I have a dilemma and would like some opinions please

[theoldtrout01876]

This may be long but I am soooo torn about what to do. The mother in me is fighting with the greedy cow in me.

i have 2 sons, both moved out years ago. They both literally abandoned everything they didnt want and buggered off to their new apartments leaving me to sort the mess. Im talking clothes, books, furniture, electronics etc. They are 26 and 28 now incase its relevant. My oldest boy did ask if I would hold onto his pokemon cards as he had nowhere to store them etc. Its the only thing I was asked to hold on to.As I was clearing the stuff they left, I came across the pokemon cards DS1 asked me to hold on to for him, also a folder that belonged to DS2, also full of pokemon cards. He was never into pokemon like the older one was and I reckon he hadnt even remembered he had it. They have sat in my basement for about 5 years now.
I have literally just discovered that some of the cards in Ds2 folder are worth money, like a lot of money. My Dd2 is looking through them and has only got 1/4 of the way through Ds2 folder and so far we are at $12000 .
My dilemma is, do I tell him? I could do with 12 grand right now, but then so could he. If he knows about this he wouldnt even consider splitting the money, it would be all his. He abandoned them, I saved them, to be honest as I didnt know which book was Ds1 and was ready to throw them out.
The mum in me wants to make his day and tell him, the greedy cow in me says bugger him, they are mine now.
What would you do

These are cards from the early to late 90s btw, neither son is still into pokemon

Mother wants to steal from son - I've read it all now. Shocking to even have that thought in the first place.

I have sons and this has made me feel sick. I do hope you are actually a troll.

I would sell them and divide the money between the two DSs . The reason is I think your Ds1 will be upset if your ds2 has a card worth that much money as he is the Pokémon collector and it might make them fall out. The cards would have been lbought with your money anyway. I'd tell them it was a windfall of some sort as ds2 won't know what cards are his etc

I wouldn't keep the money for myself though.

Wow people would really see this as stealing?? I don't at all

OP paid for them in the first place
Has done all the leg work in storing, sorting, valuing and selling
I say he gave them up and they are now hers to do as she wants with.

If she wants to give him some cash she could do. I would probably keep some and give some to both boys.

If he had chucked them in the skip and she pulled them out is it still stealing?

It's not stealing! Ffs. Sorry but your sons have kind of shitty attitudes. It's really inconsiderate to be in you mid to late twenties and have loads of shit at your parents house. I also wonder about the attitude yiy said he'd have about idlt definitely being his money. He unfortunately isn't coming across great.

I think what needs addressing first is how you and they consider the family home.

Moved out to university and then lived in dodgy flatshares for several years - then, yes, acceptable to still have stuff at your mums (or 'home' as some people would call it…)

OR

Moved out at 18 and have never returned or visited and has minimal contact with you - possibly has bought own home…

If it's the first scenario, then it would be pretty outrageous to consider selling his stuff. If the second, then go ahead and enjoy spending it!

Oh come on for goodness sake.

Everyone including the OP knows the morally decent thing to do is tell her DC how much the cards are rumored to be worth.

She was only told to get rid of them because they're clearly unaware of the supposed value.

I can't believe how many parents would fuck their kids over and not tell them.

@ClearingSpaceOnTheTrophyShelf

You would even contemplate this for a second?

I REALLY hope you're a troll because I can't imagine an actual parent thinking this way

Totally agree with this.

I would just tell my son that some of them are worth a lot of money and he should look into it. I can't believe anyone would not want their child to benefit.

What the fuck?! Like seriously, there are parents who would do this? Absolutely disgusting.

Oh, and I guarantee they're not worth as much as you have 'valued' them at. Condition, production dates and multiple other factors will come into play. As well as the fact that just because a particular card may be listed on eBay for £500, doesn't mean it's worth that much or that anyone is actually going to pay it.

@theoldtrout01876

Oh and I paid for them in the first place, he was a child

makes it totally ok then

You're the sort of person who puts scratch cards in birthday cards with the assumption you'd get half if they won, aren't you!

My ds said "tell him he can have them when he cleans out all his own shit"

It's not worth potentially losing your kids over it. Why not discuss with them and split the money 3 ways ?

Ask them Both to come and clear their stuff by a set date , say you will skip or dispose of what they don't want . If after that date the items that are still in your possession are yours to sell and keep whatever you get from them. But I wouldn't mention selling their stuff as it could cause problems

Hey, son - I'm having a clear out and want to sell anything that has a value, this includes the stuff you left behind. Happy to split 50/50 if that's OK with you?

