I just want to quit

[Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep]

It's been a tough couple of years. Relocated for DH work, several hours away from friends and my parents. 6 months later he falls in love with a woman at work. I kick him out.

I immediately applied for jobs and found a fairly high level one considering I had been mostly sahm since my eldest was born, but it wasn't a supportive environment, I struggled and I got let go before my probation was up which trashed my self confidence. My eldest got diagnosed with severe ADHD, which was not exactly a surprise but still stressful, then COVID-19 and both kids at home for 6 months. I firmly suspect the youngest also has ADHD, though too young to diagnose, so not exactly a restful time.

I'm an extrovert who not only likes company, but actively needs it to stay mentally healthy so to have all adult contact removed on the tail of such a stressful period just ruined me. I clawed myself back together, signed up for a professional diploma to improve my chances and choices when I can job hunt again, but now I'm in the middle of the first assignment, feeling completely out of my depth and both children are back home due to the school closing. I have spent the last two weeks stressing and most of this afternoon sobbing because I just feel so stupid. I spent half of my savings on this fucking course and I'm just so lost and anxious. My best friend told me she had a positive covid test today. I just want to quit the course because I am just in bits constantly, I think I've chosen the wrong case study, I don't know how much support is available from the tutors and if I try and talk to them atm I'm just going to embarrass myself by falling apart.

I'm supposed to be a responsible, intelligent, professional. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am, how well I've coped but I don't feel like I'm strong. I just want to give up. I don't know what to do.

Shit. This was supposed to be in chat. Will report to mnhq

Aw I'm sorry op, that sounds shite.

Can you move back home?

Oh, OP.

I've been there with courses before. After the last one I promised myself I'd not write an essay ever again (and that was without kids in the mix!) I know it's sometimes awkward to admit that you need help, but you need to seek help and support from your tutor and enquire if there's any pastoral support. They'll be used to this sort of thing- it's really not uncommon. You can do it.

Hang in there.
Email your tutor.
Explain you are at crisis point and why.
You can do this.

Who is running the course? Have they got support available?

It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate be kind to yourself

Email your tutor and explain. They are there to help you. Stick with it if you can, who knows where it’ll lead

Is half live to move home but I can't live with my parents because my dad can't cope with the ADHD behaviour, it's a more expensive area (you can afford an extra bedroom here), their dad lives near here and whatever i think of him he's a good dad and pulls his weight, it'd be too damaging to the kids to move them away right now. I also have no income so can't get a new mortgage anyway and rent would be far higher. Id get into difficulties quickly. Atm ex is on the mortgage, just not paying towards it. He wouldn't act as guarantor if I moved so I can't until I've got a job, for which I really need this qualification.

And I'm weeping again. Fucksake. I'm so frustrated with myself.

How do I even start with the email to my tutor? I know I voluntarily signed up for this course but I'm a muppet and I'm completely lost. Please give me an idiots guide step by step instructions?

I've tried so hard. Battling past my lack of confidence, Writing out the objectives, sending them to the tutor, she says they're more of takes than objectives but to keep trying and I'm just done. I'm done. I'm so out of energy, motivation, confidence. I just want someone to come along and fix things for me, for a change.

Ok first off with the tutor email:

"Dear Tutor

Thank you for your guidance regarding objective setting. I've found it harder than expected, but will keep going. I've been having a few challenges recently which are impacting on my coursework at the moment. Would it be possible to arrange a telephone call/skype to discuss?

Many thanks"

This would be enough to book in a call and discuss. Make a bullet point list of this things you think the tutor could help you with in advance, use them as a guide during the call.

Regarding the objective setting, there is an art to this that I have yet to grasp myself despite multiple higher level degrees. I've found that usually the university intranet pages will have a guide you can use, so have a rummage to see if you can find anything. Similarly, you can email the uni library to ask for any books/resources on this.

Regarding the crying, I'm not surprised! You have a lot on!!! Please do speak to your GP about this. Could you possibly be menopausal? Your GP can do a blood test. HRT is wonderful for crying women!

I'm 37, so I really hope not...
Just fucking worn down i think.

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll do that x

@Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep take a breath.
Try and compartmentalise everything that is going on for a moment. What do the children need? If you need their Dad to take them for the weekend, make him and give yourself space to sleep and regroup.
Talk your situation through with your tutor, if they aren't receptive or able to give you the support you need (plan of how you can get back on track) email the college pastoral care dept for support.
I recognise how overwhelming things can get when you feel out of your depth, you need support and guidance. You can do this, you just need support to get there.
Please do PM me if you want to talk this through.

Thank you @happystep1 I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Being tired doesn't help. I might message you in the morning