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Original poster

Isolating with children and ex husband

32 replies

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 17:27

Scenario - all 3 children’s school has shut due to covid.
C1 has been exposed to positive case
C2 has been exposed to two positive cases
C3 has been exposed to two positive cases

Each at the time of writing this and this is different year group bubbles!
Ex has just been told to isolate due to colleague testing positive, said colleague is the parent to the case c1 has been exposed to.

Would you rather;

Ex stays at his and isolates for 14 days and misses c3 birthday which is already going not going to be the same.

Ex husband isolates with you and children for 14 days. Sees c3 on birthday, spends every day with the kids and can help to cure the boredom of being stuck indoors.

Also to add, children are only on day 2 of isolating.

OP posts:

trilbydoll · 06/12/2020 17:29

I'd rather have the extra pair of hands to entertain the children, especially as they've been exposed to the same case. But obviously only if exh will actually be helpful and you don't hate each other. No point making the 14 days worse than it needs to be!

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 17:34

This is my argument! We get on fairly well... until this. I’d much rather he was here to help out with the kids considering my internet isn’t working, they’re isolating and I can’t seem to get a food shop delivered for another week!

OP posts:

sofato5miles · 06/12/2020 17:36

We had to do it 18 months into our divorce, as the country we live in had a brutal lockdown and a nightly curfew. It was stressful to begin with and my ex's girlfriend dumoed him. BUT, we made it work and did it for 6 weeks. Made us remember what made us friends if i am honest. And the kids were happy, which was the main thing really. Glad it happened.

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SleepingStandingUp · 06/12/2020 17:39

Is he refusing?

If you get on and there's room for him to sleep in a bed, I'd think it preferable. As you aren't isolating you can go out and get food providing no one is symptomatic and if you're working from home he can obv pull his weight. He doesn't miss his kids.

I'd think less of him of he'd rather not see them for that long

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 17:42

He’s refusing. I’m dumbfounded that he'd actually miss his child’s birthday!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 17:44

I should also add that he could have c3’s room as she sleeps with me every night anyway. Generally speaking, we get on really well until things like this crop up.

OP posts:

HosannainExcelSheets · 06/12/2020 17:49

Don't do it. I think it would seriously confuse your DC (unless they are older young adults and have given up all reunification fantasy).

TW2013 · 06/12/2020 17:50

Option 3 - they all stay with him as they are all self isolating and you drop off food regularly then you go off and enjoy the next few weeks!

midnightstar66 · 06/12/2020 17:52

Depends on your relationship- I could not deal with my ex for a day in my home let alone 14. If you think you can and he will be useful then go for it

gamerchick · 06/12/2020 17:54

He might not want to be holed up with his ex though. I'd rather grate my face off me.

gamerchick · 06/12/2020 17:55

Why don't you send the kids to his then you don't have to self isolate?

SleepingStandingUp · 06/12/2020 17:59

I'd be asking him which block of days he wants them then on his own. Isolating or not, they can climb into your car and get out at his. Obv don't you miss their birthday but I've find a chunk of days around it so he still gets access!

DDiva · 06/12/2020 18:00

If your thinking about the rules I dont think he should isolate with you all. He is potentially exposing you and 3 children unnecessarily.

Practicly if hes that against it from the start I cant see it going well !

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 18:00

Lol! We get on quite well generally speaking. Our children are fully aware that we won’t ever be getting back together and they know we work better as friends.
I’m now furloughed so the idea of sending my children away for two weeks doesn’t sit right with me to be honest. He’s gone from nope, not a chance due to the risk of giving the children the virus, to having them with him for two weeks but I wouldn’t be allowed to visit to drop things off etc. They stay at his once every other week of so for the night so I’m not really prepared to say goodbye for two weeks and to be quite frank, I don’t think they’d like being away from me that long either.

OP posts:

providentglue · 06/12/2020 18:01

I would send the kids to him. You don't need to isolate. This is the perfect scenario for a parents who does not need to isolate. I would be taking full advantage.

I wouldn't get too hung up on him missing your child's birthday though. This happens in millions of families every year. People have work and things.

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 18:03

For my understanding, I’m already potentially exposed from the children anyway and he was exposed via the same family as c1. I was thinking more on the practical level that I don’t have to isolate personally, so could still fetch food (deliveries are very few and far between) and still walk the dogs and just general things. Instead, I’m faced with relying on neighbours to fetch me food shopping around their day to day lives and no way of walking my dogs as my children have to isolate...

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 06/12/2020 18:19

Those directly exposed must isolate, those only exposed to the exposed do not - unless the exposed (your kids) become symptomatic and/or then test positive. THEN you would have direct exposure and would need to isolate. Presently, you aren't required to do so.

I really don't see any real reason that your ex can't have contact, provided travel is directly to and from with no stops. Arguments can be made for this (i.e. providing care - permitted even for livestock, also child contact exemption) and requiring him to stay with you for 2 weeks in order to see his kids seems like something other than concern about covid. You rightly point out that you wouldn't want to be away from your children for 2 weeks but are enforcing this on him. If a father attempted this he would rightly be torn strips off.

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 18:23

I haven’t said that I’m making him stay away for two weeks? I’ve offered him the chance to move in and spend this time with his children. He is the one saying two weeks isolating along or two weeks with the children staying with him.

OP posts:

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 06/12/2020 18:27

Or d
Bury ex under the patio...

SleepingStandingUp · 06/12/2020 18:47

This is the perfect scenario for a parents who does not need to isolate. I would be taking full advantage. Not seeing your children for two weeks really isn't most primary carers perfect world

gamerchick · 06/12/2020 18:49

@Mum23plus2

He's offered a perfectly reasonable compromise. It's you who wants it all your own way. He doesn't want to stay with you for 2 weeks OP. The kids staying with him would be ideal from a practical perspective in these strange times. If it's not acceptable to you then you'll have to suck it up.

providentglue · 06/12/2020 18:51

@SleepingStandingUp

This is the perfect scenario for a parents who does not need to isolate. I would be taking full advantage. Not seeing your children for two weeks really isn't most primary carers perfect world

Obviously. Ever heard of tongue in cheek?

Original poster

Mum23plus2 · 06/12/2020 18:54

Not seeing your children for two weeks really isn't most primary carers perfect world

Thanks, glad someone agrees with me on this 😂 why on earth would i send my children off for two weeks when I’m currently furloughed? They have to isolate at home and that’s what they’ll be doing. I hate saying goodbye for one night, clearly they need to time with their dad so of course I suck it up and make the best of a very crap situation.

I’m not dictating to him at all. I offered him a solution as to avoid not seeing his children for two weeks. I was asking what people would do in this situation. He’s made his choice, I think it’s strange but everyone is different.

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 06/12/2020 18:56

@Mum23plus2

He doesn't have to move in with you to have access to contact with his children.

I'll be the first to call out an unreasonable and unhelpful father - but your stance here simply doesn't pass muster. It is not reasonable to require a parent - RP or NRP - to move back in with you to see their own kids. Not reasonable at all and your stance risks him simply applying your own reasoning and withholding them from you at the next exposure event.

This is even aside from the danger of you falling into the territory of coercive behaviour or inappropriately using covid to withhold contact - both of which are strongly frowned upon by family court. Tread very carefully, OP.

HeddaGarbled · 06/12/2020 19:01

He doesn’t want to live with you for 2 weeks. It’s not about the children, who he’s clearly willing to have at his place for the 2 weeks. It’s about you. You need to drop this before you force him to explain in detail!

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