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Original poster

DH- Negativity or realism

26 replies

Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 08:10

DH going on about careers to GCSE DS (15)

Only getting a first class degree counts for a technical career. No one else will get a look in. It is all so hard and takes over your life. Etc etc. I get that it is competitive but is there not a balance between this and encouragement.

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TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 08:19

Don't know if it is negative or realistic, but supremely unhelpful. In y11 they just need to be encouraged to do their best at GCSEs and to be planning their next step.

What does 'technical' career mean to you in this context? (I can think of various definitions).

Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 08:26

STEM / engineering in particular. DH in electrical engineering. DS has processing speed issue and extra time in exams. Struggling a bit with maths atm. and with the GCSE issues as well...

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TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 08:32

You DH is being an idiot then. (sorry)

You have a DC who is struggling a bit at GCSE level. Who knows where he will end up. Your DH is setting him up to fail, not motivating him to be successful.

(I think I'd be tempted to look at degree apprenticeships for those kind of areas …)

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TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 08:34

(Unless your DH is trying to warn your DS away from there as will be too hard for him? ie Being realistic as to your DS's ability?)

SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2020 08:36

So is DH trying to Steer DC away from particular uni choices? Superbly unhelpful at 15.
Focus on sound good best at GCSEs then work out what A Levels for ideal course.

Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 08:40

I'm so cross about it and agree. It is unhelpful. Seems DH at same kind of age had similar and he worked hard to 'prove himself' Hmm

We are all different though. DS is a sweet thoughtful sort of boy and very keen to please. Which makes it worse in a way. He says he just wants to do something which helps people, and is not too stressful.

He gets A*s in imaginative writing despite his slow writing speed. He's bright. Also in biology. He has a careers appt this week so we'll see if that helps.

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Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 08:42

The other thing is, DH left school himself with not great O levels, and went to technical college, then worked and did a degree part time. Got a 2.1. Did pretty well (although he moans about it) His work paid for the uni fees.

So, you'd think he would be keen to talk about alternative routes and be encouraging. But no Confused.

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Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 08:43

Maybe it is all about how DH feels and he is projecting this onto DS. Who knows. I guess I can only provide a separate space to chat about things.

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BarbaraofSeville · 01/12/2020 08:50

If your DS is not a natural mathematician, engineering isn't going to be an appropriate career path for him. I would have thought this was obvious. Sounds like biology for the arts is more his thing?

What does DS want to do? Does he see himself going to university at 18 or does he fancy an apprenticeship? There's loads of options these days, including degree level education combined with paid work from 18.

This is a great option because when he's in his early 20s, he could possibly have a degree but certainly several years experience in a career, without the associated student debt so be in a much better position than those who went to university by the traditional route.

Or does he want to do something more practical? Some of the most successful people I know either went into the building trade and now own their own roofing, carpentry or electrician firms or started out as apprentice mechanics and are high up working for the technical side of major motor manufacturers.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/12/2020 08:51

Cross posted about the part time degrees. So does your DH not think this is a good plan then?

AlwaysCheddar · 01/12/2020 08:55

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Foxyloxy1plus1 · 01/12/2020 08:58

Does DS want a career in technical engineering, or is that what DH wants for him?

You are right to offer encouragement. Your DH is wrong to pressurise. He’ll raise a resentful boy if he’s not careful.

Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 09:00

DS says he wants to do computing / maths. But he doesn't get on that well with maths. Does well with programming- but that is not part of the GCSE grade.

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AnnaMagnani · 01/12/2020 09:08

Oh God I did a Further Maths A Level because I thought it was prestigious/liked the teacher/impressed my parents.

Hated every minute of it, needed tutoring to get a C and now don't remember a word of it. Was entirely useless for my career, in fact genuinely got in the way.

Best advice I ever heard was look at what you do well and keep doing it.

Sadly I only heard this when I was mid 40s - but how many of us waste time trying to do things we find a challenge?

farawayplanet · 01/12/2020 09:08

My adult ds tells me that STEM courses are very demanding and that you do need a natural ability. We're not encouraging our teen ds to go down this route because he just wouldn't manage and it would be stressful.

