How young is my 8yr DD?

[Hopefulfor3rd]

Hey,
So I’m not sure if I baby my daughter! As you can see from my username I’d hoped for a third but it never happened. That’s all fine and in the past. But I wonder if I baby my 8yr ( sept bday) old as a result.
She can be quick to moan, complain and have a hissy fit. If she feels wronged she can have quite the fit and can’t see the wood for the trees. For example, she’s was upset about something the other day as she waiting for the bath to fill. Moany and whingy, I asked her several times about the bath wether she’d like to have a bomb in it but she ignored me to only speak of what she felt wronged by, it was not being allowed to watch something. I said if she didn’t decide, I would decide and that it would be no bath and straight to bed. Again she didn’t answer me with her choice so I said right, off to bed with no bath. Then she screams the place down as I have to physically get her up to bed. I dot react and stay calm, she eventually calms realises her wrong and apologises. But should I even be getting that behaviour from her?
She’s very caring and mindful of peoples feelings. She’s very in tune with her own feelings and often talks about family members who are n9 longer with us, 99% of time with tears rather than smiles. ( no recent losses) She’s doing amazingly well at school and progressing brilliantly. Some friend issues recently ( she was being bullied) but has been dealt with and is much happier there. She’s confident but will often stay quiet and not answer me if I ask her a question - this really bugs me.
I feel she often is the boy who cried wolf, she will tell me of an infliction/poorly ness at bedtime at lights out never before. I feel she embellishes at times for attention.

She still has to have company in the bathroom at bedtime to make sure she’s washing and brushing, if it’s me I tend to do her teeth to make sure it’s a good clean. When she’s in the bath I wash her. She still likes her bedtime stories, the big paperback type mostly. Though I’ve introduced chapter books for when I put her to bed. She has a lullaby sung as the parent goes down the stairs after lights out.
She does help out around the house, makes her bed etc, sometimes tidies her room but i mostly do it. She does half the dishwasher with her older sister when asked or hoover or polish. Happy enough to do her homework but will take some cajoling!
Long story short, does that sound like an average 8yr old!?

Definitely should be able to wash herself in the bath by 8.
Her stroppiness....I wouldn’t worry (although I wouldn’t deprive her of a bath!)

Thanks for the reply, yes actually washing her is something I could stop. I do it for an easy life, rather than ask her several times but can see I need to stop.
What about her bedtime routine? Too old for stories and song?

I think it is common for dc to struggle managing their emotions at times, particularly when tired.

I think you should be encouraging her to wash herself though. And I'd give chapter books a go, she might well love them.

Definitely not too old for stories or a song though.

My DDs are 8 and 11. I still do a little bedtime routine with them. And I still wash their hair even though they are capable of doing it themselves. And they still tantrum over silly things from time to time.

My dd is ten and I still have to sing the bedtime song...I forgot the other day and all hell broke loose!

She sounds similar to my 8 year old DD. The only difference is I don't brush her teeth or wash her. I wouldn't sing her a lullaby but I do read to her every night.

At what age do you plan on letting her give her teeth a good clean?

I still do bedtime stories for my 10 year old, it is something we both enjoy and it means he's exposed to more complicated stories than he would read himself.
I think she is way too old to have her teeth brushed, although I understand the temptation - I am not convinced my ten and 13 year old brush properly! Also too old to be washed.

How is she at following instructions, does she follow them immediately or take a few moments, could be a processing issue if she consistently takes a few minutes to do what you ask.

Sounds like a normal 8 year old, she should be encouraged to wash herself now, if she has long hair she may still need assistance to get all the shampoo/conditioner out. You may need to give a visual prompt to show how much product to use, a 50p piece or such or you may find she uses half the bottle.

I would give her lots of support and attention, while not tolerating bad behaviour (screaming would mean straight to bed). I don’t think it’s a big deal if she likes help at bath time and picture books so long as you have the time. It sounds like she is doing great outside of home and maybe just needs some tlc when she is safely home.

My DS and DD are 14 and 17 and I was repeatedly told by well meaning friends and family that I did too much for them when they were smaller. They would never be independent etc! They are both doing well at school, handling friendships and are very relaxed confident kids. 8 years old is very young, there is no rush, she sounds to me like she is doing just fine, just insist on good manners towards you and don’t worry about babying her. Praise her when she toughs something out rather than weeps but its a big scary world sometimes and wanting to spend time with her mum at bedtime is very sweet.

