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Original poster

I’ve just cancelled plans to see my dad for Christmas

23 replies

KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 18:33

Just feeling a bit sad really. He’s 84 - I have 2 teenagers and work in a secondary school and live in the south east.

I’m an only child, my mother died 30+ years ago and he’s the only family I have. My dh is also an only child and his parents aren’t alive.

So it’ll just be me, dh, the kids and the dog & cat.

Things will get better won’t they?

OP posts:
RosieLemonade · 14/12/2020 18:39

Is there anyone else who can visit your dad? Could you surprise him and knock on the door and sing Christmas carols from a distance just so you get to see each other?

ssd · 14/12/2020 18:40

You've done the right thing

Hopefully your dad will be vaccinated soon and it'll be safer to see him.

Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 18:41

He has a couple his age he’s very friendly with so will have lunch with them. Which is really great.

We’ll go down for a cuppa in tge garden over Christmas but it’s a 3 hr round trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 18:41

^ he’s in a bubble with his friends

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 18:42

Is there not anyone else who could visit or could you not go and see him from the end of the drive.

I understand why you are being cautious but there's no way I'd be letting my parent spend Christmas day completely alone.

LizzieSiddal · 14/12/2020 18:42

You’ve definitely done the right thing you’d never forgive yourself if you gave him Covid. He will get the vaccine soon and things will get better.
I don’t think you’ll be the only one to be doing this. I think most sensible people will.

LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 18:44

Cross posted, if he has friends he is bubbled with then it's not as bad. If you feel up to it at some point I'd definitely try and do a visit to have socially distanced tea and biscuits but not necessarily on the 25th.

Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 18:48

@LittleMissLockdown

Is there not anyone else who could visit or could you not go and see him from the end of the drive.

I understand why you are being cautious but there's no way I'd be letting my parent spend Christmas day completely alone.

😀 I was after more support then criticism (hence chat not aibu)
OP posts:
TW2013 · 14/12/2020 18:51

Zoom him and plan something for Easter.

TeenPlusTwenties · 14/12/2020 18:52

I think you are right.
If he is 84 he'll be getting the vaccine hopefully in the next couple of months and then that will make you happier about a semi-distanced meet up.

My DPs are just themselves for Christmas too, haven't seen them since August. DF (90) is getting his first dose tomorrow.

Things will get better, we just need to hang on in there.

LittleMissLockdown · 14/12/2020 18:54

I was after more support then criticism

I honesty wasn't trying to criticise and I understand it's a hugely stressful situation but your original post made it sound like he would be alone and if that was the case I would have been doing everything possible to make sure he wasn't by himself on the day.

As hes got a support bubble and friends he can see whilst it will be difficult to not be together at least he's not alone and you know he will be in good company.

agapanthus1979 · 14/12/2020 18:56

You've done the right thing, @KittyMcKitty
I teach in a secondary school. Covid is rife. I'm sure your dad would prefer a quiet Christmas without you there than a (possibly fatal) dose of covid.
Christmas Day is just that - one day. If fewer people put it up on a pedestal in these global pandemic times, thinking the virus will 'respect' the fact it's December 25th, then the NY will see fewer deaths and a swifter return to 'normality'.
The 'But it's Christmas' brigade need to exercise some common sense.

Roselilly36 · 14/12/2020 18:57

Zoom him, comment made me smile, if you said Zoom to my elderly MIL she wouldn’t have a clue what you were talking about, some elderly people don’t have the internet sadly.

The most important thing is that your Dad is safe.

nosswith · 14/12/2020 18:59

I think you have done the right thing. A pity you could not have agreed it earlier, but nevertheless the correct decision. He is with friends for part of Christmas Day as you mentioned.

Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 18:59

@agapanthus1979 thank you - my kids secondary has only had 2 cases. Mine is not goo though and I was with a year group this morning who have since been sent home. I’ve had COVID so has my ds but we need to be careful and dad plans on being around for a good few years.

Yes Christmas is one day - I’m planning for tgere to be many more 😀

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 19:00

@Roselilly36

Zoom him, comment made me smile, if you said Zoom to my elderly MIL she wouldn’t have a clue what you were talking about, some elderly people don’t have the internet sadly.

The most important thing is that your Dad is safe.

He prefers Houseparty 😂
OP posts:
Cloud1220 · 14/12/2020 19:01

It’s sad isn’t it, OP. DP’s grandma 91 (fit as a fiddle) will be spending it alone. DP’s mum is an only child & works NHS so can’t bubble with her. We have DC in nursery and DP is working as usual (has been throughout) so we’re a risk to her. DP’s BIL is shop worker and they have DS at school so again too risky. So there’s nobody in the family who can safely bubble with her 😢
We did invite her to ours so she knew she was welcome but left the ball firmly in her court to decide. Some elderly folk seem to be of the “I’ve not got to this age to not see my grandkids” mentality whereas others are cautious, so we said we would respect her decision whatever it was. She has chosen not to come, which is a relief because if we have her COVID we’d never forgive ourselves. But still awfulthinking of her on her own ☹️

LethargicLumpOfLockdownLard · 14/12/2020 19:04

FIL and BIL (live together) cancelled our Christmas plans today, which I totally respect. They want to wait for the vaccine as are both vulnerable, FIL due to age and BIL due to compromised immune system. It is our first Christmas since MIL died, which was the only reason we were having them (and SIL and her family) over. They've got each other so won't be alone.
We have DCs in school with cases and I'm a nurse, DSIL is a teacher, so just not really safe enough given the rises around here.
It's for the best. There will be more Christmases.

Madcats · 14/12/2020 19:04

It seems terribly sad, but it is the most sensible plan (and what we are doing with our DP).

We are going to re-do a big meal/get together at 1/2 term or Easter (it's not as if skiing looks to be on the cards). We'll be doing something daft like make an Easter tree and have a simmer cake!

Fortunately DM can bubble with my brother who will set her up on a video call to a tablet or phone (she enjoys reminding herself what the house is like!).

My in-laws are forever Skyping us so we'll try to timetable them in.

ScrapThatThen · 14/12/2020 19:25

I'm thinking the same OP

MardyBicardi · 14/12/2020 19:27

You’re doing the right thing.
I know how horrible it feels but you can zoom / houseparty at different points.
You can make up for it later on.

Original poster
KittyMcKitty · 14/12/2020 19:38

Yes it will all be fine ultimately. He was very anxious and I knew he was only coming to make me happy (and I’ve not told him about the cases at work or that I’ve had it). He’ll have fun with his mates. But I’m still sad 😒

OP posts:
ChasingRainbows19 · 14/12/2020 20:10

Op we are doing the same with my dad too. Mum passed years ago. We will all pop and see him at the door at different times and take him food. He won’t be seeing anyone inside at all. He is very understanding and would rather stay safe after shielding. Sounds like your dad won’t be alone which is the main thing.

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