hasn't been put to bed by someone else, however if it wasn't for Covid I'd say I'd have been happy leaving her with her grandparents downstairs since about 16 months: she knows the well and would be comforted by them if she woke but most importantly is unlikely to wake.

They change so much over the first few years. Don't put pressure on yourself.

My mum cared for ds for 2-3 hours from being probably 3 weeks old as my husband had been diagnosed with MS a month before ds was born & I had to go to the hospital with him to learn how to do his physio & he had several relapses.

The day her younger brother was born. Nothing came up before then that was worth paying a babysitter and we don’t have family willing to help. Nevertheless she started nursery very happily two months after and didn’t mind being left at all.
However, I don’t think it helps to leave them early as they don’t remember it. What I’ve found with my two is the best thing is teaching them that their parents leave and return. You can do that by alternating the two of you and even within the house.

DD was nine months when my parents first had her for an hour or so (once; it wasn't a regular thing). Then my parents and my MIL had her for most of the day over a couple of weeks when I had to do a teaching course and DP couldn't get time off work.

Then she started nursery at 13 months for some half days. I feel quite happy about not having put her in nursery earlier and I also feel 13 months was right and she was starting to need some company from other people. But babies are all different - if they can't walk it makes a big difference in childcare settings IME.

I wish we'd done more letting her be looked after by family. There weren't great options, but we were so keen to be 'fair' to MIL who can't be trusted with a child that we felt we shouldn't let my parents have her much either, and I really wish we hadn't made that decision.

I didn't realise how much you worry. It's really silly - I wish we'd both got over that much earlier. We kept saying we were too worried to leave her alone, but it becomes a vicious cycle.