Does anyone feel they’ve successfully learned to manage the boundary between pushing too hard (and making it worse) and not pushing hard enough (so they don’t get to enjoy or experience things that might have been successful)? I think if you have a child like this you’ll know what I mean.
My older DD has always been anxious about new experiences - she was the toddler who wouldn’t hand over a present at parties, wouldn’t wear a new dress from granny on her birthday, would insist on packing her own suitcase in case I got it wrong. In school this translated to being extremely quiet and never trying anything new. However, as she grew older, she would talk about what was so scary and listen to suggestions to help. She is coping very well so far in secondary.
Younger DS is a different story. He doesn’t communicate about his worries verbally - it’s all behaviour or ‘I don’t like it’. He avoids joining in by announcing he hates something, or acts in a way that annoys people so much they let him opt out, or prefer him to opt out.
It would be easy to say ‘don’t make him do it if he doesn’t want to’ but then he never gets the chance to learn to like something. I have had to put swimming lessons on hold for a couple of years (he’s now 8) as the anxiety about them would be all week and led to too many sleepless nights. He does football club and enjoys it while he’s there but never says he likes it and always tries to get out of it when it comes to the day. I know I was the same as a child but don’t know what would have helped - someone telling me I didn’t have to go would have been nice, but not long term right?
We have books about worrying, emotions etc but he really doesn’t want to engage in them. I will read them again for me, but was wondering if anyone would share their successes please.
Christmas fears don’t help - I can’t push the Santa idea with either of them as it gives them something to worry about ‘will he come?’ ‘Have I been good?’