Our df died years ago and my mum has remained on her own since. I live about 40 mins drive from my home town. Db and dm live 5 miles apart.
I feel guilty that I live away from them as I am frequently reminded and made to feel guilty but I ring everyday. My db never rings/ texts etc. I think he should pull his weight more but on my wedding day, my db told me dm was still my responsibility because I married and had a family after him.
Our dm isn't very nice, she is really bitter and also doesn't have much money. Db and sil are extremely well off, me and dh dont have much money. My db owes our dm £15000 since 2007 but only pays back the odd £50, sil says because it is a debt from before they met it shouldnt now come out of their family money.
He asked me what dm wanted for Christmas, I suggested a tablet knowing he could afford it. I spent about £70. He's ignored me and spent £40.
He never takes the emotional strain, doesn't pay the money back, doesn't contact her. I shoulder all the guilt at having a family, moving away, doing my own thing, I feel guilty shes on her own but I cant bring my dad back, take away covid, give her money etc
I'm so fed up with db for not taking the strain off me and paying her money back, cheesed off with dm for being so bitter and angry with the world. She doesn't call my dh by his name only him or he.
She always used to complain about my grandad who also was widowed youngish being a handful and suffocating her but that was a walk in the park compared to how she is to me.
Any thoughts on how to proceed?