What has actually worked to improve your mental health?

[theotherfossilsister]

I have developed a terrible fear of being outside, or generally crossing roads in lockdown ((posted about this before.)) My closest friend died in June, and it was quite shocking but didn't involve roads/traffic, although I lost another friend years ago - 2012 - when she and the girl she was walking with were hit by a drunk driver. It weirdly didn't affect me at the time, except I was very very sad. I never wrote to her other friend, who survived with injuries but thought of her.

At the moment my anxiety is unmanageable. I literally walked round the supermarket carpark instead of walking past it, where the traffic goes in just now, and I feel a sense of threat all the time. Exercising outside used to be my outlet, and I want it back.

So please can you tell me what really works? At the moment I am getting my partner to walk me places, or a friend, and it makes me feel like a child who is incapable of doing things herself. I'd love to be strong, independent, brave again, but I feel like I'm choking on the worry.

We've had two years on infertility too, and my Dad (who lives in France) has pancreatic cancer and I can't see him, and work stuff is very very uncertain. Is there any way to find a core of certainty within with all this happening?

Running outdoors where there lots of greenery
Drinking 2 litres of water
Sleeping 7 hours a night
Vitamins b complex
Eating more protein
Less alcohol
Spending time with ppl I love
Doing my hobbies

Op Anxiety is horrid, it crippled me and robs me of the joy of life, I don’t take it lightly. If you need to see a Gp please do so.

I prob gave general anxiety and ptsd

is there a park or other open space, away from traffic, that you can get to, to walk around.
i find exercise, even a little stroll can lift my mood.

@Ladywinesalot thank you. I've already spoken to my GP but I am on 40mg fluoxetine already (not ideal if ttc although GP says it is OK to take, but we might put a hold on that anyway while I am like this.) I also have a telephone counsellor but she's not helping much.

I'd love to run outside, so so much, but to get to the park I have to cross at least three major roads, and it seems too much at the moment. I've actually started crying trying to do it. Maybe I will ask someone to let me cross near them next time?

It is horrible, you're right. I'm so glad you've found strategies to cope.

xx

@Alexdgr8 yeah, I just have to cross a few roads to get there, but might start. It's very hard to force myself through the fear though. It's like an actual forcefield that I can't break through.

Cbt for anxiety - that will help, please ask your GP for a referral for it - they will give you tools and techniques to help you.

But in general for mental health, decent sleep, balanced diet, keeping hydrated, little or no alcohol / coffee and regular exercise.

Also find headspace meditation and taking a bit of time each day to do something for myself (even if just a bath or 10 minutes audio book) makes me feel good

Cbt, trauma therapy and the correct medication.

And the quote "stop trying to fix yourself and start looking after yourself"

For me
CBT
Vitamin b complex
Rest as much as you can
Plenty of water
Also, strangely enough there's a thing they can use in therapy using eye movements as a calming strategy. Thought it was a load of rubbish until I noticed I actually did feel calmer.

Anxiety is awful. I hope you find some relief from it soon x

No caffeine, CBT, lots of grounding exercises when I feel a panic attack approaching. The best one I have found is to say out loud “ah ok it’s you panic attack, well I’m ready for you”. It makes me laugh and does something to my breathing so the panic attack kind of goes away without reaching full fruition.
Sounds like you have a touch of PTSD too. I’m sorry about your friends OP

Graded exposure. You expose yourself to the threat slowly. So it could be just looking at a road through a window, then looking at the road from outside the house, then walking closer to the road with a friend, getting a bit closer next time, waiting at the side of the road with friend, crossing road with friend and then trying each step on your own, maybe with friend on the phone or nearby, trying busier places and working up until you are able to do it on your own. You’ll need to do it with a therapist (I guess you could just do it but I had a therapist when I had issues and would recommend it).

Now I’ve dealt with my issue I would definitely recommend graded exposure. I also now run, listen to a headspace meditation daily, keep a journal and regular therapy.

You can do this. You’ll find a way that helps you.

CBT did nothing for me unfortunately.

YouTube sleep hypnosis videos, yoga, getting immersed in a hobby like painting (obviously could be whatever you like though). Walking. Simple pleasures in life help me a lot.

But the main thing was anxiety / panic acceptance. Look it up online. It was so helpful for me to realise that it's quite normal, and to just accept that I feel that way but it doesn't have to mean a thing.

It sounds like you're having a hard time in other ways as well OP. Hope things get easier for you.

Have you considered The Speakmans? It might be on YouTube but they I guess would take your fear of roads as linked to the sad deaths of your friends and turn it around to look at the situation differently - something like OK so the roads didn't cause the deaths, roads are useful things, the majority 99.8% of drivers take care because there are repercussions for unsafe drivers so most of them will take care when driving - meaning you will be safe near roads, on roads, crossing roads etc.

I would give myself small daily challenges too - cross the supermarket carpark and repeat. Rewarding yourself each time is crucial. A new candle/ a hot bath if you accomplish certain things in a day.

I wish you well on this

if you can reframe the past events into a different logic, it may help you move forwards

Thank you all so much. The Speakmans sound good. At the moment crossing the junction which turns into the tesco carpark alone seems impossible. It's the biggest local supermarket and things just whizz round the corner to go in. I've also noticed lots of cars driving through pedestrian green men lately,not sure if it was always like that or if my fear is making me look for it. Also lots of pedestrian lights are broken and all the traffic is weird as thyeyre building trams.

I would love to be strong enough to run but getting to the park is so hard. maybe gradual exposure could work. Sometimes I feel like I have not right to take up space almost. I also have an exaggerated freeze response so feel like if I do this and get hit it's my own fault.

