AIBU to be upset?

[LadyLightning]

I have belonged to a womens group for the last 5 years and have been very active in running it. Over that time I have been very supportive to others in the group when they are having difficulties, checking in with them and meeting up if they want to. Now my mother is dying, my dad is melting down and is leaning on me for emotional support, my job is hell (NHS) and some work being done on my house has gone pear shaped (I live alone so there is no one else who can help sort it). Out of a group of 7 women, only 1 has bothered to keep in touch and ask how I am. What is going on? They know what is happening to me, comment on how tired I look when we do our regular zoom calls. A quick 'thinking of you' or an 'if there is anything i can do' message would mean so much and I feel so let down by these women. Dont get me wrong, we aren't all super close, but surely this lack of reaching out is really weird?

It does seem a shame that they have not been more forthcoming with support. I am sorry that you are upset by this.

My OH does this year and it has been quite surprising how many people I had thought of as good friends have not kept in touch.

does = died

I am so sorry that happened to you. It is hard enough to lose a loved one, without being ignored by other people. I hope that you get some good support from the people who are still around. I guess it makes you appreciate the ones who are around, but I am flipping between upset and anger at the others and feel like I dont want anything else to do with them. I need to disengage for a while I think. Take care, Mischance.

I think it depends on the nature of the group, really. You say you aren’t particularly close, you’re currently not meeting in person, and I think many people would shrink from bringing up a dying parent with someone they’re not very close to, and/or assume you’d have your close friends for real support.

Also, have you asked for support? Again, if you’re not close, people won’t necessarily know what you’d prefer. When I’m in trouble I want to be left strictly alone, for instance.

They all know how hard I am finding it right now. I dont want a lot of input, but a quick 'hope you are ok' text would be great.