Anyone else back on ADs in this second lockdown?

[waytheleaveswork]

Had a bout of depression 3 years ago due to various life stresses. Took sertraline, had counselling, worked hard to get back on my feet. Came off ADs last year.

I can feel symptoms returning - I have a stressful job (teacher), single, living on my own. Can't do hobbies or see friends, any of the stress relieving things I'm used to. Can't date/ make plans.

Considering going back onto sertraline but feeling like such a failure. Really thought I'd conquered it. And maybe I'll just be depressed for life.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Very much so. I'm waiting on my GP phoning so I can get back on them. I was made redundant due to covid which had the obvious financial effect but also meant I've just been stuck at home or, excitingly, the odd trip to the supermarket for eight months. My son has had a really bad time with it and is now under CAMHS but he lashes out at me because he knows he can. I understand but it's really hurtful when he's having a huge meltdown and screaming at me. I can't go anywhere to get any respite, there's nothing to look forward to.

I'm lucky that my parents are in my bubble and live very close by. I've had days, especially recently, where I've had thoughts I really shouldn't be having and I do say to my GP when I need a course of Ads that they just give me that step to stand on so that I can pull myself out of the deep dark hole that depression and anxiety puts me in.

There's no shame in asking for help to be able to help yourself. If us women sink, what is left? We hold it all together, but who holds us?

I hope you seek - and get - the help you need and that things improve not only for you but for all of us.

Have the best Christmas you can, don't set the bar too high and look after yourself x

Thanks @Isesgirl. I'm so sorry to hear about your job and your DS.

I just wish I could manage it myself without needing medication. But it us exceptional times, as I keep reminding myself.

I hope you get support for your DS soon x

The thing to keep telling yourself is, "if someone else was telling me they were struggling, what would I tell them?". You'd tell them to get any and all help they needed, whatever it was, to make things easier to deal with.

Would you judge me or anyone else who said, "I need help. I need something to give me that little bit of backup to help me through this?". Of course you wouldn't, and right now that 'someone' is you (and me, and many many others, trust me, we are not alone).

I am not ashamed that I'm finding it hard to cope, I'm not ashamed that I need to say," I've tried and I can't do this by myself " and nor should you be.

As I keep saying to my son, we got this. We'll do whatever we need to do, we'll take all the help me can get. We deserve this, we deserve happiness.

As do you.

Thank you. You are absolutely right.

I'm sure there are lots of people robust enough to cope with this, but I'm sadly not one of them for now.

I'm actually coming off Sertraline, but I was planning on coming off it in the spring - I rang to speak to my GP at the start of lockdown and she said she strongly advises anyone AGAINST coming off ADs right now.

They were an absolute life saver for me (PND/PNA) and I'm lucky to be living a stress free life atm with working from home.

Yeah I think if I'd been on them already I would be coming off them in a pandemic!

For me the frustration is returning to them. But needs must.

*wouldn't be!

Me sort of. Was tapering off after 2 years, but this second lockdown has really hit me hard.
Have gone back up to original dose but still feeling pretty crap. The dark nights, the same old routines, and nothing to look forward to, it's bad for everyone's mental health. I hope you're ok, there really is no shame in needing extra help right now x

Thanks @anewmum2018, glad I'm not alone!