Question for religious Mumsnetters: doubting my atheism

[Boostinthefanjo]

I've been a staunch atheist ever since I was little. Really couldn't fathom how people believed in God, heaven and hell, etc. My mum used to be very religious but had a crisis of faith when I was little and is now just vaguely spiritual. Dad agnostic. I guess I'd describe myself as being an existentialist. I think life is essentially meaningless and random and that's okay. Our lives are our own and it's up to us to make the most of them.

But now I find myself doubting my atheism. I've recently been feeling this pull towards believing in some higher power. Some divine force, maybe, that started everything off, a First Cause type of thing. I can't shake the feeling that all of the sophistication and incredible detail we observe in nature couldn't have occurred by chance.

And I've always struggled with gratitude as an atheist. Being so overwhelmingly thankful for my life. Since having a child this has become so intense - I just want to cry out to the universe how grateful I am for my son, how "blessed" I feel, but there's nowhere for that gratitude to go as an atheist. Who do you thank? Evolution? Biology and chemistry and physics? I suppose that makes sense logically but it feels empty and hollow.

I just feel there's ~something~ and I don't know what to do with this feeling. Where do I begin? I have always loved churches, the sense of stillness and peace, the hymns, the art, the ritual of it, and always loved learning about different faiths, but I don't like the idea of seeking out an organised religion to settle myself into. I don't think I believe in a moral God, or one who would intervene in human affairs. It's just this vague nebulous sense of awe and wonder and gratitude. What do I do with it?

I would say I am a Christian; I (under normal circumstances) go to church. But my beliefs are fluid and broader than that. When I was baptised, I had a think about it and came to the conclusion that I believe that the teachings of Jesus are wise. I am open to other faiths, and find a lot of wisdom in Buddhism, and love and get a sense of wonder in natural environments. Paganism, honouring the passing of the seasons is interesting. I found there was nothing incompatible between my beliefs and the wording of the baptism vows. The vicar was logely and very understanding about doubt which is a normal part of faith and belief to many

I don't believe every word of the Bible. But there is wisdom that can be pulled out of 4000 years of people's attempts to understand the nature of the world and society.

I love the community of church, the chance to pause from the external world and a chance to reflect.
I also love to stand in nature and marvel at the beauty. I could explain the processes by which it was formed, but there is some sort of spiritual wonder that is not explained by science.

In times of trouble, I have an instinct to pray to something beyond.
Ultimately my beliefs are inconsequential beyond how they influence my actions, but it would be nice if this existence was not a one off

I was a typical agnostic/lukewarm Christian all my life and dabbled in everything going! My teens and 20s were filled with the usual booze, and occasional bouts of drugs use and promiscuity. I never doubted the existence of God, but my feelings about who God was were a kind of mishmash of world religions and my own feelings. I thought born again Christians were really thick and pretty cringey. I prided myself on being too intellectual for that kind of malarkey.

In 2014 I started feeling pulled towards Jesus but I put it to the back of my mind and carried on with my lifestyle. I was also dealing with a few personal issues that never seemed to get resolved.

Very long story short, I had an experience involving Jesus in 2017 that had a big effect on my life and yet I still resisted! In 2019, after lots of weird 'coincidences', something clicked, the penny dropped and I became a Born Again Christian. It came as a massive shock to me, as I really didnt see myself ever going down that route but I have changed so much, so quickly. I cant describe the sense of wholeness I feel and the total liberation from so many things that were holding me down. Having a relationship with Jesus is like nothing else and it has given my entire life a whole new, amazing meaning. I thought I was quite happy in my old lifestyle, and now realise how lost I was looking back. Please message me if you ever want to chat, but the first step is asking God to show you what He wants for your life.

I also love this website!

He taught me about scientific facts that are in the Quran that are only being proven today and less than 100 years ago
Sorry, but that is complete nonsense. The koran is as scientifically illiterate as the bible.

@Brahumbug

He taught me about scientific facts that are in the Quran that are only being proven today and less than 100 years ago Sorry, but that is complete nonsense. The koran is as scientifically illiterate as the bible.

I am a Muslim and we see the Koran as unchanged from when it was revealed. Those scientific facts are all there and several books written on the subject. You should read it before commenting.

