How to stop being sensitive? (If that's the right word)

[Elmo311]

Hi all,

I hate this about myself, if I have a minor altercation with someone or something says something to me that I think is rude, I'll then be thinking about it for DAYS afterwards and I hate it!

My mum used to be like this and it would drive me nuts.

How can I 'get over' stuff quicker?

For example, today I was waiting for the bus, with my kid in the buggy and I usually wait where the bus back doors will open as that's a bit easier so I was just in front of the sheltered bus stop.

When I went to get on a woman with her buggy came up to me and said something (I can't remember the exact wording but it was something like) "no I don't think so!! I was here first it's my bus, you ain't getting on!"

So I said "no need to sound so aggressive, I didn't see you!"

I genuinely didn't see her. Now I acknowledge that i should've checked if there were other buggies waiting to get on the bus, but I haven't been on a bus in a month so I kinda forgot myself and when I initially walked to the bus stop I could see through the glass and didn't see anyone there.

So obviously I know that she was annoyed at me but I just wish she could've been a bit nicer!
"Excuse me but I was here before you" would've sufficed.

It's also confusing because when the next bus came along he let both mine and another buggy on! 😫

Why does this bother me? I don't want to be bothered by this shit.

I don't know the answer op but in your position I would have just been polite and thought tosser re:the other lady and her rudeness. If I did reflect on it later I might think she was just having a bad day. Basically I am a decent kind person and I care far more what I think of others than they think of me. Not everyone will like you, thats ok.and mostly their behaviour is about there issues not yours. Unless you are horrible like Philip Green.

@laudemio I'm not like that Phillip! You're probably right, I should've just nodded. I've tried the polite approach before too, and I still end up bothered by the situation.

I just assume they were having a bad day and roll my eyes. Or assumed they were an awful person and thanked god I'm not such an arse.

I don't know how old you are OP it for me getting older has really helped. I used to replay stupid scenarios in my head but now I am much better at not giving a monkey's!

I ran out of fucks to give in my late 30s. I think you have a set amount and once they're gone, they're gone.

@CorianderQueen You sound tough, I want to be like this!

@Sometimesonly I'm 33....😫 I've always been sensitive but I used to be worse than I am now. Hoping ageing will help me.
But now I actually doubt that, because my mum is still the same.

@Justmuddlingalong I think I just have too many fucks to give, maybe I can sell them?!

I’m exactly the same, I don’t know the answer :(

I'm like that as well and am much older. I think if you are like that it's hard to change.
Last week I went to the opticians, having phoned with a query and been told to book a test. When I got there the receptionist lectured me and tried to send me away as I was not due a test. My eyes have changed and I do need new glasses but the receptionists' rudeness is still bothering me.

Elmo,

I have no advice just wanted to say I'm in this frustrating boat aswell. I often replay the same things for days and lay awake at night worrying about things that haven't even happened yet I wish I could sell my fucks too 😂😂 in fact I'd give them away freely! I Hate being so hung up on stuff and I'm in the 30's club too so hopefully a few more years and a few less fucks will help?!

I'm a bit like that too and wish I wasn't. I find CBT techniques really help. Think of a few reasons she behaved that way that are nothing to do with you: She had had an awful day, she's going through a bad time in her life, she was stressed because her baby needed a nap and screams blue murder if they don't settle in time, she'd had no sleep the night before tec. And then make yourself think of something else - something specific and pleasant - what you are having for dinner or the book you are reading or a chat with a friend etc. Just refocus, consciously.

One nice thing about reaching menopause is that your give-a-fuck button gets switched off. You just wake up one day and think, I don't care! It's such a relief.

I'm not tough (though thank you) I just don't care. They're a stranger being rude, they can carry on with their bad day but I won't let them infect mine.

I do get overly affected by other things though (mainly if I feel sorry for someone/something).

Could you come up with a mantra?

'They don't know me. They misread the situation. They were rude but that's not my problem.'

Repeat until you let it go?

Do you always get affected by these thing or does it vary with your mood? I'm very similar, but find it much more problematic when I go through periods of feel more generally anxious/vulnerable. If I'm feeling more on the cheerful and sure of myself end of the spectrum I'd probably say "Oh I'm sorry I didn't notice you there" in a smiley voice, and then when she snarled I'd laugh and say "Alright no need for that!" and then never think of it again. If I was already feeling a bit more sensitive it may well have made me cry and I'd then feel like an idiot for the rest of eternity whenever I thought about it again.

I suppose what I'm saying is could this be reflective of you feeling a bit fragile generally? If so, then letting that register can help you deal with these things because you can remind yourself that (for instance) you've been feeling a bit teary today anyway so this has probably caught you off guard and so you feeling emotional isn't really about the lady on the bus/the rude man you pushed in front at the shops/the other driver you could see swearing at you etc. I find knowing that helps me buck myself up a bit.

In the nicest possible way, you (as all of us) are instantly forgettable to the vast majority of people: they won’t remember you after the moment has passed - so don’t waste your time rehashing the situation and wondering about it. I can barely remember what I ate for dinner yesterday, let alone what somebody might have said to me the other week in a shop. You have to think of it that way. She was a bit rude (or perhaps she was assertive: perhaps she’d posted on MN recently to ask how she could stop people trampling all over her and was given the advice to just be blunt in future rather than pussyfoot around something, and this was the result!) but it wasn’t aimed at you as a person but the situation of thinking some woman was pushing in front of her. Once you stop thinking things are all about you and taking them personally, that’s half the battle.

That's very good advice from @ComtesseDeSpairtesse

@Fabpinky :( It's just annoying isn't it.
I was folding laundry and still replaying it in my mind! FFS. Took me like 20 mins just to finish, there weren't even that many clothes!
It's a curse!

@woodlandwalker Fuck that receptionist! That would have really affected me as well. We need more of a fuck it, tosser! Attitude.

I would've walked past her and said "SEE" points to new glasses prescription.
But then probably would still be thinking about it too!

@Marsbardelight this thread has me looking forward to the menopause now! Haha.
Glad I'm not alone though x

@Labobo Thank you for that. You're probably right, I did try to think about it from her point of view, but I would have just been a bit more polite and she was so rude! It's really got to me but I'll get over it....in 2 months 😂

Or maybe when I go through the menopause !

@CorianderQueen I like that mantra, I'll try it. Thank you

@TenShortStories I was actually having a really nice day! I have been a bit sensitive because of how a Dr spoke to me at the beginning of the week, so I do think this didn't help. I did have a bit of a cry when I got home and told my other half about what happened, so pathetic!

@ComtesseDeSpair Thank you, that does help to make me think about the situation differently. I did take it personally, and I do with a lot of things. I need to work on it .