Come and tell me about psychos you’ve worked for- freelance in particular but all are welcome

[IFuckLobstersForMoney]

I need some stories to make me feel better. This is quite long, so be warned.

Name changer but long time MNer. Cancel the cheque, penis beaker, eat the fat ball, bum fun at Center Parcs etc.

I’m an artist, I do an artistic job freelance utilising this artistic skill (being deliberately vague as not to be outing) alongside a less artistic job that pays the bills. Been doing freelance stuff for just over a year around my less arty job and kids. I’m doing another qualification part time to help me do my artistic job full time. I’m not the best in the world at this particular art, but I’m vaguely talented and make a decent amount of pin money from it. That’s the background.

So, over the 15 months or so I’ve been doing freelance work I’ve met some crazies for sure, but it’s part of the territory, I get that. Also used to people mucking you about, payment being late or having to be extracted like a wisdom tooth. But it isn’t personal, it’s business. I understand this.

And then I got mixed up with this mad woman in the spring and I’m feeling very cross, so I need to hear some equally ridiculous stories to make me feel better.

She’s a wannabe influencer, which is bizarre in of itself, but I don’t ask questions I just do what I’ve been asked to in the parameters of the design. She was happy with my work and wanted me to carry on working with her on an ongoing basis. Great. She seemed a bit bizarre but nice and harmless, although I couldn’t work out where she was getting her money from because she was paying me recently but only had about six followers. Whatever, none of my business.

Then towards the end of September she went... weird. Started behaving like I was her employee and she was my boss in the worst kind of way. Ringing me at all hours of the day and night with increasingly bizarre demands. By this time she had a few more people on board and there was a (hellish) WhatsApp group where she would throw out her orders and generally be completely split personality; sometimes all lovely to everyone calling them hun and babes, sometimes accusing people of not doing whatever mad job she had cooked up for them that day. I largely muted the group and just did what I was asked to but no more and didn’t engage in any of the verging on MLM-style hype about her as an influencer.

I then got Covid and wasn’t anything like as ill as a lot of people are but it knocked me out for a couple of weeks. She was FURIOUS. I kept getting these mad WhatsApps asking if I was “committed to the brand” still (was I ever?!) and when I didn’t reply for hours because I had a 40 degree fever she would text several times in the interim saying she would have to “rethink my position” like I was managing director of Dior rather than a woman being paid £15 an hour for a few hours a month by another more delusional woman for some art. Once I was up on my feet again we ended up having this Frank and honest discussion where I said I thought she had overstepped the mark. This seemed to work and she backed off, apologised and agreed that she had been too much and it wasn’t fair etc. But almost immediately she was back to the same bullshit so I would just literally ignore it, do what I was being paid to but lot engage with the nonsense.

Then in November I had an email from her saying she would be “furloughing” me (which was hilarious as I was neither employed enough or in a role that even meant I could be furloughed and neither she nor anyone else was proposing to pay me for this furlough. I just assumed the money had run out and said ah okay, no dramas, let me know if and when you need any help and can “unfurlough” me in the future. But several of the other people copied into this email who were also on her “team” replied all saying “oh no, Covid has hit everyone so hard in the creative world [yeah, because The RSC and this stupid cow taking 500 selfies a day for her Insta are the same] and we want to rally round and work for you for free to keep the brand going”. I had no intention of doing this but didn’t say so, I just didn’t reply or interact with the nonsense pinging into my inbox.

Obviously I was still in this WhatsApp group but had it muted as I was no longer doing paid work for the woman. Then two weeks ago she texted me individually saying she needed something very specific doing and I was the only person she knew who could do it. I said okay, great, let me have a look in my diary and I’ll give you a timeframe, to which she replied that she expected I would “want paying”. I made light of it but said yes, I would as my kid’s would still “want feeding” and she came back saying of course Hun blah blah blah. I put her in my diary for the end of last week to complete the work. I sent it to her with the invoice as I usually would. She immediately used the stuff I had made for her socials, as she always did.