I'd do what @Sarahlou63 said

Tell him you're having a clear out, have found the cards, does he want them or should you sell them and split the proceeds with him?

Comparing this to my own history, my mother waited until I left home temporarily (18, travelling abroad), to leave her husband and what was my home. I didn't know she was going to do this so I'd obviously only packed what I needed. ALL of the rest of my stuff was there. It was worthless financially but I still, as an old woman now, look back and wish I had some of those keepsakes. If I were to find out that my mother found amongst my things items of value and sold them for her own financial benefit it would alter how I feel about her.

I think what @Sarahlou63 write works well.

It’s stating you’re clearing stuff AND will sell AND will split the takings

This gives them the chance to come collect their stuff. it also puts them on notice that there may be things if value. It’s fair to the op for her having to deal with the stuff left, particularly renting a skip, time, effort.

Frankly if OP hadn’t taken time to sort through the cards, no one would be the wiser as to the value.

It is on the line about stealing if just selling and keeping the funds because of the familial relationship. If it hadn't been family, just someone renting a room, anything Left behind after a certain time from moving out is disposed of by landlord. I know I had that in a lease (think is was 21 days or something like that).

So OP, send that text. Add to that a time frame to collect their stuff and then sell away.

Oh my god, you're a thief if you do this.
Tell your son, and give them to him to do with as he pleases.
For goodness sake, how could you live with yourself if you do this?

Also, you act like them moving out and leaving you with everything is quite unusual. I'm 30 and still have things in storage at my mum's bedroom. My mum is in her 50s and she still has some things at my gran's house! It's not that unusual for childhood bedrooms to remain many years after the child moves out.

@ILoveYoga

I think what *@Sarahlou63* write works well.

It’s stating you’re clearing stuff AND will sell AND will split the takings

This gives them the chance to come collect their stuff. it also puts them on notice that there may be things if value. It’s fair to the op for her having to deal with the stuff left, particularly renting a skip, time, effort.

Frankly if OP hadn’t taken time to sort through the cards, no one would be the wiser as to the value.

It is on the line about stealing if just selling and keeping the funds because of the familial relationship. If it hadn't been family, just someone renting a room, anything Left behind after a certain time from moving out is disposed of by landlord. I know I had that in a lease (think is was 21 days or something like that).

So OP, send that text. Add to that a time frame to collect their stuff and then sell away.

It only works well if the OP tells her DC "I've been doing some research and those Pokemon cards may be worth thousands of pounds".

And it is the OP's DC we're talking about here, not someone who was just renting a room, so that's neither here nor there.

Reverse it and think how you would feel if they did that to you, then act accordingly.

How are you valuing them? Pokemon cards are one of those things that if the right person needs that card and has the money, will go for a fortune... but then there will be loads unsold on eBay too. Do you have a valuation from someone actually willing to buy them; or have you just googled them?

I think they are your sons, whether or not he told you to throw them out - you didn’t, so they are still his, and it’d be massively damaging to your relationship with him. And you’d need to sell Dc1s too; or that’d make it even worse.

But I wouldn’t be doing anything until you’ve got a reliable valuation from someone ready to buy them, because I’m presuming for $12k you are selling them to a collector as a job lot, not individually listing them?

I agree that would be stealing to sell them and keep the money or even to demand a share. They’re not your cards. You stored them as a favour to your DC, not as a storage service charging them money. Your DC only said you could throw them away in response to you raking him over the coals for leaving possessions behind when he moved out. It was not his true wish/intent to have them thrown away.

My DHs step grandfather did something similar (my DH was an orphan raised by his grandmother). He sold all my DHs original Star Wars toys for several thousand while DH was in combat operations serving in the Navy. The step grandfather also kept the money and didn’t tell DH. DH found out when he returned from military service and noticed they were all missing. And to make things worse, DH had been sending stepgrandfather a monthly allowance from his pay to help pay step grandfathers bills and living expenses.

No matter how you justify it to yourself they are his cards, and if you sell them and keep the money you are taking that from him. Your daughter knows how much they are worth, how long until we she tells him? He will wonder why you didn't and it will impact his opinion of you. Tell him asap

It’s not stealing.

I would sell them (probably not worth even a fraction of what you think) then say to him that you were clearing out his things, sold some items and here is his share of the money.