Is my life over?

Mischance · 04/12/2020 22:12

OU degree?

Sarahandduck18 · 04/12/2020 22:14

Life coach.

thesandwich · 04/12/2020 22:17

Never too late. What about volunteering to boost your confidence? Have you looked at psychologies magazine and their on line stuff- they do a good create the life you want on line course for about £30?
New year a good time to take stock and set some goals.

Bearnecessity · 04/12/2020 22:18

No you have a got a new life just beginning....get out there don't be held back by your negative image of yourself....good luck...💐

Anordinarymum · 04/12/2020 22:22

@SadAt50

Not sure if chat is the best place for this but I could really do with some encouragement and advice please.

I turned 50 this year and it has really hit me hard. Have elderly parents and teenage children which is exhausting at times.
Been married 20 years. Marriage is ok but definitely lost its spark.
Have put on weight and been drinking too much but have now cut back on alcohol a lot.
I really want to concentrate on myself a bit. I have started to eat healthier and exercise more as I know this will make me feel better.
Unfortunately (please don't flame me for this) I gave up work when my eldest was born and haven't worked since.

I really feel that a job would help me with my self esteem and confidence, but I just keep feeling I've left it too late.
I have no great qualifications but did have jobs in banking and sales before the children and was quite successful.
I can't even apply for jobs at the moment as I hate how I look and my confidence is on the floor.

I really want to sort my life out, children will be leaving for uni and I want something for myself. But have I left it too late? I really feel like my life is over and have no joy and just dread the future. Thank you for any advice you can give.

I think you are looking at too many things at once and putting yourself off OP.

Just concentrate on one thing. Look at what you think you could do and take it from there. You have lost confidence. Once you find something to do - even if it's just looking, that is a start.

Perhaps if you look at a simple exercise plan to get fitter, get out of the house, and go for a walk. Easier said than done I know...... but once you begin,you will feel better.

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 22:24

I would love to take an OU degree or some further qualifications. I have been told I have great empathy. Also good at sales so was thinking maybe estate agency? Or even accounting?

But have I left it too late to study and then find a job?
Although I am overweight (for now) I'm well presented but was thinking I'm too old for sales?
I really wish that I didn't give up my job but I literally had no help with the children and every year I think I will do something but haven't had the courage or push.
I really feel like I've wasted my life

OP posts:

Sunbird24 · 04/12/2020 22:26

Absolutely never too late!
If you’re unhappy about doing something that would be in the public eye job-wise, how about telephone volunteering? Age UK and other charities are providing companionship calls for isolated people, and being able to do something that helps improve other people’s lives may help you see how much value there is in who you are, compared to what you think you look like...
I’ve struggled with self-confidence and worth in the past, and it’s really hard, but you still have so much to offer the world, and new things to experience!

Craftycorvid · 04/12/2020 22:33

You sound like you feel lost and a bit directionless at this point in life. And being in the ‘sandwich years’ with teens and elderly parents to care for can leave your own needs feeling a poor second or third in priority. But at 50 you hopefully have a lot of good years to go. Now is a tricky time for signing up for courses unless you’re fine with on-line learning, but this situation won’t last forever. Also, life coaching or counselling might be helpful - the latter can help with re-finding who you are and what you enjoy.

Ironingontheceiling · 04/12/2020 22:35

Go and get a hair cut and a make up refresh.

If you can be arsed, go to a department store and get a session with a personal shopper to see what’s in fashion and suits you.

You can do this.

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 22:39

Thank you all for your replies. I just feel so old. Not sure if I could afford life coaching at the moment but something worth looking into.
Yes, very exhausting with parents and teens! I do get out in a lot with in laws too. People tend to think I have nothing to do all day.
I guess it's been harder this year as having everyone at home and trying to get the children to do their schooling has been exhausting.
I had huge anxiety about Covid. Diet and exercise is starting but would be nice to think I still had some kind of future to look forward to

OP posts:

skyfullofstars · 04/12/2020 22:44

50 isn't old! People are living to 100 these days only half way, its never too late. I think volunteering and ou sound like a great plan! Good on you for getting out of your comfort zone. You've taken the first step with this message! Good luck on your new adventures!

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 22:56

Would be lively to hear of anyone who has started a journey at my age

OP posts:

Houseplantmad · 04/12/2020 22:56

I found an online programme called the Blast and it's got me fit and trim again after a broken leg the day after lockdown 1 started and a life threatening illness in the summer. I've lost my lockdown lard and a bit extra so feel better than I have for years.
Annie Deadman, the woman who runs it, writes in Woman and Home magazine. It's perfect for women around menopause age!
You've started thinking about the changes you want to make now you need to plan them and then make it happen. There's so much more life to live and I want to squeeze the pips out of it!