Then last Saturday- the day after the work had been sent- she texted me to ask if I knew where something was in a folder on teams. I didn’t reply for a couple of hours because I was out on a country walk with my kids and nieces. When I did get back to her I said I was sorry but I wasn’t sure as I hadn’t been on that teams for a month or so due to the “furlough” (I didn’t put the word in inverted commas!) She lost her shit, started texting me the similar stuff as before about not being committed to the brand and told me to get on teams now and find out the answer to this (very minor and definitely unurgent) question. I replied politely saying sorry, I’m out with family but when I’m back this evening I’ll take a look. She just replied again saying my commitment to the brand was a disgrace and then booted me out of the four separate WhatsApp groups and deleted me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Insta and Twitter. I was just bemused like, what the actual fuck, but she still hadn’t paid me and I’m not stupid enough to think she ever will now.

So today, nine days on from this nonsense, I sent her a very polite email wishing her well but reminding her that the invoice is 11 days on from being sent and it’s usual in the industry to pay within 14 days. Oh and to wish her a merry Christmas. I know she won’t reply- I bet she’s got my email blocked- and it wasn’t a huge amount of money (circa £60) but the cheek of her, honestly. And to make matters worse she’s so fucking thick that she’s left me logged on to all of her socials (I posted stuff for her on them).

What I really want to do is delete all of her stupid influencer bollocks off of all of the social media profiles and just write in capitals MY NAME IS PHILIP SCHOFIELD AND I FUCK LOBSTERS FOR MONEY!!!!* as the status of each one. Then I want to follow that with a second status saying “I’M A VACUOUS WANKER WHO DOESN’T PAY PEOPLE FOR THEIR WORK”.

I won’t do this because I’m nice and I don’t want to stoop to her level. Nevertheless I’m sorely tempted. So to stop me from going the full Tucker, dear nest of vipers, please share with me your similar stories. Worse ones if possible. I want to feel less bad that I put up with this woman’s nonsense for as long as I did and that I’m not the only person to have been stung like this.

• thank you Malcom Tucker

I’m sorry but “I fuck lobsters for money” has killed me off she’s a CF, have some chocolate/gin and laugh about her being such a nutter!

If you are logged in as her could you change her password and lock her out of her own social media until she pays up, Just a cheeky idea but might make her think twice about the bizarre way she has treated you

Ah, I have had a huge number of psycho colleagues. Our work attracts them. Not freelance, and have name changed. I am severely allergic to penicillin. Started a senior role in a male dominated field, was about two to three decades younger than my counterpart - of course these factors meant I wasn’t made very welcome by many.

One male who worked as a junior analyst for my counterpart hated me. Constantly convinced I wasn’t qualified, kept trying to ‘test’ me, was told to back off by his manager. Kept trying to come into my office during secure calls, lots of problems. He kept asking to sit in on meetings, and I allowed him to do so in the stupid hope of building a relationship to make work more pleasant. He was awful, so I put an automatic air freshener behind his preferred seat at the table in my office, and he slowly got a tiny bald patch from the spray rather than just go away

Anyway, things got worse until he was given a formal warning. About three weeks later, I collapsed in my office, throat closing up, and I didn’t have an epipen (didn’t realise I could even get one!) Got to hospital, got lots of help. Due to the nature of our industry, our office was put on full lockdown while the government searched for chemicals or other bacterial agents that could have been used to harm us. Half the city goes through that area, all locked down. Eventually, they determine with the hospital that it is an allergic reaction, and the police found a moldy orange shoved Into the air conditioning in my office, which had been blowing spores at me. Due to the design of the office system, to avoid bacterial or chemical spread, it was not being spread anywhere else to dilute so I’d gotten full force.

I was in hospital for two days, he was caught going into my office on the cameras and was arrested, fired and issued with a travel ban so could not return to the country. He had seen a copy of my medical notes being sent out for travel that had been left on the copier. He was very lucky not to go to jail, thanks primarily due to the embarrassment it would cause the company.

Holy FUCK @onmywick !!!

I’ve had a few horrors- nature of the industry (entertainment related).

Most incredible lunatic was the man who I was assistant to for a year and became increasingly deranged. One day he screamed at me and called me a “fucking idiot” because I couldn’t get him two train seats, facing the same way, in first class, half an hour before a train was about to depart from London to Edinburgh on a Friday night in August (up to Ed Fringe).

When I politely suggested he take the two seats I’d managed to secure (opposite each other rather than adjacent) he called me an idiot again, and screamed down the phone “it’s not a FUCKING holiday Anais, FUCKING hell”

So I quit.

