Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Was I rude?

34 replies

steppemum · 08/12/2020 00:23

I teach kids from home. During lockdown I taught via zoom. From this week I am working from home again, under strict covid rules.

I emailed parents last week to let them know that we were definitely back to face to face this week, I included covid rules, including a highlighted bit about needing to pick up promptly at the end of their lesson, so there was a gap before the next student and I could sanitize and air the room.

I have one parent, who has messed me around before. New, started Sept. She often collects 30 min late. Before lockdown I wasn't happy as that meant students overlapping and also took me to over 6 in the house. I allowed her dc to sit in the lounge while I started lesson for next student. Never an apology, never and excuse, just turns up 30 min after pick up time. She has also been asked to support her child by supervising practising etc, she says she does but she doesn't. Child often hasn't done what was asked between lessons.

Today at lunchtime (so 2 hours before lesson time) I get an email telling me that her dc will be having a zoom lesson today not an in person lesson, as she has something on for work. I can't do that, as he has no lesson materials for this lesson, and teaching by zoom is not nearly as good as in life. I said sorry that isn't possible. I offered a rearranged lesson time for later in the week.

At his lesson time, he turns up on doorstep, I JUST catch mum before she drives away. I ask if she can pick him up on time. No. So I said If you can't pick him up on time then he cannot stay for a lesson, she got huffy as she HAS to do this thing for work. I said again about needing students not to overlap, and needing to sanitize etc, and he has to be picked up on time or no lesson. She got really huffy with me because she HAS to do this thing for work.

I told her her childcare arrangements were not my problem, and that I need to follow the rules in order to be able to work.
She put child back in car and drove off pretty annoyed.

Was I rude? I was pretty annoyed. technically she should have paid me for the missing hour, but I am not going to ask.

OP posts:

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2020 00:27

Sounds to me like you've already been doing a lot of giving and she's been doing a lot of taking. Not rude at all. Not being a doormat is not the same as being rude.

emilyfrost · 08/12/2020 00:29

You were not rude, you were assertive and rightly so. She’s been taking the mick.

If she can’t collect on time she doesn’t get to leave him.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/12/2020 00:29

Not rude, just appropriately assertive.

Poor kid.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

CosyQueen · 08/12/2020 00:32

You were far from rude, that poor child - his mother is very very rude!

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 00:36

thanks. I was much more abrupt than I would choose to be and I had to be quite firm as she didn't want to take no for an answer.

Last lesson before lockdown, I had texted her and checked about pick up, she said no problem. When he dropped off I said pick up at x time please be prompt, she said no problem. She turned up 30 minutes late.

One problem I have is that then my next student has arrived and so I cannot stop to talk to her at that moment, my dh in fact has to hand her child over, which is not right either. (goes against my safeguarding rules, but at least he is also DBS checked etc etc).

he is working towards an exam, and she wants me to do all the work, but he won't come close if she doesn't suport him and work with me.

Would be quite happy if she stopped him coming. I have a waiting list.

OP posts:

purpleme12 · 08/12/2020 00:38

Sounds to me like she's treating it more like childcare for her convenience

Honeyroar · 08/12/2020 00:40

Could you say you can no longer teach him and replace from your list? You don’t need people who can’t follow rules. Or give her a warning?

MonkeyPuddle · 08/12/2020 00:40

Fuck no. I’d be giving them their marching orders.

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 00:45

@Honeyroar

Could you say you can no longer teach him and replace from your list? You don’t need people who can’t follow rules. Or give her a warning?

I think today has made her take notice.

I feel sorry for the child, as he will loose out, he's a nice lad.

I am also cautious as I get all students by word of mouth, a friend of a friend recommended me etc. We are not that large a town, and I don't need to be badmouthed by her.

Ironically, when she signed up, I only had a later lesson slot, which she couldn't make as she worked. She asked if there was an after school slot available. I emailed round my parents and asked if anyone wanted to swap and so she got the time slot she wanted.
And now she won't stick to it.

OP posts:

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 08/12/2020 00:51

You weren't rude, and as a pp said, I'd be serving them with a warning in your position.
That poor child, sounds like she doesn't really care if he succeeds or not.

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 00:58

OK, thanks all. I am still up mulling it over, but really I need to go to bed!

OP posts:

sneakysnoopysniper · 08/12/2020 01:20

She sounds like the one customer who is MORE trouble than all the rest put together. We all get them.

I used to have one regular who spent hundreds of pounds with me but whenever I saw her name on an invoice I started to feel stress and sick in my stomach. One time she went too far and I cancelled a £350 order and told her that I "did not feel it was in our mutual interest to transact any further business" and blocked her from all my shops.

