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4yo has starting Soiling and wetting herself

7 replies

Shars16 · 04/12/2020 17:15

Hi I hope someone out there can help.

Sorry this is longwinded but I really need some advise

Im feeling really concerned as my 4yo daughter started soiling and wetting herself about 8wks ago.

At first it was just small releases. I spoke to the doctor and they did a uti test which came back clear. They then suggested a course of lacitives as she may be constipated. (1-2 x day, which i still give her.). She didnt seem constipated to me as she was emptying her bowels once a day.
Now she seems to be having slightly bigger accidents at home and school now. She soils herself everyday at home at least twice.
She now seems to have started to wet herself too (this is new this week).
At first we didn't make a big deal out of it. Now we're really trying to encourage her to go to the toilet. She isn't able to tell us if she knows when it's going to happen.
It doesn't upset or cause her distress at all. Which is good. But I'm not sure why this has started. I introduced a rewards sticker chart, which so far hasn't worked.
I wondered if anyone else has experienced any thing similar or suggestions as to what I can do or how to approach it which her?
She was potty trained relatively easily just under 2.5yrs. She's never had any accidents in the past. Not even at nursery in the early days of training. So it just doesn't make sense to me.
Her behaviour can be difficult at times and her emotional maturity seems behind her peers (and younger sister) - she has big meltdowns, she can wake up in terrible moods in addition to her meltdowns in the day, her speech is quite unclear when compared to her peers (and even 2.5yr old sister), eye contact is fleeting - i do wonder if she's on the spectrum - (I raised this with the school.)
I wondered if the soiling and wetting herself could be linked to autism?
I guess I'm just really trying to find answers to help me better understand what's going on with her.

OP posts:
GingerScallop · 04/12/2020 17:19

A feel for her and for you. Am no expert but just wondered if there has been a major disruption or some kind of trauma in her life recently? Does she get (under normal circumstances not covid circumstances) support for behaviour issues? If so, perhaps talk to her contact person too?

Doveyouknow · 04/12/2020 17:31

Is she finding school tough? It’s a big change and it’s a long term. It might be worth checking with teacher about how she is getting along.

Shars16 · 04/12/2020 18:43

No disruptions I can think of. She started school in September and its been a pretty smooth transition.
Previously at nursery she went through a morning routine where she would cling or hide behind me before she went in and all was fine and she was happy.
So this started 2 weeks before the October half term.
She happily goes to her classroom and hasn't mentioned or given me reason to think she's unhappy.
The school were very happy with the way shes settling in and had no concerns. She hasn't played up with them when I asked.

OP posts:
Shars16 · 04/12/2020 18:51

When I mentioned it in the parent consultation they were happy with the way she's settled in and had no concerns.
She's not reluctant to go in which is different to how she was at nursery.
She is very much someone who likes to do things her way and when she wants to join in. Which she doesn't have a choice about at school.
So i think she finds being made to conform to rules quite restricting but they say she's really been trying hard to listen and follow the rules.
But she doesn't seem unhappy at all.
It could be the terrible the meltdowns she has with us are a release of having to hold it together at school?
I just don't know what to do. The school aren't concerned so they don't seem keen to follow up my concerns.

OP posts:
User56770987 · 04/12/2020 20:48

I've been there op with my ds. I tried absolutely everything. It also started when he was 4, having been successfully toilet trained from 2.5.

Nothing we tried worked but eventually it just sorted itself out. Took til he was 6 though. I really sympathise as it's so frustrating. It was as if he was 'too busy' to go to the toilet. I think he just matured. Get her to go and get changed. Make it an inconvenience for them. Eventually he started hiding accidents and that was the start of him not wanting to do it anymore. It was a long journey though.

My son is NT but has some similar traits to your dad like the meltdowns and not liking being restricted. I wish I had some advice but I'd only say try not to worry, it will sort itself out. I got so wound up as I thought it would never end but it did and I wish I'd got less stressed by it.

User56770987 · 04/12/2020 20:49

*Dd not Dad

Shars16 · 04/12/2020 21:41

Wow this sounds very familiar!
I don't know why I'm finding it so upsetting - I think i feel so helpless.
It's reassuring to hear she'll hopefully grow out of it, I really hope she does.
She's very shy and not confident speaking to even her teachers. I'm worried about her being teased and withdrawing.

Can I ask when you made him get changed what was it he had to do?

She'll happily take her clothes off and i'll take them and wash them. We'll clean her and then we'll go and change her clothes.
She loves to change her clothes and dresses herself happily so I wonder if this tactic would work with her?

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