I was 22 and it was my first job in the industry. Saw the guy at a wedding and a funeral years after and he totally blanked me, but I did brush a saucy bruschetta on the back of his suit jacket as I passed at the wake

🍿 this has all the makings of a superb thread

@TeaLibrary

If you are logged in as her could you change her password and lock her out of her own social media until she pays up, Just a cheeky idea but might make her think twice about the bizarre way she has treated you

I am no use to you, op . Just wanted to say you sound fun. I love this idea. Do this.

My mad boss was later struck off by the GMC

He was frequently not where he was supposed to be and not contactable in work hours and when he did turn up he usually looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards

English was not his first language and it was often really hard to understand him for colleagues let alone the patients.

He once gave me a lift somewhere and I was terrified. His driving was just so dangerous. Pulling out into traffic without looking, overtaking without being able to see ahead. He was laughing at how scared I was.

He would massively lie and gaslight me eg once I rang him to voice doubts about discharging a patient as they had been quite unsettled. He full on screamed at me for daring to question him and insisted the discharge go ahead. It failed almost immediately the same night. He then blamed me and insisted he had told me NOT to discharge the patient. Fortunately the notes and the other witnesses backed me up.

At the end of the placement we had to give written feedback and I was polite but honest and said he hadn't turned up for many supervision sessions as that was a provable fact. He was incensed, red faced and frothing at the mouth that I dared say anything negative. I honestly thought he might be going to throw something at me.

I was pregnant during this whole horrible experience. I didn't get a whole lot of support from higher up bosses who basically knew he was shit but continued to employ him as there was no-one else wanting the job. In so many words they said I should not make a fuss and suck it up.

Years later I found out he had a major alcohol problem and had been sacked and then struck off for being drunk in work hours and he was convicted of DV against his wife. I really was not surprised on either count.

@FridayWineTime

🍿 this has all the makings of a superb thread

Yes yes! More please!

I had such an awful line manager once.

She would berate me in the toilets and tell me how shit I was. She initially tried to hide it but then one day she lost it and just started yelling at me in an open plan office. Think big FTSE corporate office in The City.

Our MD got called out of an important meeting so he could have a word with her. Nobody else stepped in to stop her cause they were all so scared of her. She was a big a big fee earner so she felt protected by this. I was only 23 and had a mortgage and genuinely petrified of losing my job.

OP you sound lovely and have managed this crazy woman well. Call it a lesson learnt and get rid of her.

I didn't work directly for the person but I was starting to feel paranoid because every time I went into the admin office there was Dead Silence. About six people worked in there.

It turned out the Office Manager had banned everyone from speaking because someone had moved her chair.

It lasted at LEAST a fortnight.

Worked for a company that involved following up cold calling sales pitches to get the deal done. Team leader was German and used to go round screaming at us if we didn't get the deal done. She especially liked to scream obscenities at us in German.
I waited until she said some really awful stuff about me to reply to her in perfect German that her behaviour was unacceptable and I would of course be telling her boss exactly what she'd been screaming at us. Never seen a jaw slack open as wide as hers.
I was 22 and didn't care about the job so told her some home truths and walked out.

Oh and my most hated colleague ever was is so convoluted to explain, but basically A Hang Dog Martyr Who Played The Victim But Was Actually Vindictive As Fuck

This one isnt quite a psycho but it was funny. An affiliate would turn up once a week when I was working in warehouses to fill up water containers (loads of them) and id generally help him if I wasnt busy. This went on every week for about 3 years-him taking litres and litres of water from our taps (Around 6 barrels a week)and being all matey with us and eventually getting some free products from the warehouse and stuff. Eventually we find out hes just a random member of the public who needs the water for his fucking horses and knows nobody in the company, just turned up one day on a blag. Lost his shit when we wouldnt let him back in and called the police on us all with some 'freeman of the land' crap.

I joined a very specialised team in the NHS. There were only five of us. Two of the team were close friends of the team leader, they socialized with each other etc. I was one of the other two who didn't. The socializing two had been in the team for years but the other two spaces seemed to have a high turnover. I soon found out why. I was warned my the other member to be wary of the team leader as she seemed to take a dislike to the new members after a while. That she bullied the woman who I had taken over from. And was now bullying the other non socializing member.
I thought this was just rubbish at first as the team leader was so lovely to me. The leader kept telling me that the other member was really bad at her job etc. the other member ended up.raving and a new person took over....and it became my turn to be bullied. She was awful, I threw up every morning.
I ended up leaving.
Then years later I met one of the team leaders socializing friends. She had left quite soon after me as she found out she was pregnant. The team leader told her she wasn't allowed to be pregnant ...