Sounds pretty normal to me. My 8yo has a couple of friends who still get stroppy and sometimes have full on hissy fits. My 8yo will shower/bath herself and wash her hair, but I do give it a quick check to see if all of the shampoo is out, she brushes her own teeth. Still has a bedtime story, but reads herself for a little while after that and turns out her own light.
Will she happily do things for herself? Or are you just doing things for a quiet life? My 8yo makes her own breakfast every morning and is actually making her own tea now as I’m typing this. She’s also started walking home from school herself since the start of October.

At 8 years old some of the bad attitude could be hormones - I started puberty at age 9 and put my poor mother through alot of screaming tantrums (I became much more placid as I got older - I'm the quietest person in the family now). But yes, at 8 she should be able to wash herself but bedtime stories and songs are fine

She does her own teeth every morning, my husband and I take turns on putting her to bed. I brush her teeth on my nights but on his he doesn’t.
I’m on my second or third chapter book with her on my nights. Just started the first Famous Five. She likes the others stories with my husband. Although for December it’s Christmas stories very night!
Thanks so much for your replies.
So seems you all think it’s just the washing bit I need to stop. I’ll start on leaving her to it washing wise, it’s just the length of time it takes! I need her to work with me in the sense she actually gets on with it. She’s very easily distracted. Goes to bed for 7:30 or otherwise gets very tired and then the teasy behaviour gets worse!

@Justmuddlingalong

At what age do you plan on letting her give her teeth a good clean?

Our dentist said they often have areas that they consistently miss and it’s a good idea to give them a quick going over until surprisingly late.

It’s advised that a parent brushes teeth until around age 7, then supervises until the child can brush effectively (not doing this is why the uk has such poor oral hygiene and high numbers of children requiring GA for extractions).

I have an 8yr old and our dentist says to brush kids teeth for as long as you can, until at least 8yrs or older

I personally think at 8 she should be washing herself (as you've said) and also doing her own teeth.

I would also have thought she could be reading herself in bed rather than having you read to her, although I guess that's just a matter of enjoying something nice with you and I'd only be concerned if she still wanted company to actually fall asleep. If she does, I would start working on that.

The stroppiness is hard to say. Obviously strops and sulks happen from time to time but if she's throwing a lot of strops then that probably does need to stop now.

HP - she just thinks what she’s doing is more important interesting! If it was something she wanted to do she’d be straight on it!

She makes her own lunch at weekends, and breakfast actually! It’s more the cleaning, tidying, washing I do for a quieter life Beneficiary. I was wondering about introducing a little reading to herself, she’d enjoy that.

We life right out in the sticks so little opportunity for independence such as walking to school but she does go out on our land on her own with her animals. She goes on the school bus so has always sorted her school stuff out herself, paying office, handing in slips etc.

It's not unusual for children to get distracted, no matter their academic smarts. My child was an early reader, greater depth for everything but can still be found standing in the middle of her room with one sock on, one off and no trousers asking what to do next and other mornings she's ready before I am, she's yr6. A visual timetable / sequence of activities in her room, bathroom or hallway may help so she can look at that and move on to the next task. Or some form of clock in the room and tell her she needs to complete X, Y and Z by A specific time

Walking to school really depends on where you live. It’s not allowed at our school until at least year 5 and over 9yrs old. My Y3 8yr old is very sensible but shes not going anywhere by herself for a while, apart from walking in and out of school grounds.

She does seem to react well to time limits, may well try that HP. Our kids sound similar! She’s often to be found reading instead of dressing in the morning.

Our schools the same Paddington, I don’t think her class is allowed to walk home alone. She’s on the school bus which is a lovely bit of independence and a way to know kids across the age range at school.

She sounds pretty normal to me. Reading etc at bedtime is perfectly reasonable and a nice thing for parents and DC to do together. It is possible she has some mild processing issues - hence struggling to answer your or hear you if she's focused on something else. But even those don't sound severe as she's coping at school and overall so I'd have thought that as she gets older this will be easier. And she's pretty independent overall which is great.

Please don't stop reading to her when you introduce more independent reading time, it's really important for children and teens to hear books read out loud through modelling pronunciation etc and is a great bonding tool. There is still value in books for a younger audience too, looking at the illustrations, rhyme schemes, onomatopoeia, similies and metaphors, subordinate claus which shell be learning about in Key Stage 2.

DD and I have a shared book that is normally beyond her reading level, normally a classic book with more unusual vocab, at the moment it is the unabridged Christmas Carol. We read together on nights she doesn't have swimming training. The teens I teach love being read too as well so it is great for all ages.