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Original poster

Anxiety therapist with personal experience

9 replies

Squeezycuddle · 03/12/2020 14:27

Hi there
My brother has always suffered with quite extreme anxiety. We recently lost our mum and he is struggling again at the moment to control his anxiety. We’ve tried therapists before but he hasn’t really taken to them, mostly because he feels they just don’t understand what it’s like to live with anxiety.
Does anyone have any recommend of good anxiety therapists, particular any therapists who have had personal experience.
Location doesn’t matter since I assume any meeting would be done via video anyway these days.
Thanks so much for any help.

OP posts:
SlightDrizzle · 03/12/2020 15:08

I think he's misunderstanding the purpose of therapy, to be honest. You don't get to know anything about the psychology or past struggles of your therapist -- it's not an encounter group. If he wants to be around other people who struggle with anxiety, he should maybe think about some form of support group? He doesn't have to 'take to' the therapist, either. I think the therapist I saw who was most useful to me was someone I didn't particularly warm to (he was a replacement for my usual person_, but who was excellent at challenging my narrative of some things in a way that was difficult but ultimately very helpful.

Sorry you've lost your mum, OP.

Original poster
Squeezycuddle · 03/12/2020 15:55

Thanks @SlightDrizzle - you’re probably right. It’s just so hard to know how to help him. Any suggestions on how to describe what he could expect from a therapist ie to manage his expectations. He’s always been sceptical. It’s also hard to find one who is good at what they do - some sort of TripAdvisor for therapists would be great! Ha!

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 03/12/2020 16:20

I completely disagree with the other poster. You do have to “take to your therapist” you have to be able to trust them completely. I’ve had some I didn’t connect with at all. The one who has helped me the most, we get on well and can laugh together. He is warm and friendly and validating. He never judges. He reassures me and comforts me with gentle soothing voice and calm breathing. I know some of his background. If I were you I’d go for person centred therapist as they tend to be less clinical.

Original poster
Squeezycuddle · 03/12/2020 17:11

@Chipsahoy - thanks for responding. Any suggestions on how to find a good therapist or is it trial by error? Any recommendations gratefully received x

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 03/12/2020 17:38

Trial and error I am afraid. You can interview them on the phone and then first session. Be demanding say what you want and need. See how they respond.

SlightDrizzle · 04/12/2020 15:25

@Chipsahoy

I completely disagree with the other poster. You do have to “take to your therapist” you have to be able to trust them completely. I’ve had some I didn’t connect with at all. The one who has helped me the most, we get on well and can laugh together. He is warm and friendly and validating. He never judges. He reassures me and comforts me with gentle soothing voice and calm breathing. I know some of his background. If I were you I’d go for person centred therapist as they tend to be less clinical.
Trusting them and liking them are two separate things. The man I saw and it was for an issue not unrelated to anxiety took my situation seriously, asked the right questions and, most importantly, challenged my beliefs about myself in ways that were fundamentally helpful and transformative. He wasn't there to be my friend. I do know what you mean about not connecting with some -- I've certainly had that, but it's tended to be with therapists who were overly sympathetic in a 'Oh, aren't you terribly hard on yourself?' way.

OP, what does your brother want or need as an outcome from therapy? Does he himself want to be there?

Molly333 · 05/12/2020 06:53

Having worked In mental health and having had a daughter with severe anxiety I would recommend he sees a psychologist. They have many many years of training and experience in this area . Last year I booked my daughter to see one because her anxiety had merged into OCD , she had seen counsellers previously but they never got to the root of it. Well the psychologist has changed her life totally exploring with her how the anxiety started and how it was affecting her life, she then worked heavily on her self esteem and alternatives thinking patterns. I now have back a happy , free from worry 21 year old . It was not cheap 70 pounds a session but the best thing I have ever done . Google psychologists in your area and ask them what they can do to help yr brother alternatively contact the psychologist professional body for a list of them near him. Good luck

Original poster
Squeezycuddle · 05/12/2020 08:17

@Molly333 - thanks very much for your reply. That’s really helpful. It’s so hard knowing how to help isn’t it? You sound like a great Mum and I’m happy to hear your daughter is much happier. Just out of interest, how long did it take for your daughter to start feeling the effects and how often did she see her psychologist? X

OP posts:
Molly333 · 06/12/2020 22:01

I would say it took 6
months and as time went on she calmed , covid has not helped but she's very different x

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