Be aware this was the late 1980s and rights of pregnant women etc were different then...

@youhavebrainsinyourhead I had the exact same thing, working in banking in Switzerland. German colleague took all us English to be crap at languages so after a disagreement with our boss she got on the phone and proceeded to slag her off, for a good 25 minutes, to her best mate, in German. Only, me and boss both speak German. You should have seen the colour drain out of her face when she came off the call and boss said to her, I actually speak German, shall we go and have a chat in the tearoom?

I hated that job. German colleague was awful, the first week I was there she was supposed to be training me, but she would just ignore me for half the day and then ask me to do something for her 20 minutes before I was due to leave and stuff like that. They had made half their back office staff redundant during the financial crisis and so the remaining ones were doing the work of two people while expecting to be made redundant any day. I watched the department head come in from London one day, switch the coffee machine on, sit himself at an empty desk and phone up and fire 20 people before the machine had finished heating up. It was utterly brutal.

Freelancer here. So many.

The people who think they're your boss. Nope. You have no control over me and I can and will walk away.

The mansplanners who hire me to do a job as they don't know how to do it, and then try and tell me how to do it the whole way through.

People who tel me they're an expert at something but actually have no understanding and having to carefully tell them that.

I am grateful that 99% of my correspondence with people is through email so I can swear and say what I'd really like out loud whilst replying politely to their rude emails.

I was about 18, working in a restaurant in the kitchens. I was on about day five of my new, supposedly part time job. I was on £3 an hour and doing the job of a trained chef that should have been getting double that but owner figured, young staff he can pay less and get the same work. Hey ho, that's life.

He'd called at 7:30am and asked me to come in at 8am to help prep and I could leave before 12pm service started. My shift was supposed to be starting about 6pm but I said okay, I'd help out. Obviously no time to eat I figured I could grab something at work (I'd worked in a few restaurants for 6 years by that age and had always been able to at least grab a quick bite. I know, I started young)

The second I walked in, he was barking orders. I couldn't so much as grab a drink of water. I got my head down and decided to forget the idea of breakfast. Come 12pm nothing had slowed. In fact he was screeching orders now. I tried to say I was due to go home for my Sunday lunch but he just yelled at me. He wouldn't even let me get my phone to call my parents. I didn't get to stop for even a second. Every time I tried to even go to the toilet he just shouted at me that I was supposed to be doing table X's starter/table Y's dessert etc and to get back into the kitchen and go later. So I held it.

It never stopped. The busiest day I've ever worked and I finally finished at about midnight. I hadn't had a single drink or any food at all. I hadn't even managed to go to the bathroom (it was just beside bosses station and he would physically block my way and yell at me and the other staff. I guess I hadn't really needed to go as I hadn't actually consumed a single thing since my dinner the night before.

Quite honestly I have NO idea why I put up with it. I was young. I was nervous in a new job and I needed the job.

It turns out, dad had been calling all day long. Dozens of calls. The boss told him every time that I'd said I would phone him back. Dad had even turned up to find out what the hell was going on. Boss had told him I'd refused to come out to see him. I obviously had no idea.

That 16 hour shift caused a huge row in my house because dad didn't believe me over an adult. My boss.

oh god yes the sneaky -make them work full time hours when you both clearly stated part time used to be the bane of my life.

And its still completely widespread in kitchens from what people tell me. Or the 'give them absurd split shifts with 2 hours inbetween so they'l obviously just not bother and end up staying for that time' trick.

@user1471565182 yes! I worked for years and years in the catering industry (usually as a chef or waitress) and the idea that we are allowed legally mandated breaks is laughable. Maybe it happens but none of my hundreds (over the years in a high staff turnover industry) of coworkers from head chefs to bar staff have ever acted like they know they should have one.

I'm a freelancer and I've had a few near-misses.

There's the woman who wanted me to help her with her website. I asked what the website was about and she said 'Well... I need to be careful what I say here... I don't want to get sued by the government again...'

Turned out she was a total conspiracy theorist and I ran away as fast as I could.