SAHP responsibilities

[Whyemseeaye]

I'm interested in what other SAHP responsibilities are and how you've reached that balance.

I'm a SAHP and have two small children. 18 months and almost three.

DH has a busy and stressful job. Works long hours. Early starts, late finishes etc. Hasn't been helped by Covid as he's now inside constantly and like most people isn't really enjoying it.

I'm responsible for the house and children.

We share bath time and bed time responsibilities.

DH will cook breakfast, lunch and dinner one day on the weekend but other than that it's my area.

I do 99% of shopping and nursery drop offs. All laundry and any house admin things are solely my area.

We share the nightly tidy up and alternative who does what each night.

We also have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight to do the bathroom etc.

So I wonder what others are doing?

I must admit to getting annoyed when I arrive home from the nursery run to find breakfast things still on the table but is that my responsibility to put them away, as that's my "role" in our house. Or should I speak up and say something?

It often crosses my mind

I suppose I'm used to juggling the children and getting stuff done, whereas DH is a one thing at a time type.

Interested to hear what others do!

Should say eldest is at nursery 3 x mornings per week. Not full time. If that makes any difference!

I was a SAHP.

I considered myself responsible for the house, but if it was getting on top of me, DH would pitch in. He would never in a million years, leave something undone that he could have easily done, because 'that was my role'.

We were both responsible for the children. We were equally their parents. Obviously I was around more to do more parenting, but when he was home, we were equally up to our ears in kids until they hit the hay and we hit the wine.

DH likes cooking, and often I'd be knackered at the end of the day, because as you know, it's pretty physical and full on with little ones, in a way that an office job is not, so he'd often cook - or we'd get takeout.

DH also had a busy and stressful job. He was still a father and a husband.

We don't have a transactional relationship. We were in it together, and we muddled through it together, and yes, our family, and our relationship, was for both of us to work at.

When mine was a SAHP we were essentially 50/50 when I wasn’t at work.

He used to do a lot of the day to day, nursery runs, unloading the dishwasher, putting a wash on, running the hoover round but bigger stuff was done by either of us at the weekend.

He did all the cooking pretty much but he always has done.

The way we saw it, his ‘role’ was raising the children, not cleaner iyswim?

Thanks for responding, it's nice to get some perspective from others who have been SAHP or part of that dynamic.

I agree that when you have young children it's very important to be a team - for them and us, as a couple.

Weekends for us are great as we're both present to spend quality time together as a family, and sharing responsibilities/chores etc.

Week days can be a bit more difficult as it's all a bit of a mad juggle to get stuff done.

@StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff certainly agree with what you say re being a parent rather than the cleaner. We try to do similar here!

Try and remember, this isn't forever. I can still remember how forever it seemed at the time though!