How much hitting is normal in Reception?

[thisismycodename]

Reception teachers (or more experienced mothers than me!).

Just how much hitting/pinching/pushing general roughness is usual in a reception class?

My child is in a very small and very well staffed YR class. I am being told (by my child) probably 3 out of 5 days a week that this particular child is hitting her, holding faces hard, pushing over, pulling hair etc etc. They do it to all the children not just mine.

I have spoken, nicely - not being an arse, with the teacher before and asked about specific things that mine has said because it's starting to cause a lot of worrying and upset after school. Teacher sort of brushed it off, saying it's normal for four year olds to struggle with self regulation and that they're dealing with it.

This child has no diagnosed SEN (I do know this I've known them for years and know the parents well too). My child does have diagnosed SEN, so I am perhaps more aware of that possibility that most. Of course this child could have additional needs as any child could but this does not appear to be the case here.

I don't know how much of it is just children being children or if I need to be making more fuss at the school, I don't want my child being hit nearly every day!

Said child is physically much bigger than the rest of them too so no doubt the hitting and pushing over is painful!

I’ve had three through reception and I don’t think they were ever hurt like that. That sounds awful.

Another with 3, never experienced this. I'd go to the head if you don't feel it has been dealt with appropriately by the teacher.

Not normal.

My eldest were in a small class; I don’t recall any hitting at all.

My youngest was in a normal, 30 child class. There was an incident where my son was ‘bullied’ by another child (it wasn’t really bullying, he was a much larger kid and didn’t realise how threatening he was being) but it was dealt with swiftly and effectively by the teacher, who had words with the class as a whole and then separately with the boy and his mum. They’re Y4 now and great friends.

This sort of behaviour is more normal with toddlers. Not with 4 year olds. I would raise with the head as the teacher clearly doesn’t want to deal with it.

My DC is in reception and I do think there's a fair bit of "rough" play ie wrestling, pushing. But by the sounds of it children who hit "properly" are always put on time out or similar.

I would be really cross with DC if he was constantly hitting, he knows that hurting is unkind and isn't allowed.

Depends on the class. My oldest dc's class was like this up until they finished year 6 at the start of lockdown.
The younger 3 have been in much calmer classes so not so bad but still occasionally getting hurt by others.

A lot of children are not formally diagnosed with SEN until Secondary school so whether the young child currently has a diagnosis or not is a red herring.

If your child is left with marks email photos of them to the head / governors and ask them what they are doing to protect the children in the class.

That’s definitely not normal and more needs to be done to prevent it. I would be kicking up more of a fuss about it.

Not normal or acceptable.

I used to work in schools.
We used to find that there would be several one off instances a term but the same child every day or several times a week with one or multiple children would have been a cause for both concern and intervention. Even at 4/5 it’s not acceptable behaviour. We’d be working with parents to change this behaviour and often the SENDCO, Behaviour or Family Learning Mentor would be involved by half term if it was this regular.

It seems extreme at such a young age but ask for the bullying policy and a meeting with someone more senior, especially given that your child has SEN and is physically also vulnerable due to size. Some action needs to be taken rather than allowing this and calling it impulsive behaviour. I’m sure other parents are equally fed up. There are very positive steps that can be taken to intervene. I worked with very violent children in behaviour units and SEN schools for years, some even younger than 4. Behaviour can be positively changed quite quickly with rapid intervention and regular reinforcement from the adults in supervision.

If one particular child is doing it a lot and there are TAs I'd expect them to be keeping a close eye on them and guiding them through interactions.

Never experienced this with my 2 boys

It doesn’t sound normal experience to me.

Speak to teacher making it clear you’re there to discuss your child, not hitty child. Sounds a bit like teacher thought you were there to complain about hitty child in general, rather than look for support for your own child.

I was very clear that I didn't expect her to discuss the other child with me, just wanted to know what was being done to stop my child getting whacked. She said they're trying their best but sometimes they just don't get there quick enough.

I just didn't know if it's usual for this to be happening at this age.

Other parents are cross too, with the best will in the world it is not nice when your young child is coming out of school scratched, or having been smacked especially if it's frequent.

What you've described is not okay! I would be playing hell. Really pisses me off when parents dont teach their children to keep their hands to themselves

My child was hit once by a boy in reception, he had a reputation for hitting others, he hit my dd once (for no reason) and my dh and I agreed to let it go that one time but if it happened again I'd go into the school

It's just not acceptable

Zero in my 2 reception classes. This is not acceptable go to the Head.

Was hoping this was an office brawl thread

@AriesTheRam Where have you worked where any level of hitting was normal in your reception area?

Ask in writing for the behaviour policy. It demonstrates you are serious. Document every incident in writing and ask how they are going to deal with it. You have to be an advocate for your child. Even if it means being firm but polite with the teacher.

@thisismycodename none hence wanting to read a juicy thread about it

This is definitely not ok. Of course there will be the odd incident, but this is far too frequent.

You need to mention it to the teacher every single time. Keep a record of the incidents too. Then escalate it to the head.

At the end of the day, if the school doesn't deal with this, I would consider moving my child to another school.

Not normal.
Document everything in writing and keep your focus on what are they doing to protect your child and keep them safe.

If your child was to suddenly not want to go to school AKA school refusal, this will be very helpful.

Email details asap and follow up with a phone call requesting a meeting.

Your child is not a punching bag.

I work with 3 yo's. Usually I find one or two children might do this sort of thing for the first few weeks but by this time in the term unless something else is going on, ie, special needs they should have calmer down by now. You don't know the school aren't dealing with it - maybe they are starting the intervention process with the parents. I think if you are complaining keep it to specific events.

@FriedTomatoe No, I don't know, rightly, what the school are doing about it. But I do need to know how they're protecting DD, yes? I only ever talk about her, and specific incidents that involve her.

I too was thinking is is more of a playgroup age thing than a reception age one. Toddlers whack, we teach them not to. 4/5 year olds not so much (unless there are SEN, usually). As I say my DD has SEN, luckily for me and doesn't lash out.

I am going to send them an email.

As I said I've know this child pretty much since baby time. Her parents have no concerns with SEN (I know it can be missed, but still. She's had no previous difficulties is what I'm saying). What I do know is that she's a child who was longed for for many years, and as such is a bit of a spoilt only child. I've witnessed her at the local park throw a tantrum because she randomly wants a chocolate bar, and instead of parents saying 'no sorry we don't have one' etc, the Dad has left her at the park with Mum (because she didn't want to go home either) walked ten minutes home, got her a chocolate bar, and brought it back to the park! So she probably struggles with self regulation because she's never had to share, and has never heard to word 'no' in her life! Not her fault really!