So far we've looked at Plumbing and Heating courses and apprenticeships, Nursing, Operating Department Practitioner, Merchant Navy, Agriculture and Countryside Management as possible careers.

Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 09:14

Anna yes this is my worry too that he might do the same. His school's sixth form asks for a 7 to do maths though so possibly won't be an option. Also requires a 6 at maths for computing.

We have the deadline for sixth form applications next week but they only need to put provisional choices on it.

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Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 09:15

He seems to do well in Geography also. I myself did a science degree at uni not that that has anything to do with it..

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Pashazade · 01/12/2020 09:25

My DH's GCSE's are awful I think the highest he got was a C, he did computing BTec at a college got offered a place at uni, has a first and a doctorate in computer science. So please tell your son not to worry about the maths part affecting the computing part, they don't go hand in hand once you get beyond GCSE. Engineering is a very different field to coding.

TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 09:31

Expecting a 7 to do maths is pretty standard, outcomes for students below that are pretty poor.
Maths ability is pretty linked to computing too (because of the logicality of them I guess).

Are you aware of BTEC Extended Diplomas in computing? This is 3 A level 'equivalent' and if you do well you can happily go on to university (though again without Maths some 'top' universities will be ruled out).
Check it out, if only to rule it out.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/12/2020 09:36

There are many, many different careers. Your DS is not his father, so why would he follow his father's career?

People tend to focus on what they know about. Some jobs are more obvious than others e.g. teacher, doctor, whatever your family does. Lots are more obscure. The challenge is to find out about all sorts of other career options, what they look like, where they might go, what qualifications you'd need. You can help a lot by working with your DS to find out more. The careers service will do only a tiny bit of that, provide a few thoughts that might or might not lead anywhere.

From your brief description of your DS here, what about being a nurse, a surveyor, a town planner, copywriter, marketer, project manager, medical secretary?

Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 09:38

Yes I am aware thank you I'll see if it is available nearby. Ds's school just does A levels. Yes well getting a 7 would be out of reach of DS (he's between a 5/6) so it would rule it out perhaps. (possibly for the best)

School is quite good with 1:1 careers interviews this week and also interviews for sixth form so hopefully that will help as well.. Thanks for the replies Flowers it is appreciated

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Original poster
Orangeblossom7777 · 01/12/2020 09:40

Can they do the BTEC after sixth form or as part of it? It is all new to me as studied somewhere else...I think a nearby sixth form does a combination of BTEC and A levels. So instead of 3 A levels a BTEC and 1/2 A levels. Maybe that would be an idea.

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TeenPlusTwenties · 01/12/2020 09:50

A BTEC is part of 6th form.

You can do a Level 3 certificate (1 A level), a Level 3 Diploma (2 A levels) or a Level 3 Extended Diploma ( 3 A levels), but it will be up to the 6th form / college what is offered.

For grades you can get Pass (E), Merit (C), Distinction (A) Distinction (A ) for a certificate and then from PPP to D D D* for the extended diploma.

People can be sniffy about BTECs compared with A levels, but better to do very well at a BTEC than mediocre at A level if the subject is right.

starfish88 · 01/12/2020 10:19

I know plenty of Doctors and Engineers with 2:1s so I don't think those careers close to anyone with less than a first.

My DH is an engineer and didn't do A-level maths. He hated it at school and didn't see the point as maths at GCSE is quite broad and there was a lot of stuff he wasn't interested in. He had to work really hard at uni to catch up with the maths but seeing it in relation to his course helped. I think that's true for a lot of people, they need to see how something applies before they understand and engage with it but GCSEs don't do that for everyone.

I think you're doing the right thing encouraging him to follow his interests, if he does that he has a better chance of having a career he likes, whatever that ends up being.

BoudiccaD · 01/12/2020 10:43

Does he HAVE to do a degree? Everyone has them nowadays so they aren't as distinguishing as they once were. If he wants to help people, what about becoming and electrician or plumber etc? He'll always have an income and can build his own business. That's what I'd encourage my future kids to do. Work for themselves, not take exam after exam, pay for the pleasure, all to go and make someone else rich.