Hit me with your stress busting tips that actually work!

[babieslovebooks]

I've started a full time job and have 3kids, youngest is 2 and I am frazzled! I have always worked pt and omg, there are days I want to cry due to the sheer exhaustion!

It's fair to say that some of my exhaustion is caused by me feeling really stressed. I get myself all worked up and drain my energy. I need some tips to be more calmer at home and at work. My work causes me anxiety and after a shift I'm absolutely exhausted because of it. I know if I was calmer at work I would have so much more energy. Don't know what to do! Any tips would help.

If you have a partner, make sure you are splitting everything at home, including the mental load, with them equally. I think where you have been part time it can be easy to be left doing more at home.

Running and yoga if I'm being healthy. Chocolate and biscuits if I'm not!! I know running might sound counter productive when you are exhausted but it really does burn off anxiety and stress. And yoga helps as well, nothing fancy just me and my may at home. Yoga with Adriene on YouTube is brilliant, something for everyone and she has some videos targeting anxiety I think? She also has some play lists that divide them by time and some are 15mins so easier to fit in

Hello love, I went back to work after a hiatus at home with the kids (8 yrs).

I'm a lawyer and quickly went from being a dogsbody working 'til 3 to buying in and becoming an equity partner. So I went from a few easy hours a week to a 60 hour week - esp at the moment (insanely busy in property law which is my speciality) and I too have been suffering from all the plate spinning.

I can always tell if we're going to have a good month by the state of my shoulders! I had two days in bed with a bad back, never happened before and I was mortified, so stressed about my team abs the emails waiting for me on my return! Hundreds (529 - how can we deal with that? It's mathematically impossible).

So, I did some work for a good friend and she booked a day out for me. At first I was a bit worried because it was on a Friday in December, but she booked me and her a full spa day with two treatments (full body massage abs full facial and scalp). Then we titted around having lunch and bits and a swim abs a sleep etc. It was gorgeous. I went back to work invigorated and smiling - before I was fucking hating it.

So after all this time, I've finally learned to take a day for myself in the middle of all the madness, and treat myself.

I feel like it's the equivalent of putting my O2 mask on first...

Watching with interest - I don't work full time but do work all the hours youngest is in childcare and do all the cleaning, gardening, kids laundry, mental load stuff. I also know I sabotage myself by getting stressed and would love to be calmer! I also do yoga with Adrienne and it does help but I often struggle to fit it in. I would say that youngest is now 3 rather than 2 and it is getting easier. I really noticed with bringing in the Christmas tree that it was so much easier because we could ask him to stay in one room and he actually did (obviously not leaving him alone for hours or anything!). Rather than one of us always having to be supervising him making it really hard to get jobs done that need two people. Anyway, am interested to see the tips...

Ps too much screen time (faffing on MN...) makes me feel worse... Obviously some screen time is positive (like this thread) but often I'm just randomly scrolling through posts and I would feel loads better if I spent those ten minutes doing yoga, or gardening, or anything non screen based...

Robot hoover! She is brilliant

Identifying the most stressful part of the day and then sorting that out- for me it's easily cooking dinner. The kids go crazy and bicker and turn the house upside down due to being tired and hungry. I batch cook on the weekend or pre prep so I'm ahead and can spend some time w the kids.

Getting a good list software or system so I don't miss the little tasks at work.

I like going for long walks at the weekend. Being outside helps, even if it's wet, cold and windy. The whole family can take part and there is something very satisfying about it . But really, I prefer it to be just me and the dogs.

I have a toddler, a Pt job in SS and a business so I am generally always stressed. I heard a great tip on MN book a monthly (or whatever you can spare) day off leave when the DC are in childcare to do whatever you like. I try to do this when I can and really look forward those days of rest. I also bought a slow cooker and a robot vacuum. I think I have an unhealthy obsession with the rob vac! I have started trying to acknowledge when people are a bit shit, be honest, limit expectations and don't take on more.DH really wants chickens but I've said no because getting him to do his fair share with the current pets and toddler is a struggle.

I did my dissertation on dealing with stress. These things help deal with it:

Exercise
Being creative
Being outside in nature - forests etc
Positive social contact (hug your kids a lot)
Recognising your emotions and articulating them
Being in a flow state - doing something that you perceive to be difficult, but that your skill level is just about matched to. Time stands still doing something like this, because you're so engrossed. For me, writing induces a flow state, so does editing photos in Photoshop, dancing, driving while listening to a good audiobook, etc.

Read the book "Burnout" by the Egnoski sisters too.

Exercise, sleep, vegetables!

Have also worked on detaching from work problems and staying calm. Have an office job - imagine reducing stress when AT work could be much harder in roles working with the public.

I'd be trying to work on the route causes of the stress. I used to feel like this but, via a 12 step recovery (which is a bit drastic if you're not an alckie ) I have been able to completely flip how I perceive life and the stress has slowly melted away.