Going to try to go walking today and will go home if I end up in a state of terror.

Can you take vitamin b12 with fluoxetine?

Thank you all xx

Sorry to hear you are struggling @theotherfossilsister.
I echo what a lot of other posters have recommended : no alcohol / caffeine, sleep and b vitamins. I also found magnesium useful for calming before bed and getting a good sleep.

Graded exposure sounds like a good strategy.

Also being exceptionally kind and patient with yourself. You say you feel like you shouldn’t be taking up room - try to counter those thoughts by love bombing yourself!

As another poster has said, accepting the anxiety and intrusive thoughts can work too - once you acknowledge them rather than try to fight or ignore them, it takes a lot of the heat out of them.

Good luck!

Thank you @exPR - I have tried to be really kind to myself today but it's far harder to be kind to yourself than to a friend, still trying, and having a good day. (ish)

CBT hasn't helped me (it made me worse), but other therapy in general has.

Apart from that:

• Exercise really helps me, especially with the anxious restlessness. The more exhausting, the better. I did find that I personally needed a certain level of base fitness first, though, before the benefits started to kick in.
• Prioritising sleep. I take three meds that are technically supposed to help sleep, though, so I feel a bit hypocritical saying this. But I make a point of going upstairs early, doing my evening routine, and doing my best to get a decent amount of sleep in. It's a bit hit and miss, but a lot better than when I didn't try.
• Healthy-ish eating.
• Distracting myself from unhelpful thoughts. I have preplanned distractions ready for when they might start to get overwhelming, and I've planned for various levels. Eg. audio books or podcasts are a good distraction for me, but sometimes I feel too all over the place to be able to focus on them, so I have some more simple stuff planned for those times.
• Not sure what to say here, because I'm really relying on various unhealthy coping mechanisms right now. I guess usually - keeping in touch with people, no matter how tenuously; doing something creative; not drinking too much alcohol; going outside, meeting people, trying to find anything that gets me to focus on things outside my own head.

@InTheseUncertainTimes thank you

Yeah, I am struggling with CBT. It feels so hard and something I just get stressed about more.

Going to bed early with a lovely book definitely sounds appealing, as does going for walks if/when I am brave enough. I have brave days and less brave ones at the moment.

not thinking about it

put your earphones in with favourite music or audio story and walk out the door and round the block a few times

keep doing it at regular intervals

I have been running since May and my anxiety has massively improved. I run on the treadmill mostly now as I've got young children and can't always get out. Feel way healthier too.

I used to find it really hard leaving the house, so I do feel for you! I had a fairly long time when the only reasons I ever went out were therapy or to get groceries or my meds - and those were all very hard to do! I guess I'd recommend doing as much as you can, as often as you can, and very slowly pushing yourself a tiny bit when you feel like you might be able to cope with it.

I still find it hard to go anywhere new myself, so I plan with my google maps and streetview and try to prepare myself. Or to go to crowded places, but I can cope with what I must, usually. But these days I love going out for walks. Not maybe very helpful, but for me things got better when we moved into a nicer area. It turned out a lot of my anxieties were to do with the heavy traffic, general noise, and generally not-very-nice neighbourhood. The anxieties aren't all gone, of course, and come and go in intensity. Having some planned, routine walking routes in mind helps me. I'm usually quite overvigilant when out, and thought I'd hate having earbuds on, but they're actually really helpful too. Something else to focus on than my own head, again!

Exercise, good diet, sleep and connecting with people.

When I feel really anxious I make myself small, so I feel safe, in bed if I can or under a warm heavy blanket and just breathe and listen to my body, where it aches or feels tense, and try to focus on that and when too many anxious thoughts come up just tell myself it's anxiety and move onto the next thought or sensation.

Planning helps me a lot, going through the plan and how you will overcome obstacles, setting a small goal to start and building up.

Therapy (cbt and psychotherapy then group psychotherapy), medication, stopping alcohol altogether, high dose of vitamin d, prayer.

@theotherfossilsister

Thank you *@exPR* - I have tried to be really kind to myself today but it's far harder to be kind to yourself than to a friend, still trying, and having a good day. (ish)

Good to hear you had a goodish day @theotherfossilsister!

It’s funny isn’t it how we give kindness to others without thinking but find it hard to do it for ourselves. Can imagine ever saying to anyone else what you say to yourself! You’d be horrified and likely get a slap or two!

I also should have said earlier that knowing that this WILL pass one way or another can be useful when things feel overwhelming. At my worst I thought I would never feel normal ever again. I was so anxious and overwhelmed with complete self loathing and fear of everything that I thought the only thing that could happen was that I would go mad. I didn’t!

I do still have the odd flare up and I have trained myself to notice the usual feelings and thoughts when the pop up, say to myself that it will come and go, and get on with life.

Sticking to the no caffeine/alcohol, sleep and vitamins routine made changes faster than any therapy did, though I do still go to counselling every few months. I’m very privileged to be able to do that privately as the NHS just isn’t set up for it.
If you don’t fancy CBT but still want talking therapy, there may be a centre near you who does sliding scale or subsidised rates if your budget doesn’t stretch to full price private.
Some friends of mine have also found therapists in other countries who do online sessions - which everyone is doing now anyway!

Like many others, the following make a difference for me:

Minimal coffee and alcohol - if I get a cafe coffee I always get a half shot and only in the morning
Minimal sugar / beige carbs
Generally eating well
Medication - escitalopram (sp?) is considered one of the safer drugs for TTC, perhaps talk to your GP about the best med for you whilst TTC
Magnesium and vitamin B
Fresh air and walking outside
And a good psychologist is worth their weight in gold and then some.