It was more polite than saying fuck off but that was what I felt like doing.

You need to balance the interests of yourself/your other customers and their safety with the convenience of this one person.

popsydoodle4444 · 08/12/2020 01:46

@steppemum

I can fully understand the temptation to do this client but it's not thé kiddo's fault his mums a CF.

Could you make an exception and do this lads sessions via zoom?

I know you said it's not as good as face to face lessons but at least she can't collect late and it's one less child to have to sanitise after.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 08/12/2020 02:05

You were NOT rude. She may have a "work thing" that makes her late but your teaching is your "work thing" and you can't do it if she is late.

BlackberrySky · 08/12/2020 02:20

I would explain that you are a small business and are unable to teach her child as of next term, and she will need to make alternative arrangements for him.

Torvean32 · 08/12/2020 02:25

You're not rude, she IS rude. She's used you as free child care.
That was stamped out where i used to work by invoicing repeat offenders. It's amazing how prompt they suddenly became.

lifestooshort123 · 08/12/2020 06:53

You were professional and she was selfish. As your business is via word of mouth in a small town, perhaps send her a carefully worded email asking her if this is working for them. Mention how seriously you take the safety of your pupils and that you can't let her son's health be put at risk if exact timings aren't adhered to, so, for his wellbeing she needs to collect him on time. If this is a problem because of her work commitments then perhaps taking a break would be best for you all. Good luck.

FippertyGibbett · 08/12/2020 06:55

No.
But I wouldn’t be teaching the kid if she can’t abide by your rules.

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 12:50

[quote popsydoodle4444]@steppemum

I can fully understand the temptation to do this client but it's not thé kiddo's fault his mums a CF.

Could you make an exception and do this lads sessions via zoom?

I know you said it's not as good as face to face lessons but at least she can't collect late and it's one less child to have to sanitise after.[/quote]
you know, during lockdown I did all lessons on zoom, as I did last time from March to July.

I have a new intake of students in Sept, so that is 2 groups who I have taught on zoom.
It is primary age, and it really isn't easy, but I would happily teach every single other child via zoom, apart from this one.

That again is down to Mum. So I said to parents - I can go on zoom, but if I do that then I am really dependant on you to look at and mark work. You will only have to mark things with clear answer (eg maths questions) and I will provide all answers, but I need you to mark and then put a circle round any ones that they got wrong.

Every week only half of his was marked. When we were having face to face lessons, whole chunks of stuff was simply not done, and so when it isn't marked I don't really know if it is done or not. For many things, you can't move on to next step if you are not sure if they have grasped first step. So I have no effective feedback from him and one of the things I needed to do was to look at his books.

So for any other child I might have made an exception. But for this child I need to see his books. And he doesn't have any of the work for this week. It is at my house, so I'd be teaching with no resources.

Contrast this with another student. He requires lots of support and slow explanation. He is usually exactly the sort of student who needs face to face. His mum has been amazing, sets aside timefor him to practise things, and sends me photos of what he has done as she isn't confident marking herself. Of all my kids I thought he would be the hardest to teach via zoom, but due to mum, he has been easy.

OP posts:

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 12:55

and I have one student who lives in an internet black spot. He can see me, but I only have audio mostly for him as his picture freezes all the time.
I would do him via zoom every week if I had to.
Different family, different attitude.

OP posts:

TartanTexan · 08/12/2020 12:59

Completely on your side in this situation but not all children are compliant with work and parents are not always able to give supervision required.

Rudolphian · 08/12/2020 13:04

If I was able I would give notice and stop teaching the child. Life is way too short for this.
If you dont need the money save yourself the stress.

Original poster

steppemum · 08/12/2020 13:39

@TartanTexan

Completely on your side in this situation but not all children are compliant with work and parents are not always able to give supervision required.

no, which is why I need to see him in person.

But to be honest, he is working towards an exam, and the arrangement with parents is that they must supervise work at home. If they can't do that, then there is no point paying me for tuition.
No need for them to understand the work, I oftenhave parents who don't, but there is a tick list of things to do, they can look at it and see if the page has been done or not.

OP posts:

Original poster

steppemum · 11/12/2020 17:19

for anyone still following.

I offered a rearrnaged lesson, and gave her several times.

She arranged for today.
She didn't show up.

OP posts:

Ferrari458 · 11/12/2020 17:28

She's sacked then. Confirm that in writing, brief and to the point.

Flip

1 2