Do you feel insecure at work?
Imposter syndrome?
People pleasing / over delivering all the time?
Trying to control every little thing then anxious if it doesn't go your way?

Can you afford some private counselling to work on this? As pp said, it's about putting on your own oxygen mask first so you are best placed to help others so is vitally important.

In a nutshell, this is what I have learnt and try (note: try, don't always succeed!) to do now:

• it doesn't fucking matter. All those minuscule things that I thought were the end of the world, ultimately there's always a solution
• people care less than you think about what you are doing and don't judge you even 10% as to how you judge yourself
• it's ok to get stuff wrong / forget if genuinely too busy - apologise, explain, move on
• make it someone else's issue. Unless your the boss, pass workload concerns up. Don't just keep taking on more - I can do x or y which is the priority today please?"
• be honest. Spinning / covering up / presenting stuff to make me feel good just create stress to keep a facade going. Honesty in the workplace is so unusual (!) that people always react really well to it in my experience. It's scary but it works.

When I removed all my 'self generated' stress, it meant my brain was much clearer and I was able to be far more effective / productive which in turn improved stress levels as I was doing well - a wonderful self fulfilling prophecy.

So I would use the Xmas break (assuming you get one) to work on your causes of stress.

Learn TRE traumaprevention.com/ and spend a few minutes shaking off the stress. Sounds freaky but really does work. Was designed to help traumatised communities - war and natural disasters- so not reliant on a professional to assist

Get enough:
Hydration
Sleep
Movement
Hard exercise

I live by this mantra - your mental and physical health is key to being an effective parent, be kind to yourself

@babieslovebooks - may sound bizarre - but I have & others I know - bought a weighted blanket to get a good night's sleep - for various reasons -but they seem to work. Things are always easier after a decent night's sleep . Have a look.

Also - remember there are so few things which are catastrophic in life - difficult yes - catastrophic - no.

All best

Thank you everyone. Nice to know I'm not alone. There's some really good suggestions and lots to think about.

JanetSnakeholeMacklin I love the sound of flow! I am going to have a Google and read some more into it. Is there any books/ or anything you would suggest?

FusionChefGeoff
Your post really has struck a chord. The stuff at work I really do think is insecurity / my work isn't good enough etc. I'm new at this job and feel very inexperienced and there was another person who started when I did who has literally done this job before and I find myself constantly thinking I'm not good enough.

Loving the robot vac suggestions! Any recommendations?

There is a brand called eufy that I really like. Our eufy is fab and has lasted longer than my DPs rumba but at a fraction of the cost. I bought our eufy off of amazon

People are right, exercise will burn off anxiety.

I also have a good bedtime routine, as much as I might want that extra hour to myself I now make sure I get to bed at a really good time abs get up early. I'm a productive person in the morning so I make a to do list on an evening for the next day, so when I'm up first thing I can crack in with that list and feel productive. Come 2pm and I'm crap. But at least I know I've got my shit done in the mornnng.

One step at a time. One of my jobs involves a lot of technical detail, so I just do one step and focus on doing it well. Double check, give myself a little pat on the back and carry on. If you tell yourself something is stressful- it will be!

Lots of good ideas here. I seek regular feedback from people whose opinions I respect at work and don’t waste energy on anyone else’s opinions! Ask in your 121s - take time to consider what you think you could do differently and ask if you’re right. Imposter syndrome is a b - check if your view matches what those respected people think of your work!

Apart from that prioritise what matters most, and put your own oxygen mask on first!

If you search for Ted Stress in YouTube it brings up a talk titled “How to make stress your friend” - it made me change how I think about stress and be less stressed about being stressed!

As a pp said, I'd recommend Yoga with Adriene on You Tube. A lot of the practices are 10-15 mins long. There are specific ones for stress/anxiety, I did a great 10 min bedtime yoga one the other day too.

Trying to find 5 mins in the day to do mindful breathing will also work wonders - Look up 3-4-5 breathing or box breathing. Use free insight timer app to set a timer and ambient noise.

Also look up this Dr Chaterjee Book It is a whole book of 5 minute 'health snacks' to improve your wellbeing. I've got all his books and listen to his podcast regularly, but for someone struggling to know where to start this is really accessible. He recommends picking 3 5 minute things to do each day, it would be an excellent start.

This is why I consider time on MN never wasted

This thread reminded me to stop faffing ineffectually at work admin and head out for a quick run. Feeling so much calmer.

I walk the dog twice a day somewhere out inn a field or wood or similar. I hardly ever fancy a walk when I am indoors thinking about going, but I always go. Two doses of fresh air and solitude and nature do me the world of good.

Ok I've been thinking, you guys are right, some sort of exercise would help burn the stress but alot of you have suggested running. Is there anything else that would work equally well as I tried running a couple of years ago and my knees really hurt only after the first few sessions.

BasiliskStare could you please tell me which one you use as they're quite expensive and don't know which ones are good thx