Coping when no contact with family and they all seem happier!

[upanddownandupsidedown]

As per title.
I went no contact with two siblings and a parent around five years ago.

For the most part I am at ease with this decision and feel it was the right thing to do for my mental well being, but it does hurt a lot.

When there is family gatherings I do not attend obviously but it's hard seeing photos of events and it looks so nice and happy.

Our childhood was awful and consisted of abuse/alcoholics/poverty etc

The two siblings I stopped contact with did some awful things that were unforgivable, one slept with my ex partner who was abusing me and also told him stuff that put me at risk of escalated abuse.

My parent keeps in contact with the ex partner l! I cannot understand why.

He was a classic abuser who was so nice to all who met him and so plausible. I left and never looked back and basically started a new life away from the area.

I am rambling now but I just can't understand how so called family can do that.

I have a lovely life now and am safe but feel such sadness that I have very little "family"

Just looking for anyone who has had similar experiences really.

Yes me. Similar in some ways to your post op. I did try and re-establish contact earlier this year but it was not reciprocal and although I got an answer in effect (that they did not want to re-establish contact due to a lot of unwarranted bitterness/anger etc), I am glad in some ways that I tried but it is actually for the best that it is not reciprocal and would have resulted in a very strained and odd relationship (as it always was whilst I was growing up). I am waiting now for face to face therapy because I am struggling to get my head around the whole thing. On the whole, I know that I am much better out of it (narcissistic/neglectful/abusive parents one of which is most probably dependent on alcohol) ...but it is still really strange and I still feel there is some sort of biological pull even though it is no use - they will never be the parents I want them to be and I will never change them - I miss the parents I should have had if this makes sense and not them. I am, in a way, an adult orphan even though my parents are still alive and I might as well be an only child even though I have a sibling (complicated and don't want to state too much as might be outing).

I try to focus on my own immediate family, agreed it is difficult though and I am experiencing so many emotions which hopefully, I can work through a bit more with a therapist to try and make sense of.

I think it is even more difficult this time of year. How are you accessing the photos? This is probably not helping.

Op live well yourself and don't look at the photos.
I could look at smiling pics of various people and know they are still behind the pics talking about the same things, ranting about the same things..

If you are NC, how are you seeing the pictures?

Thank you for replying.

I did try and restart contact a few years ago but it was futile.

I also feel like an orphan!

I have contact with other siblings and it's good relationships, we do not talk about the past and all that went on.

The photos are on social media, I am not in any but did a search, not sure why!

Maybe hearing everyone with their Christmas plans made me feel a bit lost.

I have a great family, I have children and really good relationships with my husbands family but miss not having a parent.

Also like you I miss the parent I would want and not the one I have.

I know I have been painted as the problem to the outside world and I guess the fact the rest of them are still close almost validates that it is me that's the problem but I have never spoken about what happened as it was too hard.

The pictures will be posed. What people show to the world in general isn’t what’s happening behind closed doors.
Be glad you’ve left that toxic mess behind OP.

Try www.standalone.org.uk And don't get in a position where you're looking at photos - come off Facebook or change settings etc

I know I have been painted as the problem to the outside world and I guess the fact the rest of them are still close almost validates that it is me that's the problem but I have never spoken about what happened as it was too hard.

This completely.

I too, am guilty of having a look at pics on social media. It made me feel ten times worse but then I remembered the toxicity surrounding it all.

A group grinning when someone says ‘cheese’ just means for that split second they all stopped gobbing off at each other or swiging yet more booze.

The fake plastic smiles easily draw us in, it’s easy to forget they break just as quickly as they are put on.