Guilt over dd health issue

[Streetlightarebright]

My dd has ptosis which means one of her eyelids droops. It doesn’t affect her vision and is cosmetic. She got her school photos back yesterday and was really upset as to her, the ptosis is obvious in the photo. It’s always upset her and now she’s a teenager it’s affecting her more and more.

I tell her it’s not that noticeable (I don’t think most people notice) that she’s beautiful but obviously that doesn’t make her feel better as she is so self conscious.

I did get a referral to see a consultant at Moorfields who said it was cosmetic & they won’t operate as it is a complex procedure.

I feel so so guilty. There is no history of this in my family or in my husbands family & yet my dd was born with this. My heart breaks when I see her so upset by this & she talks about how awful she looks. Nothing I say helps.

I’ve got the details of a private consultant who specialises in this area. Apparently he is renowned for operating on children’s ptosis. I’m thinking of contacting his secretary to see if he will consider reviewing my dd.

I just don’t know what else I can do

Why do you feel guilty there is nothing you could have done to change this? Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are absolutely doing the right thing by supporting your daughter and encouraging her to love herself.

The label cosmetic is confused these days by ‘fashion’ for boob jobs etc.

If dd is able to have the option of this treatment via private funding then it is absolutely reasonable to offer her the chance to research that option. She is likely old enough to review the risks and benefits with you and make an appropriate decision.

There isn’t any fault or guilt required here.

I had a mole on the side of my face removed - it wasn’t doing any harm except to my confidence.

But I’m glad I did.

I would definitely take her to be seen by private consultant. I know the NHS say it is cosmetic but it is affecting her mental health too.

I put off removing a raised mole from my face as it is on my face. I am not particularly vain but I was worried about scarring. You cannot even see it despite being close to my eye.

At least you will have spoken to an expert in this area, see what he says.

Cross posts with inpeace

Correcting a ptosis is a bit more complicated than having a mole removed!

Op, my dds friend has a ptosis and they all think it's very cool! I would just keep telling her how beautiful she is and put the school photo in pride of place

I can’t help feeling guilty. I can’t sleep with the worry of it all. I just feel so so bad for my dd. I keep telling her & myself that we need to keep it in perspective but when she’s crying herself to sleep over it it’s hard.

I worry the operation will cause problems as apparently it can cause problems with the eyelid not opening, infection, and other awful things. Moorfields say 8 in 10 success rate but the remaining 2 will need further surgery.

I had mine corrected, it was a really simple quick procedure so do look into going private if you can?

sorry that obviously may be more complex if its severe however mine was moderate

I would get it done. I had a birth mark on my face as a child and teen and it's HARD having something so obviously different about your face. Kids are nasty and then as a teen you feel very awkward around boys. Had 4 surgeries to improve it. Please don't feel guilty though. It's nobody's fault and I would like to think I am a kinder, stronger person because of it.

Look into the surgery and go from there.

I don’t know whether your DD’s is the same level but Dniece had this operated on at age 6 ish and there were no issues. In your shoes I would certainly look into it.

2 in 10 “will need further surgery” but how many are actually worse off after the surgery or surgeries, than they would have been if they’d left it alone - that would be the statistic I would want to know.

Look into the surgery. I had lots of facial surgery, starting when I was just a few days old. And thank goodness for it. Best of luck to you and your beautiful DD.

I have ptosis and botox makes a big difference. May be worth looking into as a non-surgical alternative

The issue is that you’re operating in a muscle that is already not working properly. It doesn’t have a fantastic success rate. Eyelids are really important in maintaining the tear layer across the eye and operating on the lid can cause complications such as dryness, which in turn can lead to blurred vision or infections.

I think it’s worth seeing the other consultant though - but it’s definitely not a risk-free procedure.

I would find out more about the surgery. It doesn't commit you to going ahead with it. You're simply getting all the information you can to help you and your daughter decide the best way forward.

Interesting responses.

My DS has a ptsosis, was born with it. I had a very minor one which seems to have self corrected in my 20s, bothered me a lot as a teen, but now I cant spot it unless I'm exhausted to my very limited or exceedingly drunk.

My DS is under an eye hospital to make sure his vision remains fine as he grows. I'm planning to bring up his options when he's old enough to understand and appreciate the issues. His is a lot more noticeable than mine, and I dont want him bullied in school (he's not even 2 yet). The eye hospital suggested surgery as an option and implied it would be nhs rather than private, any time after the age of 3? He has moderate ptsosis in one eye - it doesnt cover half of his pupil.

I'm probably very shallow, but it upsets me too that he has it. I worry his life will be harder - he has other health issues he's growing out of very slowly that have actually made all our lives hard but that will have no long term effects, so I appreciate I'm being a bit ridiculous about this one thing that doesnt affect him right now. There was one particularly upsetting incident with a nursery worker about his eye that has made me more sensitive about it :(