Can one sibling be abusive and others not, or is this actually me?!

[Pricjles]

NC. Just wondering on this, my DP is very full on about messaging, gets very insecure, tends to play games a bit. It seems to come from a good place in the sense that he loves me and wants it to work. But I wonder if I’ve caused these behaviours as his two siblings don’t appear to be this way at all!

They are quite genuine, seem very down to earth, straightforward. It makes me wonder how different my DP could really be and perhaps it’s actually me that brings out these behaviours in him?!

Of course he can be, he is an individual.

@FippertyGibbett it just seems so inconsistent with the rest of his family. I can’t help but wonder if it’s me. His brother and sister are more relaxed and rational

It’s not you.

What his siblings are like is irrelevant.

Its him.

My sibling is very anxious, over thinks everything, highly strung etc. I am much more laid back than them.

Also don't be fooled by the siblings being more normal. They are probably completely different in private.

You can't actually know what siblings are like. There are loads of us and our personalities and approaches to relationships are very different. The fact that you are already having paranoia set it would be a big indicator to get out.

"my DP is very full on about messaging" He has poor understanding of your boundaries.

"gets very insecure" He doesn't know how to trust.

"tends to play games a bit" He doesn't respect you.

My ex was like that, hot on messaging, calling if I didn't reply, checking who had liked my posts etc. Take a photo of the clock in your office if doing overtime...

His siblings were lovely rational people. Only as far as I know of course, but they had apparently happy marriages. He was just a dick.

These qualities are in him and you are the target. You won't be able to do enough, ever, to make it 'okay' for him.
If it wasn't you, he'd be doing it to a different partner.
He wouldn't do it to siblings, friends or colleagues I imagine.

He is abusive and it will only get worse. Walk away while you can.

My brother is a diagnosed narcissist. My sister and my other brother are lovely. As far as I know, I’m okay!

I've lots of (full) siblings, we are all different.