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Original poster

Raging husband and kids

15 replies

Peppersaunty · 06/12/2020 13:17

Hi all, I’m just looking for some advice about what to do next. I am trying to co tact a solicitor on Monday.

I found out my husband was in internet dating last week and asked him to leave and he is absolutely raging now. The only time I’ve seen him be similar is when I caught him out in a lie and he didn’t speak to me for three weeks. He has picking the kids up each night after school ( which he has never done) which I’m totally fine with as I’d never stop contact as the kids adore him.

The last week he has sent me horrible unhinged text messages. I told him that if he carried on with the abuse I’d block him. The kids speak to them through their IPad but as the iPad is connect to my account it means that would stop. He went nuclear at this and send he would pull the kids out of school half way through the lesson.

Yesterday he got in to the house through the garage whilst I was out and walked mud every where. We rent and it’s in joint names. This morning he just walked in and shouted the kids. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt scared/nervous of him.

He is a rule breaker and doesn’t care for the law or solicitors. Im really worried that he won’t bring the kids back or take them from school. I don’t want this to be nasty. I start work in the new year so do need him to do his bit with child care but I think he will make it difficult for me on purpose.

Sorry if it’s a bit jumbled

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 06/12/2020 13:19

You need to make sure you’re safe. Is there someone you can stay with just now?

He sounds dangerous.

Original poster

Peppersaunty · 06/12/2020 13:25

@Sexnotgender

You need to make sure you’re safe. Is there someone you can stay with just now?

He sounds dangerous.

No their isn’t unfortunately.

OP posts:

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 06/12/2020 13:27

Oh my gosh this sounds terrifying!
There are a few things I can see can control and you need to sort out.
Most importantly I would go to the school and let them know how he is acting, that you are scared of him and that the children have always lived in the home that you remain in and he wants to remove them and that he is threatening to collect them during the school day and keep them- even off school. Although they shouldn’t- when my ex husband did this the school said that they would not give him the children. Your school may also be as understanding.

Get him off the tenancy. Then if he enters the home ring 999- you are scared of him and he’s coming into your home and intimidating you and taking the children.
Apply to court for a court order to get a court order to determine child contact as he cannot just turned up and take them whenever he feels.
Consider of he should be having the children at all for now as he sounds unhinged and dangerous x

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dublingirl66 · 06/12/2020 13:34

Call police right away

Please

They will take him out

How dare he?? 🤬🤬🤬🤬

madcatladyforever · 06/12/2020 13:39

Yes you need the police and a court order. My first husband did this and was always busting into my house even when it wasn't his anymore and I'd moved away.
It will be nasty but it will be a massive relief when it's over. You need to put up with a bit of nastiness in order to get through this and get rid of him.
How dare he behave like this when he is the one dating. Who the hell does he think he is? get rid.

Original poster

Peppersaunty · 06/12/2020 13:50

Thanks for the messages. I know I need to speak to the school and I will do but it’s humiliating. Half of me thinks that he wouldn’t but I dont know who this man is.

Every one thinks of him as a mild mannered man. He’s never been violent to me but his rage is radiating from him.

When he left the house with the kids I could hear him say cheerily ‘ seat belts on girls!’ as if nothing was going on. The kids were of course delighted to see him.

OP posts:

dublingirl66 · 06/12/2020 14:01

He is awful

Police
Women's aid
Speak to school

IT WILL GET WORSE

Original poster

Peppersaunty · 06/12/2020 14:07

@dublingirl66

He is awful

Police
Women's aid
Speak to school

IT WILL GET WORSE

I didn’t think of women’s aid.

What do I tell the police though? He is still on the tenancy and can come in. I’m worried if I get them involved at this point it will make matters worse

OP posts:

WineTheBobbin · 06/12/2020 14:27

Please don't be worried about speak to the school. Unfortunately, it will not be the first time someone will have had to speak to them about an abusive partner. And it is far from unusual for abusers to put on an 'act' of normal behaviour. They will be aware of this too. Echo the advice of speak to women's aid. He's a nasty piece of work and you'll need a good support network.

HugeAckmansWife · 06/12/2020 15:14

I would also try, if possible to set up childcare that does not rely on him..its a massive power trip if he can cause you problems by not turning up at the last minute, or dropping them off early. There is help out there but you have to make him realise you don't need him to do anything.

NovemberR · 06/12/2020 15:22

Have you saved the text messages?

Show them to the police. Ask for a domestic violence officer to come out to speak to you. Tell them you are afraid of how he is acting.

HotSince63 · 06/12/2020 15:33

Contact the police, ask for a DV specialist officer. Show the text messages to the police. Tell them you're scared of him.

Contact school in writing, telling them your husband is no longer living with you and is threatening to pull the children out of school. Include screenshots of that message if you have to. Do this tomorrow and follow it up with a phonecall to make sure they've got it and understand the situation. Ask them to contact you immediately if your husband turns up at school unexpectedly and wants to take the children.

Contact your landlord. Explain that your husband has left the property, you've had to get the police involved, tell the landlord you need him off the tenancy and the locks changed. Get yourself one of those Ring doorbells or a cheap CCTV camera.

Start looking for childcare now for your new job. You already know that relying on him won't be a goer.

Check that you're claiming all of the benefits, single tenant council tax, child benefit, etc, that you're entitled to.

Start a claim with CMS for child maintenance.

Contact a solicitor to talk through all of the above and see what your options are.

dublingirl66 · 06/12/2020 18:59

It won't

You tell them the truth

In many cases it gets worse and worse

So sorry you are going through this xx

Original poster

Peppersaunty · 07/12/2020 09:31

Thanks for the messages. Yes I’ve kept the texts.

He brought them back about 7:30 last night. They’d both been a sleep in the car and were crying and tired when they got in. I’ve asked him what days he would like to have them so we can get in a routine but said I’d like them Sunday’s so they can get home work done and early nights ready for school - it’s been ignored. The kids said he told them he was picking them up tonight . They are 4 and 7 so shouldn’t be passing on messages or be expected to make arrangements between them.

I don’t understand the hostility to me when I’ve not actually done anything .

I actually rang a solicitor yesterday and waiting on a call back.

OP posts:

FelicityPike · 07/12/2020 09:34

If he’s on the BC school can’t stop him taking the children without a court order.

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