@PopsicleHustler

It's amazing what you can learn if you open your mind op. I was a Christian but I stopped attending churches as it felt more like a party, than it did a place if worship and to focus on my relationship with God. I also couldn't understand why every single Sunday was so based on worshipping jesus. I felt very strongly that Jesus wasnt God. And I couldn't understand why people in church were saying thank you Lord jesus. I also couldn't take being whacked over the head with the flag of god or people on the floor wailing thank you jesus. In the end I stopped attending. I was also having a bad experience with evil spirits in my home. To the extent of where I asked people from the church for help but they couldn't help me.

Some years later, I met my beautiful husband and when we met, I told him I was a Christian. He said he is Muslim. No problem. I see everyone equal. Plus I had a lot of friends who were muslim.

He started teaching me things about islam . Everything made so much sense. He taught me about scientific facts that are in the Quran that are only being proven today and less than 100 years ago. He taught me about jesus place in islam. I literally had no idea muslims believe in Jesus. But he taught me that jesus was a messenger sent by God to the world to teach about God. Even the quran shows how jesus talked about how lovely prophet muhammed was and that he will come after me. All this was written 1400 years ago. All of it made sense to me and I was so entranced at how amazing this faith was.
I have been Muslim now for several years. I wear hijab and it hasn't been an easy road. I get called names because of my headscarf and started and sworn at. But I'm happy being me. I found Islam. The one true faith that teaches there is only one God. One God who created us from nothing.
People have a bad stigma about islam. But the truth is all these terrorists and ISIS are not muslims. They go against the teachings of the quran.
The quran says do not kill for it is as if you have killed the whole if mankind. But if you save someone it is as if you have saved the whole of mankind.
The quran also says to treat animals kindly and to treat them equal to humans.
The quran teaches us to give charity and help the poor and the orphans.
The quran says to be kind and just to your Muslim neighbour the same way as your non muslim neighbour.
All this just appealed to me and made me want to be a muslim. The day I reverted to islam was the best day of my life.

Please watch videos on the miracles of zam zam water and videos by Yussef estes and Mufti menk

It will help give you a better understanding.

That’s an amazing story.

I am a Muslim and we see the Koran as unchanged from when it was revealed. Those scientific facts are all there and several books written on the subject. You should read it before commenting.

I have read the koran and the bible, you shouldn't make assumptions about my knowledge. Ad I stated, the Koran is as scientifically illiterate and immoral as the bible.

@Brahumbug

I am a Muslim and we see the Koran as unchanged from when it was revealed. Those scientific facts are all there and several books written on the subject. You should read it before commenting.

I have read the koran and the bible, you shouldn't make assumptions about my knowledge. Ad I stated, the Koran is as scientifically illiterate and immoral as the bible.

That’s your opinion but you shouldn’t belittle someone else’s beliefs because they don’t match yours.

It isn't opinion, it is fact. Why is mainstream Islam opposed to equal rights for gays? Why do so many Imans demand punishment for people leaving islam? Check out 'Council of Ex muslims'. I think people should be free to follow whatever belief they want, but don't start claiming that those beliefs are above criticism.

I am an atheist, but I am not saying there is no god, I am saying that i don't accept that he exists.

@FluffyPurple

I'm a Christian and my faith is so important to me, I'd suggest www.gotquestions.org/become-a-Christian.html as a short read!

@FluffyPurple

That website is homophobic trash.

Blessings and peace on your journey OP.

Brahumbug - that is a curious way of looking at things. Do you accept the possibility of a god existing?

@Namenic

It's not really curious, just the only logical way to look at things. I am not saying that god doesn't exist in the same way I am not saying fairies don't exist. I don't accept their existence due to a lack of evidence. If sufficient evidence was provided I would then be able to make a decision as to their existence, at present that is impossible due to the lack of evidence. We shouldn't believe in things for which we have no proof.

People who say there is no proof God exists. He came to Earth in the form of Christ and rose from the dead!
How much more bloody proof do you want?!

Wow. Your post sounds like you recognise God for certain.
As a Muslim I believe that we all have that inside us, to recognise God and I think people in general do wonder but those who seek get further answers whilst others may just carry on as they are eg the thought of organised religion.
Look away from the media and any pre conceived thoughts and this is basically the thought in my daily life, or how we should think that every day is a blessing and we thank God for it, no matter what as the ultimate and ever lasting life is in the next world so no matter what is thrown at us in this world, the true reward/bliss is not here but in Paradise. We get paradise by pleading our Creator. Eg we wake up in the morning and the prayer in Arabic translated to English is: All praise is due to God who made us alive after death (as sleep is like death in the sense of the stillness) and to Him we shall return.
That end part is a reminder at the start of the day that this life is temporary and this world is full of distractions but ultimately our goal is our Creator.