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 22:56

Lovely

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 04/12/2020 22:58

@SadAt50

Lovely

OP 50 is the new 40. I thought everyone knew this :)

I'm 65 and there's still hope. I'm always plotting a new venture. Sometimes they just stay in my head, and sometimes they die death, but nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say

Houseplantmad · 04/12/2020 22:59

I should add, I'm 56 and went back to work at 51. I now work in a support role in education - was in media previously before having a 11 year break to have DCs.

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 23:03

Thank you all so much. You have made me feel better. X

OP posts:

AnnaFiveTowns · 04/12/2020 23:12

Get yourself enrolled on an access to uni course. Then get yourself into uni. Of course 50 isn't too old! You're never too old and it's never too late - until the day you're actually dead.

I retrained as a teacher 2 years ago and I'm 49. It's one of the best things I've done. And there were plenty of other trainees my age or even older.

My dad, a retired barrister, has just started a history degree and he's 75. He's really enjoying it, it's given him a new lease of life.

You'll probably find the IT stuff is the hardest thing to get your head around - but you'll soon pick it up; it's a steep learning curve.

I really believe that we should always keep studying and learning, no matter what our age; it's what keeps you young.

Think about what careers or subjects interest you. If you are empathetic and like helping people then something like social work might be good; and being older and wiser can help with this kind of profession.

Please don't think that at 50 youre too old.

Craftycorvid · 04/12/2020 23:20

I qualified as a therapist at 50 - best thing I’ve ever done. Didn’t envisage launching out into something new at that age, but it keeps me feeling young!

2020nymph · 04/12/2020 23:24

You can do this.

Focus on one thing at a time, and it will soon add up. It sounds like exercise would help mentally and physically. What sort of thing to you like to do? There are loads of virtual classes or even you tube videos.

When you are feeling a bit better tackle the next thing, otherwise it can feel overwhelming.

FWIW I have struggled with a lot of things, earlier in the year I tried to do it all at once and was overwhelm. I've had a tough year health wise so focusing on that. Then in the new year I am going to look at my career development again.

Original poster

SadAt50 · 04/12/2020 23:26

These stories are wonderful thank you.
AnnaFiveTowns Do you need A levels for an access to uni course? I only have O levels

Craftycorvid May I ask what courses you took and how long for? That is definitely something I would be interested in.

OP posts:

PoulePouletteEternellement · 04/12/2020 23:32

@SadAt50

Would be lively to hear of anyone who has started a journey at my age

I know quite a few people who've taken postgraduate degrees and started new careers in their 50s. There's no reason at all why you shouldn't begin an undergraduate degree.

You do sound a bit defeated and apologetic about being alive. A serious course of study would re-invigorate you, give you a chance to engage with new ideas and allow time to really think about where you can use your talents best for the next half a century ...

Livelifetotheful · 04/12/2020 23:33

Career change ,,,, worth a google of Community sponsorship of Syrian refugees , so energising. Surprised by how much I could love other people’s kids .

shinynewapple2020 · 04/12/2020 23:50

I think the sandwich years where you have teenage children and elderly parents to care for are really difficult, stressful and tiring .

I'm a few years older than you and having lost my dad and FIL last year, my mum in care home and DC independent, I have a lot more time on my hands . I work part time and have done for years .

Last December I made a plan of a few things I wanted to do heading towards retirement, I joined a slimming club, started an exercise class and made plans to start learning a new language . I would also like to do some volunteer work. At the moment a lot of my plans are on hold due to Covid but they're still there.

I think with the other demands on your time at the moment you may struggle to do full on retraining and a full time job but it's definitely worth having a think about what role you would like to do to get back into work . Perhaps do an online careers quiz for some suggestions as to what would best suit your skill set . Maybe some online training or voluntary work . Or learn something just because it interests you.

At 50 it's not that your life is over but that you are about to start the next stage .

AnnaFiveTowns · 05/12/2020 00:08

OP, you don't need A levels for an access course; they are for people exactly like you who have no A levels but want to go to uni. Most colleges have access courses; usually for one year full time, in healthcare, science or sociology. So you choose your access course to prepare you for whatever course you want to do at uni. Contact your local college to ask about what they offer. If you wanted to do nursing, for example, you'd take the health access course.