How to deal with a jealous colleague who is working for you?

[Truly2435]

I work in a company of 200 or so people. About 30 of those are on one project and the project is made up of 5 sub teams. I am the lead on one of those 5 sub teams. I manage two people and one has always been jealous and cold with me.

She has the same job title by name but is less experienced than me and has been at the company for over 1.5 years whilst I have been here for just over 3 years.

She will often be resistant and hoarding over her data in fear I will present it to senior people a d get all the praise. The way the structure works, the team lead will present each week’s progress summary for their entire time using ‘we did x, y,z’ or by saying who’s done what. She often will ask to have her own slot and be reluctant to send her data to me.

I was part of the committee who had a say in hiring her and even when she started, I sat beside her once at lunch and tried to make friendly small talk with her. She seemed cold and uninterested answering in short replies for everything. After that, I barely paid her any attention and behaved with her fairly coldly back. This worried her slightly and she seemed more interested to be friendly but as soon as I was being a bit more friendly, she reverted back to her cold ways.

Everyone above me is super supportive and has not a bad word to say about me.

I’ve noticed these issues with another colleague who also had friction from the staff working ‘underneath’ her in the organisational hierarchy so I don’t think I’m the only one but I’m finding it very tough. I can’t speak to a senior member of staff about this as they sometimes will point the finger at me not being able to manage/resolve conflict but I can just tell that this girl just can’t stand the sight of me. I help her whenever she needs it, don’t micromanage her and I’m polite to her and she can be too but her actions always seem fairly unfriendly and as if we are rivals, almost as if I don’t deserve to be in the position I am.

We’ve never had an actual fight or disagreement about anything.

It sounds like you are managing the situation quite well actually and the problem is on her side, so can you just decide it won't bother you any more?

She perhaps wants to have her own slot into the meeting because she feels she will never get any exposure to senior management if you always do the presentation. It is good for junior staff to have opportunities to present. But it sounds like that isn't how your meetings are supposed to be structured.

What happens in other teams, are non-team leads allowed to present their work?

I would raise it with senior management. Say that you think to would be good to create opportunities for members of the team to present, as a talent development exercise. If they say no, then you can go back to your colleague and say it is not permitted, you are required to synthesise all the data to make the meetings run efficiently. If they agree, you can go back to your colleague and say you have recognised that presenting in the meetings is a great way to develop her, and you have lobbied senior management for an opportunity for her and others to do this.

Win win.

Is your management role formal, as in despite your job titles being the same you have some measure of authority over her?

Having worked with someone like this I resorted to information overload. I would send the team an outline of the presentation, completed work, or part completion. 2 or 3 pages in would be a participants page. In draft it would include interim and final deadlines. Each person could add notes and the document was theoretically available for bosses to view though they never did.

Colleague 1 - x,y and z. Drafts received for all.

Colleague 2 - x, y and z. X completed. Drafts for y and z

Obnoxious colleague 3 - x, y and z, tbc

Obnoxious colleague used to make a fuss, say it felt like bullying, but as it was linked to the project GANTT chart he didn't really have much chance making it stick with HR.

After causing all sorts of low level issues, mainly being so last minute nobody had a chance to make sure the disparate parts of a project actually link d properly, he was managed out.

Could you do something similar?

I'd start calling her out on meetings by saying that "X" hasnt provided the data despite repeatedly asking for it.

Make the problem a senior management one, not yours.

If she throws a hissy fit - then you get to dictate that her childish behaviour is the reason and she is not being a team player.

I think you need to have a conversation with her about it e.g. "It seems like you are sometimes reluctant to share your data and I wonder if you are worried I will take the credit for your work. I want to let you know that I have no intention of doing that, and I would like us to build up a more positive working relationship".

Thanks so much everyone so far