As a Muslim I believe the Abrahamic faiths are all linked so whilst Judaism and Christianity were not called that during the time of Moses and Jesus peace be upon him, the Prophets were certainly real although we do not believe Jesus was God. However he was a mighty messenger of God. We believe in Adam, Noah, Abraham and all the other prophets, many we don't have the names of but they were sent to different nations and then the seal of the Prophets was the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him but we do not worship him at any cost. He came to finalise the message and remove the doubts and confusion from the time before him via the last and final message of God the Qur'an. Eg the Torah and Bible have been altered but the promise was made by God to make the Qur'an unaltered for eternity and hundreds of thousands of people know either a small part or the entire Qur'an off by heart even if they don't know Arabic as that is one of the miracles of the Qur'an.

Otherwise the belief in Islam is very simple. Belief in one God whom we thank and pray to daily. Belief in the Prophets who were sinless. Belief in this life and the next. Belief in angels who carry out various tasks.
We pray five times a day as the basis, in a way it grounds us but ultimately you can pray extra as much as you want, even whilst lying down or sitting on a train, even uttering God's name has huge rewards.

Yes the Masjid (mosque is not the right term) is there but the Masjid is not the focus. Our day to day living from the moment we wake up to when we go to sleep is the focus and this is why we say Islam is a way of life as we have a prayer for everything. Literally. Like if you eat you will say in the name of God and with the blessings of God. When you finish eating you say, All praise is due to God who fed me and gave me drink...and there is no power except with God.
When we exit the loo we say, All praise is due to God who removed the difficulty from me and gave me relief.
We are constantly in praise of God. Not what the media says eg war, forced marriages, men being abusive etc. These are traits far from Islam and either cultural or lies by the media. Islam comes from the word peace. All this thankfulness throughout the day invites peace. We say peace be onto you as a greeting and a departure word to another person. Even the prayer for eating, 80 years of sins are forgiven and I believe 80 years of reward are given. These prayers come naturally and are not a chore, children learn them from a young age but not only are we constantly thanking and remembering God but in return we are getting immense rewards for the next life which we will see on the day of judgement and on admittance to Paradise.

You should keep searching. Go through all the religions and see what you find. A good book I recommend is the concept of God in all major religions by Zakir Naik.

@Babdoc

People who say there is no proof God exists. He came to Earth in the form of Christ and rose from the dead! How much more bloody proof do you want?!

Arrogant as ever babdoc.

More bloody proof that a statement from someone like you on an internet forum.

I like to think that my ancestors are keeping an eye on me and I direct my gratitude towards them or whatever forces there are.
I'm quite happy to think there is something, without the need to define what that something is.

There are many religions you can choose from, if you feel you need more structure.
Just pick something that aligns most clearly with what you feel you could believe in.

Something that really stood out to me was 'A Case for Christ' by Lee Strobel (there is a book and documentary on YouTube). Strobel was an investigate journalist for the Chicago Tribune and his wife became a Christian. He was a staunch atheist and was so horrified at his wife's conversion that he went on a two year journey of investigation, using all of his contacts to try to disprove God. In the end, the evidence that Jesus came to earth as the Son of God, died and rose again mounted against him, to the point that he became a believer too and is now a pastor. It's a fascinating story!

Around 2 years ago, when I started my search, I had all of the same objections to Christianity as most people who aren't Christian. After my experience, I wondered if I had been wrong and started seeing other people's experiences matched with mine. YouTube is coming down with hundreds and hundreds of testimonies from every background imaginable: new age, atheist, hindu, agnostic, Muslim, Buddhist, satantist, you name it! Their stories all had very diverse beginnings but at some point, every one of them came to the same conclusion as me: that Jesus is 'the way, the truth and the life' (John 14:6).

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I'm Catholic but I haven't been to Mass since the start of the year, I pray every day though. I love the prayer above.

Maybe some quiet contemplation would help op? Doesn't have to be in a church, light a candle at home and just have some quiet time. Wishing you (and all) peace.

I suggest taking a look at 'Anita Moorjani's' story online.

@Babdoc
People who say there is no proof God exists. He came to Earth in the form of Christ and rose from the dead!
How much more bloody proof do you want?!

But what proof do you have for your claim, other than assertion?